"So um, yeah" Why does this annoy me?

[lunabelly]

Dd has started this new thing where she ends her sentences with "so um, yeah." It's driving me crazy.

"Mom, I can't find my math book, so um, yeah."

"Mom, I don't really like this yogurt, so um, yeah."

"Mom, the cat threw up again, so um, yeah."

I haven't figured out what exactly it is that bugs me so much, though, so I haven't talked to her about it. I usually know how she's going to finish the sentence, so I don't need her to finish . . . but maybe I just feel like it's disrespectful to not finish a sentence. Maybe it's the apathetic tone. I don't know, but every time she says it, it's like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Any thoughts?

[stik]

I'm a huge "so, um, yeah..."-er.

When I do it, it's because I'm feeling awkward. Adolescence is an awkward time. When I was an adolescent, I also started all of my sentences with "OK." I can only imagine that I was hell to talk to.

I recommend a lot of patience, and perhaps a public speaking course. There are some programs that are designed specifically to help teenage women sound confident, persuasive, and assertive. I can't think of any off the top of my head, but I know they exist.

[UnschoolnMa]

Dd does this sometimes. I can't be too irritated because I do it occasionally too. Like Stik said, it's sometimes said in an awkward moment or maybe just to be silly. I also think that certain speech patterns become habit, and it may be that her friends say it a lot.

I'd just try to let it pass. I am no stranger to finding little things annoying, but if it's among the worst things your teen ever does... well, that's not so bad.

[Blu Razzberri]

Originally Posted by lunabelly

...I usually know how she's going to finish the sentence, so I don't need her to finish . . . but maybe I just feel like it's disrespectful to not finish a sentence...

She IS finishing the sentence. The "so umm, yeah" part is an addition. I think the first responder was correct when she said it was because your DD feels awkward, but I also think it's something she likely picked up from a friend...so it's a phase that should pass. To help her move on from it quickly, try this....

"Mom, Janet called while you were out...so, umm, yeah"
"Janet called while I was out. Thanks"

"Mom, I can't find my favorite jeans....so umm, yeah"
"You can't find your favorite jeans. Did you check the dirty laundry?"

If you focus on repeating back the point before answering the question/statement, you'll diffuse your own shivers about it; and it'll help her realize subconciously that it's not necessary.

[fek&fuzz]

Well, like, maybe, like she does it like, cuz, it's from a movie? or a tv show? or something? you know? like, it will probably totally pass.

[jakesask]

I think I say things like that when I'm not comfortable saying what I really want to say, or I feel bad about asking for help, or I'm trying to get out of doing something I should do. I'd rather let the listener figure it out, and that's what the "so, um, yeah" is there for. It's like making a request without the shame or discomfort or indignity of actually making the request.

For example:

"I can't find my math book -- so I'm not doing my homework/so will you help me look for it?"
"I don't like this yogurt -- so don't make me finish it and don't buy it anymore."
"The cat threw up on the floor -- and you should clean it up, because I don't want to do it."

I guess the key to "fixing" it is to eliminate the self-consciousness. I have no suggestions for that!

[ktmama]

Bug the heck outta me too, but probably because she picked it up from her dad (my ex) and he does it when he's anxious....

[Chinese Pistache]

Originally Posted by jakesask

I think I say things like that when I'm not comfortable saying what I really want to say, or I feel bad about asking for help, or I'm trying to get out of doing something I should do. I'd rather let the listener figure it out, and that's what the "so, um, yeah" is there for. It's like making a request without the shame or discomfort or indignity of actually making the request.

For example:

"I can't find my math book -- so I'm not doing my homework/so will you help me look for it?"
"I don't like this yogurt -- so don't make me finish it and don't buy it anymore."
"The cat threw up on the floor -- and you should clean it up, because I don't want to do it."

I guess the key to "fixing" it is to eliminate the self-consciousness. I have no suggestions for that!

I agree with that. Maybe you can ask her what she thinks she/you can do about the math book, yogurt, or cat throw-up.

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz

Well, like, maybe, like she does it like, cuz, it's from a movie? or a tv show? or something? you know? like, it will probably totally pass.

[SusanElizabeth]

I never thought about it before but I do hear this phrase a lot. It's interesting. Now I'll really take notice next time I hear it.

Nothing grates on my nerves like "My bad." My kids don't say that but my husband (!) does.

[nextcommercial]

LMAO!!

My daughter went through this for two years. Her friends did too.. they would leave messages on our machine...

"Hi j*****, this is Crystal, Call me later....... So, um, yea"

Every message they left ended in "So, um, yea"

[Halfasianmomma]

My tween SS has gotten into "Oh DRY! That's so DRY". It's a catch phrase that makes him feel cool.

When I was a teen, I used to try out new catch phrases on my parents when I saw that it irked them, I used them ALL the time. I actually liked grating on my parents' nerve...it's a power trip thing. I was a difficult teen

[nethead]

Originally Posted by Halfasianmomma

My tween SS has gotten into "Oh DRY! That's so DRY". It's a catch phrase that makes him feel cool.

When I was a teen, I used to try out new catch phrases on my parents when I saw that it irked them, I used them ALL the time. I actually liked grating on my parents' nerve...it's a power trip thing. I was a difficult teen

My 12yr old DD's favourite at the moment is 'are you serious'? She did say she was getting on her own nerves after saying it for the millionth time yesterday, so at least she's aware of it

[becoming]

I think she's saying the "so...um, yeah." part to let you know she needs you to do something about what she's just told you.

Like, she could say instead: "Mom, I don't like this yogurt, so don't buy it again." But instead of saying that and possibly sounding rude, she says, "so...um, yeah."

That's how I use the phrase anyway.

Edited because I see someone else has already said this! I should really read replies more often...

[nextcommercial]

I forgot to mention.

The reason it annoyed me (only a little though) was that it sounded so ditzy. Like they couldn't complete a thought, so they just ended it with "so. Um Yeah."

We make jokes about it now. Whenever someone in the family loses their train of thought, we just say "So. Um, yeah" She just rolls her eyes.

[lunabelly]

So, instead of telling her it's driving me crazy, which I know would just start a power struggle, I should say something like: "You can't find your math book . . . and you want me to help you look for it?" ???

I just hope I can pull it off without big eyes and an annoyed tone in my voice.


The thing is, I don't really think she's afraid to ask me for help or anything. I think she just picked it up from her friends.

I'm sure something I said when I was a a tween drove my mom batty, too.

[journeymom]

I still do it. I've got catch phrases (hopelessly outdated, as is appropriate for a mom) stuck in my head.

"Whoa! Totally kewl!"

[Datura]

Lol, yup. I think catchphrases like that are a hallmark of teenybopperishness.

I use it when I have something that I want to imply but not quite say. Like, "There's a huge mess in the living room, but my back hurts, and um, yeah...." I'd like for someone to step in and make an inference and I don't have to say "Could you clean up the mess for the millionth time??" (Which is happening lots to my poor husband, lol) Its a teeny bit passive aggressive, I know, but hey, um, yeah... Sometimes it just comes out that way.

[JavaFinch]

My nieces do this and I'll agree with the OP - sooooooooooooooo annoying. I'm not sure why it annoys me so much. It's funny when I'm IM'ing with my 11-year-old niece and she'll say "So yeah" as a separate entry. It's hilarious. Example:

Me: So what are you up to today?
Neice: Just playing a game.
Neice: So yeah.
Me: Oh. Do you want to come over later?
Neice: Well, I'm going to my grandma's.
Neice: So yeah.

ROFL! I'm not even kidding

[Mama Dragon]

I blame Family Guy. That's where we hear it all the time!