...I posted in another thread here recently about almost 4-yo DS making ridiculous statements that he doesn't really mean when he's upset. Like...
Me: "DS, please don't poke your sister in the eye like that, that could really hurt her."
DS: "I don't WANT you to be my mommy! I want to go live in a DIFFERENT house!" (sob! gasp! choke!)
/end scene
Then 2 minutes later, he says, "mommy I love you" with a big hug, or otherwise negates whatever similar ridiculous statement he previously made - which is I know him compensating for feeling bad about saying those things he didn't mean. This mostly happens when I'm asking him to stop doing something he wants to do (and the something is usually either destructive, inconsiderate, or unsafe, so it's not like I'll reconsider the "no"), or he's sad about something fun being over. Sometimes the statements are at least related (me saying no eye poking and him not wanting me to be his mommy), sometimes they are completely unrelated (me: "sorry hon, we're out of apple juice, how about some water?" DS: "I don't want X to be my friend anymore!!!!" (sob!) Uhhhh. okayyyyyyyyyyy.......
)
Clearly some big emotions going on for my guy right now, and clearly not having a handle on how to express himself. I've tried 2 different things:
I have been asking him to not say anything when he's really upset like that, because even though they're just words, they can hurt people's feelings, and that I know he doesn't really mean those things because he always changes his mind - that when he's sad or mad he can just think things inside his head and then when he's calmed down we can talk about what happened. This is really NOT doing anything at all.
Alternatively, I've been kind of doing a playful parenting type thing, exaggerating what he's saying and building on it - "I know, you don't want me to be your mommy anymore, or DD to be your sister, or DH to be your daddy, and you want to go live in a different house in a different state with a different family!" - and he sobs "YES!" and then 2 minutes later is fine. But to me this almost feels like I'm mocking him?
Just wondering if anyone had any ideas or experience with this.
Thanks!
Me: "DS, please don't poke your sister in the eye like that, that could really hurt her."
DS: "I don't WANT you to be my mommy! I want to go live in a DIFFERENT house!" (sob! gasp! choke!)
/end scene
Then 2 minutes later, he says, "mommy I love you" with a big hug, or otherwise negates whatever similar ridiculous statement he previously made - which is I know him compensating for feeling bad about saying those things he didn't mean. This mostly happens when I'm asking him to stop doing something he wants to do (and the something is usually either destructive, inconsiderate, or unsafe, so it's not like I'll reconsider the "no"), or he's sad about something fun being over. Sometimes the statements are at least related (me saying no eye poking and him not wanting me to be his mommy), sometimes they are completely unrelated (me: "sorry hon, we're out of apple juice, how about some water?" DS: "I don't want X to be my friend anymore!!!!" (sob!) Uhhhh. okayyyyyyyyyyy.......
)Clearly some big emotions going on for my guy right now, and clearly not having a handle on how to express himself. I've tried 2 different things:
I have been asking him to not say anything when he's really upset like that, because even though they're just words, they can hurt people's feelings, and that I know he doesn't really mean those things because he always changes his mind - that when he's sad or mad he can just think things inside his head and then when he's calmed down we can talk about what happened. This is really NOT doing anything at all.
Alternatively, I've been kind of doing a playful parenting type thing, exaggerating what he's saying and building on it - "I know, you don't want me to be your mommy anymore, or DD to be your sister, or DH to be your daddy, and you want to go live in a different house in a different state with a different family!" - and he sobs "YES!" and then 2 minutes later is fine. But to me this almost feels like I'm mocking him?
Just wondering if anyone had any ideas or experience with this.
Thanks!
