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Tolerance and Understanding for Special Needs Parenting Please

post #1 of 138
Thread Starter 
Having a special needs child is tough. A lot of times, we end up doing things that we would not have ever considered we would have to do: special diets, switching from breastmilk to elemental formulas because of severe allergies, melatonin (I would have NEVER done that before DD was born but it is a lifesaver for us now), therapies, getting help from the state, putting a child on medication(s), and the list goes on.

Sometimes our children due to their special needs and sensory issues are extreemly picky eaters who only want to eat certain foods that may be viewed to others as unhealthy. Other times, kids have certain diets where it is actually medically appropriate to feed the kids high fat foods like hotdogs. We already feel self concious about all this as it is. However, we have had to put aside all our lofty ideals and focus on what is best for our children versus our dreams of how we would do things if our kids had zero medical issues.

I am sure this goes without saying, but a lot of us here believe that attachment parenting goes beyond the basic extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, and whatnot. It is about having a strong bond with them and providing what they need in order to become healthy, happy, and sucessful adults.

Is there any way that we can get some protection here from the random posters who are not special needs parents? In the past few days, I have seen some rather judgemental comments from people who are not special needs parents. I am just asking for some protection from them or even a sticky that says "what you see here may not be 100% crunchy. The posts here are from parents who believe in the AP ideals but have had to adapt them because of the individual needs of their children. Please respect that and keep your judgmental comments to yourself."
post #2 of 138
Can we add watching television to the list of "don't judge me" topics?

I think this is a hard area, b/c this IS a public forum, so anyone can read and post here, and I'm not sure they can hold anyone to different standards from the rest of the board. And sometimes, (and oooooooh I don't want to get flamed for this!) I think that it's easy for sn parents (myself included) to be more easily offended or frustrated with people who truly don't understand what goes on in our homes. It's ok for us to be frustrated and upset and really angry even, but it's important for me to remember that not everyone I know can truly understand how we live, and what my son needs. And that if their well-intentioned comments are hurtful or frustrating to me, I can either gently let them know how I feel or I can brush it off and go about my business.
post #3 of 138
I totally get your frustration. But this is only a tiny tiny part of MDC so I don't think something like this would be enforceable and I personally wouldn't ask them to change things for us. MDC is before all else, a natural family board.

BUT I do wish the main board were less judgmental when posting in the special needs area and realized that we try to do the best for our kids, even if somethings aren't viewed as natural family living or AP because of the adaptations we've made for our specific kids.

Thats why I don't call what we do "Attachment Parenting", I call it "Alternative Parenting". While a lot may be the same, everything is adapted to what works for our family.

Also: I think many people just don't realize what sub forum they are on when posting replies. It would rock if people took 2 seconds to read that first, lol.
post #4 of 138
I totally agree with your point. I also hope that people think before saying something judgemental especially people who are not familiar with what it's like having a child of a particular special need.
post #5 of 138
I totally agree with you, too. It is so hard, at times, to be a parent of a SN child who has many challenges. What I would give for my child not to be have sensory problems--and not eat any veggies, and crave crackers all the time, or have huge meltdowns when he can't have anymore, or to be potty trained at almost age 5, or to sleep through the night. I deal with enough pressures and questions/critisms/helpful advice from the rest of the world...I come here to get support.
post #6 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristine233 View Post

Also: I think many people just don't realize what sub forum they are on when posting replies. It would rock if people took 2 seconds to read that first, lol.
I think this is the main issue. A lot of people just read the "new posts" and don't realize what section they are posting in. I've seen problems result from this on more than just the SN parenting so it's a generalized problem. I do think that a lot of misunderstanding would be prevented if people just took a second to check the forum they're in prior to posting.
post #7 of 138
I know during the times of the NICU scammers/fakers, there was outcry to get the NICU forum turned semi private in some way.

I don't post much in here simply b/c I don't want Joe Schmoe in Kalamazoo to be able to see everything about my family and kids.

I think it would be great to have some sort of group membership or some way to control who can post in here.
post #8 of 138
I'm so glad you posted this because maybe we really can come up with a solution here (as opposed to IRL, where we have to deal with such judgment all the time, and there are no rules to stop it). I totally get that lots of people just have no clue when it comes to special needs parenting, so when they come here and say things that are ignorant, judgemental, etc, I'm kind of OK with that. Well, most days, anyway. For me, the shock and horror comes when we try to educate/explain/build compassion and the non-SN parents respond with defensiveness and anger. Not sure we could really *enforce* anything to guard against this though. All visitors to the SN forum must bow down to the years of grief, experience, and wisdom of SN moms?
post #9 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by kchoffmann View Post
All visitors to the SN forum must bow down to the years of grief, experience, and wisdom of SN moms?
Well duh!
post #10 of 138
Maybe some sort of pop up window that will happen the first 2 times you post here that says, "do you realize you're posting in the special needs forum?" or something?

Hell, I think the entire board could use an...uh....educating experience about looking down their noses in judgment/thinking they have the lock on the perfect mommy formula, but that's just me :.
post #11 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finch View Post
Hell, I think the entire board could use an...uh....educating experience about looking down their noses in judgment/thinking they have the lock on the perfect mommy formula, but that's just me :.
and me
post #12 of 138
What about a gentle reminder to posters that they are in the SN forum? Is there a granola ambassador for this forum? That might help too.

-fek, (who does not have a SN child but who learns a lot by reading here.)
post #13 of 138
Aren't there special rules for the "surviving abuse" forum?? Personally, I think this forum needs the same gentle reminders.
post #14 of 138
I totally see where you're coming from, but I think it sould stay an open forum. People can learn a lot from it, even if they don't have SN's kids. I think that maybe a note at the top of the thread or something isn't a bad thing, but I think it should stay open.
post #15 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finch View Post
Maybe some sort of pop up window that will happen the first 2 times you post here that says, "do you realize you're posting in the special needs forum?" or something?

Hell, I think the entire board could use an...uh....educating experience about looking down their noses in judgment/thinking they have the lock on the perfect mommy formula, but that's just me :.
me as well!

i think a pop up would be good, or as the message is about to post, make a warning message come up saying this is the special needs forum, still wish to reply?
post #16 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherWhimsey View Post
I totally see where you're coming from, but I think it sould stay an open forum. People can learn a lot from it, even if they don't have SN's kids. I think that maybe a note at the top of the thread or something isn't a bad thing, but I think it should stay open.
yeah, i wouldnt want it closed, i lurked here a while before finnaly posting, reading helped me realise the reality of my situation and seek out support/advice.
post #17 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finch View Post
Maybe some sort of pop up window that will happen the first 2 times you post here that says, "do you realize you're posting in the special needs forum?" or something?

Hell, I think the entire board could use an...uh....educating experience about looking down their noses in judgment/thinking they have the lock on the perfect mommy formula, but that's just me :.
See, and I was thinking of an actual hand coming out of the computer screen smacking the front of someones forehead who dares to challenge a sn'd mamas parenting ....
post #18 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderwahine View Post
yeah, i wouldnt want it closed, i lurked here a while before finnaly posting, reading helped me realise the reality of my situation and seek out support/advice.
I wouldn't want it closed either. Lurking helped me a great deal. Maybe closed to posting, but not reading? Then again, no. b/c I think that would deter a lot of folks who could use the initial information and support. Maybe just - we all need to remember that mdc is just an online extension of the real world. And the real world sucks. We do have a safe haven here, but it's just like everything else. IRL, there are annoyances. Same thing here. IRL though, we don't have the "ignore" function like we do here!
post #19 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by mykdsmomy View Post
See, and I was thinking of an actual hand coming out of the computer screen smacking the front of someones forehead who dares to challenge a sn'd mamas parenting ....
: maybe shaggy daddy could set that up and his ds could do the growling thing
post #20 of 138
I highly doubt anyone wants a closed forum. Right? I mean, how would we even do that - you have to PROVE that your child is SN? That's just ludicrousness. But I like the pop up idea. Like even more the hand coming out to flick a forehead
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