Tolerance and Understanding for Special Needs Parenting Please - Page 6

[Ms. Mom]

Originally Posted by mykdsmomy

How about something that says "please read the special forum guidelines before posting" so that people have to read something before they post.....kind of like the pop ups that say "I have read and agreed to these terms and conditions etc".....or has that already been suggested? sorry...long day

We really don't have a way of doing this. I know the problem exists in other forums. Well meaning members come by and post without fully understanding the issue at hand or what the poster has already been through. This is where you can either gently ask them to read the entire thread or, if the post is particularly rude, report the post or PM the forum mod or an administrator, we're always willing to lend a hand.

Originally Posted by avent

On the "New Posts" page is it possible to either:

1) Rearrange the configuration so the "Forum" column (currently last) is next to the column with the title of the thread? it might be more visible and it seems more relevant than what time the last post was or who made it (other columns).

2) Color certain forums with a color on the "New Posts" page? So the thread title would be there and then under forum it would say "Special Needs Parenting" (or other sensitive forums) but the color could be green or something?

It is not possible to do this. Even if we could, I don't think members would pay attention to the coding system.

Originally Posted by Kodama

Just an idea.

Perhaps for the repeat offenders who like to preach their ideals, they could get their posting privileges to the SN forum suspended for a short period to get them to back off.

An example would be if a child was switched to elemental formula due to severe GI issues (like a severe eoinsophillic disorder) and the same person came in and started harassing the person for no longer breastfeeding due to this valid medical reason, they could get a warning to stop and back off. If they kept it up, they could get their ability to post there suspended for a few days. If they really started in and had a crusade to preach to all the SN parents about how they are doing AP wrong, they could be blocked for posting to the SN forum for a longer period of time.

This is something that we have done/will do on an individual basis. It is not specifically written into our UA or forum guidelines, but yes, if a member was intentionally posting in a harassing way, we would take appropriate action. We do not tolerate members posting in a harassing manner but we do count on you - our members - to let us know.

Originally Posted by Kodama

Another example of my frustration:

I personally have gotten some PM's from well intentioned people who lurk trying to tell me about "alternatives" to seizure medications for my daughter. What they do not realize that I, like many other parents in that forum, have researched the hell out of things. We know the pros and the cons. A lot of us HAVE tried the natural approaches first. However, there are times where we have to go the more mainstream route for our kids because it is a matter of life or death for them. I have tried to go medication free for my daughter and do the more natural approaches. For her, they did not work. We had to put her back on medication, and when we did her quality of life and development improved.

From time to time, there will be a well meaning passerby who will see a thread about a parent medicating their child and get on to them about the risks of medication. I personally wish that they would read the poster's previous posts and find out if the person has done their research before posting their "informative" reply. 99.9999% of the time in the SN forum, a parent HAS ALREADY done a lot of research and agonizing before making the decision to medicate.

Again, this is something we handle on an individual basis. You can simply reply to a well meaning member 'thank you, but no thanks you'. If a PM is rude or harassing - simply forward it to myself or Abimommy and we will follow up on it. But remember never to post a PM or about a member on the main boards - just pm us and we'll take it from there.

I see your point about support only. Maybe respectful debate only. I think in the case of special needs children there isn't one exact science on any given SN, so sharing ideas and what works for one, but not another can be very helpful.

I do want to ask everyone to please be aware of our UA on this thread and make sure we are not talking about other members or other discussions on the boards. Let's keep this about forum guidelines and what we can do together to make the forum a comfortable place for SN parents to discuss and share both ideas and struggles

Sorry the thread got moved again.

[avent]

Originally Posted by Jacque Savageau

It is not possible to do this. Even if we could, I don't think members would pay attention to the coding system.

Ok, thanks for letting me know. I just lurk in special needs as a way to try and be more informed, but I've made the mistake (in another forum) of not realizing where I was posting and was embarrassed. Was trying to prevent that through UI changes. I never want to do that again.

[FancyD]

Slightly OT, but who is the mod for Special Needs Parenting? I checked on the forum, but none of those mods have 'Moderator of SNP' in their profile. Am I missing it?

[mamaverdi]

I want to restate as a question:

Is it possible to make a SMILIE that states something like:

"Be gentle: this post concerns a special needs child."

[bamamom]

Originally Posted by Kodama

Another example of my frustration:

I personally have gotten some PM's from well intentioned people who lurk trying to tell me about "alternatives" to seizure medications for my daughter. What they do not realize that I, like many other parents in that forum, have researched the hell out of things. We know the pros and the cons. A lot of us HAVE tried the natural approaches first. However, there are times where we have to go the more mainstream route for our kids because it is a matter of life or death for them. I have tried to go medication free for my daughter and do the more natural approaches. For her, they did not work. We had to put her back on medication, and when we did her quality of life and development improved.

From time to time, there will be a well meaning passerby who will see a thread about a parent medicating their child and get on to them about the risks of medication. I personally wish that they would read the poster's previous posts and find out if the person has done their research before posting their "informative" reply. 99.9999% of the time in the SN forum, a parent HAS ALREADY done a lot of research and agonizing before making the decision to medicate.

This strikes home for me. I did the natural route with ds for a long time, assuming things would work out. They didnt. He could have died if we'd continued that route.

Modern medicine keeps him alive. It keeps him comfortable. I like your ideas.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

And whoever (whomever?) it was that started talking about giving birth to a creature with antlers, and someone's who-ha getting sucked up into their uterus? Thanks, folks. I read that and snorted in the middle of my class this evening.

: Everyone has to do their part!

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by mamaverdi

I want to restate as a question:

Is it possible to make a SMILIE that states something like:

"Be gentle: this post concerns a special needs child."

I think this is a good idea. Now, it means that we'd have to put that in our posts ourselves, but that'd be ok with me.

[jauncourt]

I'm just posting to say that I am starting to feel very uncomfortable about posting anything on the SN board after the past day or so. I guess it's feeling like it is not okay for us to be honest there?

Maura

[fullofgrace]

Of course honesty is OK. We just have to balance what we post publicly on MDC's boards with Mothering's Statement of Purpose & the User Agreement. MDC's basic posting guidelines apply no matter what forum we post in here. So for example, advocating hitting/hand slapping (no matter the reason) is something that Mothering fiercely advocates against so MDC will not host posts that are in opposition with that viewpoint.

[Kodama]

This is an honest question and not meant to be rude at all.


Are any of the moderators for the Special Needs Forum actually parents of special needs children or have special needs themselves?

[Kodama]

Originally Posted by fullofgrace

Of course honesty is OK. We just have to balance what we post publicly on MDC's boards with Mothering's Statement of Purpose & the User Agreement. MDC's basic posting guidelines apply no matter what forum we post in here. So for example, advocating hitting/hand slapping (no matter the reason) is something that Mothering fiercely advocates against so MDC will not host posts that are in opposition with that viewpoint.

I wanted to say this in defense of the parents there. No one in the SN group is for hitting or hand slapping or spanking. I am 99.999999999999999999999995% sure that everyone who is there agrees fully with MDC's statement of purpose and UA. It is very hard to put this into words and explain where these people are coming from. I think what was talked about there was done in situations of extreme stress. No one is proud of that or advocating that at all. Also, we are imperfect people dealing with situations that would make a grown man cry.

I seriously hope that the "true confessions of a SN mom" thread gets reviewed, edited, and put back because it was a VERY helpful thread to A LOT of parents who are under an INSANE amount of stress right now.

[harpertrance]

i was wondering the EXACT same thing...

[Ms. Mom]

Originally Posted by Kodama

This is an honest question and not meant to be rude at all.


Are any of the moderators for the Special Needs Forum actually parents of special needs children or have special needs themselves?

We do not require our moderators to be 'experts' in the forums they moderate. They are here to make sure the forum runs smoothly and according to our user agreement and forum guidelines.

I just removed a few posts about hand slapping and some that were quoting. Please remember our User Agreement when posting.

[harpertrance]

Originally Posted by Kodama

I wanted to say this in defense of the parents there. No one in the SN group is for hitting or hand slapping or spanking. I am 99.999999999999999999999995% sure that everyone who is there agrees fully with MDC's statement of purpose and UA.

I seriously hope that the "true confessions of a SN mom" thread gets reviewed, edited, and put back because it was a VERY helpful thread to A LOT of parents who are under an INSANE amount of stress right now.

took the words outta my mouth again. I dont understand why it was removed in the first place. Sheesh. :

[harpertrance]

Originally Posted by Jacque Savageau

We do not require our moderators to be 'experts' in the forums they moderate. They are here to make sure the forum runs smoothly and according to our user agreement and forum guidelines.

I just removed a few posts about hand slapping and some that were quoting. Please remember our User Agreement when posting.

so thats a no then?

hmm. alrighty.

kind of reminds me of "why would someone who doesnt like kids, be a teacher"

if they dont know what some of the moms are going through, how can they judge?

... just wondering.

[fullofgrace]

Originally Posted by Kodama

I wanted to say this in defense of the parents there. No one in the SN group is for hitting or hand slapping or spanking. I am 99.999999999999999999999995% sure that everyone who is there agrees fully with MDC's statement of purpose and UA.

Oh ITA. I only had that most recent example to draw from. It wasn't meant as anything other than that. I apologize if it appeared otherwise.

[Kodama]

I will do my best to remember the UA when posting. I promise.

Is it possible for you to at the very least consider appointing a moderator who is a parent of a special needs child or has special needs themselves? They would have a perspective and a point of view that would be very valuable. Our kids aren't the average AP/NFP kids. It would really make the other parents feel good to have someone there who is "one of us" in a sense. It is hard to put into words.

I wish people here could understand and respect the pain involved in not being able to do AP and NFP like you had hoped and dreamed about when you were pregnant. I wish people could understand and know how it feels to grieve over not getting the chance to even try. I wish people here could be just a little bit tolerant towards us and be thankful for what they have. I feel as if the parents of children with different disabilities are being discriminated against and being told basically that we don't belong here because we can't adhere to all the NFL beliefs like those with typical children can. The women on the SN board should be a testimony to MDC about what wonderful, non-judgmental, supportive forums can be. And despite our ways of achieving it, we DO in fact practice AP in the sense that Attachment Parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby.

I am NOT attacking the moderators. Please do not think I am or misunderstand what I am saying! I think they are doing a great job. Considering how huge this place is and the amount of traffic it gets, it boggles my mind. I highly respect all of you!

In fear of putting my foot in my mouth further or violating the UA, I will be quiet now. Again, I am sorry for offending anyone.

[FancyD]

I would also prefer a SN parent as a mod, but who has the time?:

That's not a rhetorical question! If any of us has the time to moderate the board, then I'm all for it.

[harpertrance]

here here!! I agree 100%

[harpertrance]

this is starting to seem like a power trip or something. just my honest opinion.

but yeah im going to shut up now. I hope that this does not end messy.