Pacis and Swings

[veganjoy]

I'm a bit confused about using some common parenting "tools" with our little one.

She's usually comforted by the breast, or by DH or my finger in her mouth. I'd love to continue this, but sometimes I just need to set her down for a moment or step away to do something quickly. DH mentioned last night that she just might need to comfort suck without feeding, and that a paci might be helpful. Apart from nipple confusion, what are the drawbacks of using a paci? Someone on the BF forum also mentioned that using any form of artificial nipple (this included) means a mama isn't exclusively breastfeeding. Thoughts on this?

And swings: I was determined this just wouldn't be necessary, and that I'd just sling Glory or rock her in my arms if she fussed. It just seemed better to comfort her myself, rather than with the help of a machine. I hold her or sleep next to her nearly all day, and I don't expect this would change, but some evenings she's near inconsolable, and I'm not sure what to do. Is this just a phase that passes? Or would a swing really be helpful here?

[GinaRae]

nak

There are no RULES for attachment parenting. There are some guidelines, but you as the parent have to make the decisions yourself. Whatever works for you as a family.

I would suggest waiting a couple of weeks for a paci. We're trying to wait 6 weeks before we decide to try. Later you will deal with taking it away, but I did that when the boys got busy and mobile early on.

I don't believe a paci means you're not exclusively BF! If your baby needs a paci then you're doping what's best for baby.

Also, swings, Ambys, papasan seats, etc.. they are tools. I don't feel bad about using them as needed. It's just that if you never hold baby and instead prop a bottle up in the swing 5 times a day.. that's not so good. But if baby needs help napping and you need help. then these things are tools.

I didn't buy anything but a papasan before he was born. I am now buying an Amby out of need and I may borrow a friend's swing out of need. But he's mostly in my arms.

You're already doing more than most parents by trying to be thoughtful and educated! I think you can trust yourself to do what's right. You're a great mama.

[FillingMyQuiver]

Originally Posted by veganjoy

. DH mentioned last night that she just might need to comfort suck without feeding, and that a paci might be helpful. Apart from nipple confusion, what are the drawbacks of using a paci? Someone on the BF forum also mentioned that using any form of artificial nipple (this included) means a mama isn't exclusively breastfeeding. Thoughts on this?

This has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!!! And I actually take offense to it (not from you, mama, from the mom who said it).

First off, kudos to you for wanting to be so in tune to your LO. As Gina said, there are no "rules". You do what you think is best for your family.

As far as pacis and soothers are concerned, I can vouch that it's okay to give them before 4wks or 6 wks or whatever, as long as you are in tune to your child. I have an oversupply issue so when my babes have had the need to suck for comfort, I use pacis If I don't, they're met w/ a very forceful, unwanted let down that causes them painful gassiness and reflux. All 3 of my kids have taken a paci since birth. Is it something I advocate to all mamas, no, it's not what all mamas need, but I recognize there are times that situations call for certain measures. ALL my children have been exclusively bfed, regardless of paci use. They get 100% of their nourishment from mama, no formula, until they show a solids readiness. To say they're not EBF b/c of paci use is insulting to me. I've worked VERY hard at my bfing relationship w/ my children, why else would I be currently triandem nursing a 3.5yo, a 2yo, and a 3wk old??

As far as the swing, it's a tool as Gina said. I don't have a problem w/ them as long as they're not abused. Just keep in mind your child may not like it. We tried a swing w/ my oldest, he HATED it. I think we used it a total of 4xs. We actually ended up giving it away and I haven't gotten a new one for the last 2 kids.

You find what works for your family. Mama needs her sanity too.

[oskie]

Just watch her latch if you give the paci - it really did affect James after using one for only a short while, so we've shelved it for now. I'm not philosophically opposed to pacifiers, but so far it hasn't been a good solution for us.

As for the swing, can you borrow one from a friend/relative to see if she likes it? Some babies love 'em, some hate 'em so it can be nice to see which camp Glory is in before you spend any money.

Also, have you tried swaddling her at night? It really seemed to cut down on that inconsolable crying because he felt nice and secure.

[saimeiyu]

I think maybe the pacifier/exclusive BF thing MUST have been in reference to using breastfeeding as birth control. What that means is most times, using a pacifier will interfere with the natural stimulation that the baby at your breast provides, in terms of hormone production. If the baby uses a pacifier, sometimes you will start your period earlier than you would have if the baby didn't use one. So as long as you're not planning on relying totally on BF for birth control, and your baby doesn't get nipple-confused, it's probably fine as long as you don't lose connection w/ when the baby's actually hungry.

As far as not being able to hold baby all the time or just let her nurse while you do something, I have to ask: Do you have a sling or some sort of babywearing device? I find that sometimes it's very hard to get my DD to go to sleep if she's really fussy and tired without the swinging motion, but I don't want to buy a baby swing for a couple reasons: 1) I think it might be too easy for me to get in the habit of leaving her to "self-entertain" in the swing, and I think that's a bad idea, and 2) I don't really have a place to put one.
Instead, I put the baby in the sling, and I kind of jiggle my legs or my torso and that makes the rockng motion, when I'm sitting (like at the computer right now!) or I stand and kind of twist. I can do the dishes, read a book, talk, write, throw clothes/diapers in the wash, etc. like that, and it keeps her calm and contented while I go about my business

[veganjoy]

Originally Posted by saimeiyu

I think maybe the pacifier/exclusive BF thing MUST have been in reference to using breastfeeding as birth control. What that means is most times, using a pacifier will interfere with the natural stimulation that the baby at your breast provides, in terms of hormone production.

I'm hoping that must have been the case; it sounded so odd otherwise (and as FillingMyQuiver mentioned, insulting).

I do have several slings, and am just getting around to using them. Things have been pretty relaxed since the birth, and I'm trying to avoid extra exertion in order to speed healing. I'll definitely try them more once I get more mobile. Right now, I've got Glory on my legs, and am rocking her with them from side to side. She's completely chill, it's working great, and I definitely like having her this close!

Another reason for not wanting more equipment is just plain simplicity. I want to be able to take the babe out (or just stay in) without taking a load of stuff with me. I really like tossing a few diapers and wipes in my purse, grabbing kiddo, and travelling light.

[*Lindsey*]

Everyone else has said it better than I could. Do what you need to do to keep you and your baby happy.

edited to add: I hope that didn't sound snarky. I wouldn't survive being a mom of twins without pacis or a swing.

[renaissanceed]

We have a swing because we were loaned one from friends and I have to say, that with a busy toddler in the house, it's sometimes nice to have somewhere for the baby to sleep that's not in a sling for a short nap, so I can more easily play Ring around the Rosie and actually fall over or other active games like that.

We didn't use the swing much with DD because it was just her and me and I held her all the time, often in a sling.

As for pacis, we did give one to DD at 4 weeks because she loved to comfort nurse but I produced so much milk that she vomited all the time from eating too much in the evening. Since we are still BF at 22 months and I didn't get my period back til she was 1 year old, it worked well for us, but it is a personal choice and one that you have to make sure works for you and your baby.

[welldone]

I agree with much of what's been said. Use parenting tools wisely. I like your attitude of erring on the side of simplicity--that's almost always the best choice.

I'd like to add that the choices you make with your firstborn are going to be different than the choices you make with subsequent children. Not only are the children each unique, but your resources are also stretched.

With my firstborn, I was very careful to avoid using all the extra stuff--why would I, I reasoned, when I was there to take care of her? And that was as it should have been. I slung her, nursed here as much as she wanted, and she didn't use a pacifier. With my second and third, I've discovered that some of those parenting tools became necessary. When I could no longer nurse my second born as much as she wanted because I also had to gently and attentively parent my firstborn, a pacifier became useful for comfort sucking. A bouncy seat and swing became handy to keep the toddler from trampling the newborn. I felt very guilty about these choices until I realized how silly it was to feel as such.

In conclusion , your parenting choices are affected largely by your priorities and resources, and those things change with each parent and each child. There are a few absolutes (in my opinion) but largely, avoiding and/or embracing a paci/swing might both be the right choice.

[mittendrin]

O, the the labels are given out again.....Sorry, but I get a bit ticked with all the rules and what am I supposed to do as an AP mom or not.
Paci? Didn't need it with my last one, WISH this one would take it. Nada! I am still exclusively breastfeeding, his only source of food is my boob.
Swing? Didn't need it before, why the heck does this one not like being in it 5 mins here or there. WHYYYYYYY????!!!!
Guess I am not AP. I can live with it.

Btw, he doesn't like the bouncer, papasan or carseat either. :

[superfastreader]

I have actually worried about this kind of thing. Bea sometimes is happy to sleep in the bassinet or in the car seat after falling asleep in the car. At first I wondered if that meant I was not being a good AP mama, that I should never let her be alone even if she wants to. But that seemed rigid to me, too perfectionistic and unhealthy for that reason.

I figured that what's most important is that she's happy and cared for and that she knows that if she needs me I am here for her. And since AP is supposed to foster healthy independence I should follow her cue and let her sleep alone if she's happy. If she starts to fuss DH or l pick her right up.

[sorteep]

i have no issue with reasonable use of paci or swing.. sounds reasonable to mee.....go with your gut instincts and comfort zone and you will be fine...

[Curlita]

I make use of pacis and a swing almost every day, at some point. Like other posters have mentioned, I cannot always be holding and nursing babe and if sucking a paci or sitting in a swing (or both) can keep him happy for the time it takes me to shower, fix a meal, or run downstairs to do laundry, then I feel okay with that. There may be some mamas who can be purists about meeting ALL their babies' needs themselves. But the most important thing is that baby is happy and the needs are being met.

[kathteach]

I felt about the paci like you did but my LC actually recommended it to meet the baby's sucking needs. I was really surprised.
I have read that in some tribal cultures, Grandma or aunt or whatever will put baby to breast to help mom out. They are not lactating, just giving the baby comfort. So.....since most of us don't have a tribe/extended family offering to be human pacifiers for us I think a paci is just fine. Honestly, IMO it's cruel to deny a baby their need just to be a purist--NOT saying anyone here is doing this. For months I never used a paci with my first son and he was fussy a lot. I finally gave in and he was a different baby, much much happier. Now with Desmond, he doesn't seem to like it or want it. He makes this disgusted face when I try.