How to get over the sadness

[Heavenly]

about switching from homeschooling to sending your kids to school. I am really, really struggling with homeschooling. Honestly I have been every day that I've been doing it. I won't get into a long description but I don't feel I am a good homeschooling parent. There is a Christian school that is new in our area, they are only in their second year. They are a great family focused school. They are a small school, which I like. They are so small that all the classes are split grade - jk/sk, 1/2, 3/4, 5/6, 7/8. I have researched them a lot and they seem like a wonderful school that I think my kids would really enjoy. The part I'm having trouble with is I have always planned to homeschool and sending them to school would almost be like giving in. I feel like everyone would view me as a failure or that they were right all along. Second, how in the world could I just see my kids for a few hours a day. That seems crazy to me. But at the same time seeing them all the hours I am seeing them right now makes me constantly irritated with them and wishing they would just go away! How would I let go of the homeschooling community we've become involved with? We basically would not see those people again because the kids are friends with them in lessons and activities but they don't get together outside of those. The homeschooling community has been a big part of my life for so long that I am afraid I would feel lost without it. And what about their lessons? They are involved in so many lessons which they love but if they were in school we would not be able to afford them all because we would be paying tuition and also they wouldn't have enough time to do them all. Right now Elijah does Beavers, judo, breakdancing and violin and Olivia does Sparks, gymnastics, Irish dancing and ballet. They love every one of those activities. How can I make them choose 2 or more to give up? I am just so confused about all of this but I have wanted to send them to school for a long time. My DH is dead set against it but I just think them being home with me all day is not a great environment all the time. I have bipolar, SID, and other health problems. I am not a very patient person and to be honest I snap at them alot. When I am not with them all the time (like if they spend the day at a friend's house or out with my DH) I am all excited to see them and talk to them and spend time with them but with them here all day I feel like I don't even want to be around them at all anymore. One more issue is that I talked badly about school before and now my kids are convinced it is a horrible, evil place (I didn't go that far, but that's what they took from what I said) and they say they will never go there. I told them I was talking about public school and that this small Christian school would be very different but they don't believe me. I guess we could ask the school if we could do a tour and give the kids a better idea of what it would be like. I have made the decision to put them in school so many times and then backtracked because I am scared and to be honest, embarrassed because I have been so adament about homeschooling all these years and I feel like I am giving in. But the fact that I keep going back to wanting to put them in school means something. Obviously I have a desire to do so and I am overwhelmed by homeschooling. Any input you can give me is appreciated.

[kathymuggle]

Can you afford a mother's helper or childcare? Someone to come in every 2 days or so for a few hours to give you a break? You sound overwhelmed

I think you have been committed to HS in the past - perhaps it is worth trying to meet your needs within this context? Particulalry as :
-your kids do not want to go to school
-your kids have a lot of beloved activities
-you are connected to a social network with HS
-DH is opposed

Even if you do decide to send the kids to school, if you go the childcare route for a few weeks or months first, you will at least know you tried everything to make it work. It may make the decision rest a little easier.

FWIW, I have 2 children in school, and 1 who is HS. While I am not without bias (who is??) I am not adamantly for or opposed to either option.

Peace and good luck!

Kathy

[mattemma04]

If you are the primary teacher for the kids it is important to take your needs into consideration. Hs like ps school can be good only if the environment is good. Perhaps part time schooling could be an option with the place you are considering.

You adjust to not seeing the kids during the day.It helps a lot to know that they are happy in school or a class. Mine are not happy most times and it weighs heavy on me every day.

Since your dh is very much for hsing perhaps there is a way for him to take up more of it,so you can work on your personal needs.Also,just because you give ps/private/eschool a try does not mean you are a hs failure.Parent teaching does not end when you send your kid outside of the home to learn.
They may like it and if they don't you try something else.Keep trying different things,because you WILL find something that works and there is no need to be embarrassed about any of it.Best wishes!