my dd ignores me

[sweetpea333]

I have always been able to control my temper and always stay positive with my kids and manage to keep the peace for the majority of the day... then dd turned 3 and she does not listen to me when I kindly tell her not to do something, even if I repeat myself 6x I have to physically (gently) stop her most of the time from doing what she isn't supposed to do.

example: The dog goes into my bedroom while eat dinner or snacks and when I see my dd standing up to leave the table I know she is going to let the dog out, so I'll say "please don't let the dog out, I don't want her jumping on the table" she acts like she didn't hear me and continues even when i repeat myself.

she is also constantly trying to bother her 2 year old sister by putting her feet on her while on the couch kicking her legs at her sister or pulling her sisters blanket, again I have to sit between them and she screams for me to go away.

she ALWAYS wants what toy her sister is playing with and will end up stealing it with or without a fight..

She is definitely getting enough attention, and a fun schedule.. any advice on dealing with this would be great!

[bluezephyr]

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[The4OfUs]

Ah yes - the 3 yo selective hearing. It's normal, annoying as all get out, but normal. My best way to deal with it has been to first get his attention before giving my request ("DS, please look at me for a sec"), and then after the request, ask "do you understand what I just said?" (not in a mean or snotty tone, but literally confirming that he was paying attention and heard me).

Another thing I do, is if I've asked once, then twice, I will say, "Hey bud, this is the third time I'm asking you to X" or, "This is the last time I'm going to ask you to X yourself, then I'll help you" (again not snotty, just matter of fact) and that usually snaps him out of his selective hearing .

Those are two things that get the best result here. Unfortunately, I don't always remember to use them, which them leads to mommy getting aggravated and raising her voice. :

The feet thing I just wouldn't let her sit next to sis, and be very matter of fact, not angry or anything, "Until you can stop kicking her, you can't sit next to her." and then if she's mad, she's mad and that's OK but she still doesn't get to kick her sister. You could also ask her for ideas of what else she could do to connect with her sis since kicking her is not OK, and let her know if her sis is "bugging" her to ask you for help instead of trying to kick her away or anything (even though I know sis probably isn't really bugging her)

Same thing with the toys. I remind DS that if he wants something she has, he needs to wait for a turn, give her a trade that she will accept, or ask me for help to make a trade - but that if he takes it from her without asking or waiting for help, that it's going to be returned to her until she's done with her turn. And I do the same for him with her. They each have some toys they don't have to share, but most of them they do. DD is simply not verbal enough for them to work things out on their own yet. Once DD gets more verbal I'll start letting them work things out on their own more, but not until then.

Hope some of this helps!

[bluezephyr]

Heather--so, what happens when you tell him "This is the last time I'm going to ask you to X yourself, then I'll help you" and he doesn't and you help? Does he get mad? That's our problem--the selective hearing leads to intervention which leads to complete and utter meltdown. The girls have all sorts of other things going on in their lives so I'm partially just trying to distinguish age stage from grief/anger/rage/insecurity/attachment issues...not easy.

[aaronsmom]

My DS does this. I don't really have any advice because if he's set on ignoring me then I usually end up having to remove him from whatever it is I don't want him to be doing. I figure he'll grow out of it.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by bluezephyr

Heather--so, what happens when you tell him "This is the last time I'm going to ask you to X yourself, then I'll help you" and he doesn't and you help? Does he get mad? That's our problem--the selective hearing leads to intervention which leads to complete and utter meltdown. The girls have all sorts of other things going on in their lives so I'm partially just trying to distinguish age stage from grief/anger/rage/insecurity/attachment issues...not easy.

Sometimes he's fine, sometimes he'll shout, "I was going to do it!" and freaks out, and I say, "I'm sorry you're disappointed, I asked you a few times and you didn't do it - you can do it yourself next time", give him a little hug, and kind of let him work it out and he's generally OK in a few minutes. I had been occasionally doing "do overs", but that was leading to more problems than before - I think do overs work for some ids, but upset others more.