am i a hypocrite?

[the elyse]

so i'm having my second sometime in february, and i've been a doula for almost 2 years. i didn't have (or know about) a doula with dd, and i don't want (or feel that i need) a doula at my homebirth. anyone else feel this way?

[rmzbm]

I'm not a doula...but in no way do I think you're a hypocrite!

[dex_millie]

I don't think you're a hypocrite. If you don't feel you need one then why get one. I am not a doula eighter. I didn't use one because I expected my husband to be one(and he did a great job) and it was more money I couldn't afford.

[time4another]

Well if you're one, then I am too.

I didn't feel the need to have one for my homebirth.

However, I did need them at my hospital births.

Heather

[homemademomma]

i practiced as a doula for a few years, and specifically did not want one for either of my (home) births.

[balancedmama]

I am a doula and would probably not have had one at my homebirth if my good friend had not also been a doula. I had two very hands-on midwives at my birth.

[the elyse]

okay good. just wanted to see how many mamas feel the same way. i just want to keep this experience as intimate as possible!

[mamallama]

I'm a retired doula. I didn't have a doula at any of my births. I should have had one at my hospital birth, but I wasn't a doula then & I didn't realize how badly doulas are needed at the hospital.

In fact, I asked my midwife not to come to my second homebirth Fortunately for me, she was fine with coming after the birth & giving postpartum care.

[Alison Cole]

We're not planning on having a doula unless we need to transfer to the hospital, at which point such support would be sorely needed. However, if all goes as we hope it will, we've got eachother and our midwives, and I think it will be enough.

[mwherbs]

excellent point Alison i was going to write something similar. if you were to transfer to the hospital would you want a doula? Or if you were not getting the support you wanted during the birth would you call a doula friend over to help out?

[jakesask]

I think doulas exist to help women who want/need their help. You not wanting a doula doesn't mean that there aren't still lots of women who DO want doulas, and it doesn't mean that you don't believe in the value of your own services. It just means you aren't one of the women who want/need a doula!

You're in an advantaged position -- you have all that doula knowledge already, inside yourself, so I think it quite makes sense that you wouldn't feel a particular need to have a doula.

I'm not a doula, but I have studied childbirth for a long while now, and I had no intention of having a doula at my birth -- I didn't feel the need for one. I am having a doula now because there was one in my area looking for a first homebirth experience and she volunteered to attend and I was happy to help her get the experience. I'm sure she'll contribute something useful to my birth experience, but I don't feel that I need her, even though I firmly believe in the value of doulas.

[3daughters]

I've been going back and forth on this issue too. I don't feel that I 'need' a doula either. I do think that I will invite some supportive friends to be around for the birth because they may have some good suggestions and they can be a valuable second pair of hands if dh or the midwife are busy or unavailable.

[Mamabeakley]

I am considering working as a doula, but I have not had one at either of my homebirths. I felt I had enough support available to me from DH & my mom. I might have hired a doula for my 1st hb if my mom had been too far away to come - or I might not - I don't know. At my 2nd hb, I had a mw & birth assistant I knew better than w/my 1st hb & I felt I had enough support even if my mom didn't get there in time - DH as my emotional center and mw & ba as women with me. If I for any reason was PLANNING a hospital birth (which circumstance is hard for me to imagine, but just for pretend . . .) I would hire a doula. If I transferred from a homebirth, my MW would stay with me in a supportive role, as would her assistant. They do not have hospital priviledges so they would be there more as "doulas" than as primary care providers.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I'm trained as a doula though I don't practice, and I highly recommend doulas. I didn't have one with either of my births though. I kind of wish I had had one with my hospital birth, but I'd never give birth in a hospital again unless it would be lifesaving, and I definitely prefer as few people around as possible so I didn't need a doula at home.

[homewithtwinsmama]

I have had doulas at both of my hospital births(high risk preterm twins both times), but not my singleton homebirth last time. I am expecting a singleton again and planning for homebirth and again do not want a doula. I have been a doula for 8 years, but I like my homebirths to be just dh,kids and 1 midwife.

[Om Girl]

If you don't want one, you don't have to have one just because you are one!
You already know how to advocate for yourself, the process of labor and different communication techniques...the main reasons why people use doulas in the first place...

[Collinsky]

I'm a doula and have only had unassisted births - the only one I want during labor and birth is my Dh. I think part of being a doula is being completely supportive of what the birthing mama wants and needs, and understanding and accepting that that is different for every single woman.

Every woman deserves a doula; not every woman has to have one!!

[momileigh]

Would an OB be a hypocrite if she used a midwife?

Would a midwife be a hypocrite if she had an unassisted birth?

I don't think so.

[DoomaYula]

Hi Elyse!

I don't think you're a hypocrite. I think it's whatever works for you. I like having a doula there -- if not for my own support, just to get stuff done. Angela was with me at Sydney's birth and she did a lot of basic stuff: made the bed, put down towels and plastic everywhere, got me water, etc.

I think maybe it also depends on your dh. You know mine kind of leaves the birthing stuff to me, if Chris is more hands-on then there's no need.

[wildthing]

I am a doula, but have never had a doula at any of my births. I am the type of person who needs privacy. I think it is an idividual choice. I do think that every woman who WANTS a doula should have one. If we tranferred to the hospital, my midwife goes with and then becomes our doula while we are there.