A Liberal Mom in a Conservative World

[barbara73069]

I just had to post, I sooooo hate judgemental people. Yes I am pretty liberal in raising my daughters but they both do well in school, are responsible, and are honest and respectful. What more could I ask for? I have always given my daughters (17 and 15) alot of freedom to make their own choices and to learn from their own mistakes. Sure they have made some not so good choices along the way but who hasn't. I've always felt that mistakes are good learning experiences. Both my girls are in long term relationships and both are sexually active and practice safe sex. My youngest daughter's bf stayed overnight last night which sometimes happens here on weekends. So I go outside to get my paper this morning and see my neighbor. She begins to ask about the strange car in the driveway and i tell her it's Jenny's bf's car. She then took it upon herself to basically tell me what a bad parent i was (not exactly in those terms) and how that would never ever happen at her house and on and on and on... Now bare in mind she didn't have any idea whether Jenny's bf was sleeping on the couch or in the guest room (which he wasn't lol) but she didn't know that. But she had to tell me what a sad situation this was and infer what a terrible mother I am. And I had to hear all this before I even had my first cup of coffee grrrrrr. I'm not saying I'm the best parent in the world but I just try to do what I think is best..and so far it has worked for me. I don't judge others and I don't think it's anybody else's business what goes on in my house. I know I might get bashed for this post...but I just hate judgemental people that think they are so perfect. There is no manual on raising kids and we all just have to do what we think is best. What a way to start my weekend...now where's my coffee. Barb

[marybethorama]

Grrrrr

You are not a bad parent. I think you've made a well-though decision that is right for you.

[Arduinna]

I might have reminded her that " I don't remember asking your opinion".

[elspethshimon]

I am sorry that you had to deal with that and I applaud your efforts to raise your daughters to be sexually responsible and healthy!

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by elspethshimon

I am sorry that you had to deal with that and I applaud your efforts to raise your daughters to be sexually responsible and healthy!

:

I hope if I ever have a daughter that she feels comfortable enough to be open with me about her sex life.

[Halfasianmomma]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

I might have reminded her that " I don't remember asking your opinion".

: I heartily agree. You could politely tell you nosy neighbor to mind her own beeswax.

You're doing an awesome job, and I think your daughters will thank you for it later on.

You remind me of what my mother did with me when I was a teen. When I was 16 and still a virgin, I asked her to put me on the pill because I had started seeing a boy for the first time. My parents had created such a comfortable atmosphere about sex that I felt ok telling them I *might* be interested in having it at some point. My mom brought me to a clinic and the next day, my father bought me a large box of condoms. It was a team effort. When I was 17, she found me doing the heavy-makeout with a boyfriend while parked in a car in front of the house. She politely knocked on the window, got us both to come in the house (my then-boyfriend was in total shock ), and told us she'd feel better about things if we kept our intimacy inside the house, and not displayed on the street for all the neighbors to see. It was honestly the best move she could have made. She acknowledged my sexuality and gave me a safe place to practice it.

Once again, I applaud your efforts

[Ravin]

Maybe you need a bit of inspiration from the Notebooks of Lazarus Long (written by Robert A. Heinlein):

" 'Go to hell!' or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy question rates."

"The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts 'Of course it is none of my business but--' is to place a period after the word 'but.' Don't use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cuttinog his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about."

and my absolute favorite:

"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite."

[Imogen]

Yep, she needs to be told to mind her own business.

One thing I would watch for though. The legal age of consensual sex is 16 in the UK. I know that it varies State to State in the U.S. yes??

Do you think she might be venomous enough to report the fact that your daughters are sexually active?

No judgement from me of course, I lost my virginity at the age of 15 too. And haven't found it since


Peace

[SquibsNCrackers]

UAV UAV UAV neighbor!

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

I might have reminded her that " I don't remember asking your opinion".

:

I am judgmental on occasion, but I gotta say, your neighbor, in my judgmental opinion, is an @$$. What nerve.

[smeisnotapirate]

Ditto. Tell your neighbour (politely) to shove it. I wish I'd had a mom like you. My boyfriend and I snuck around and made REALLY stupid decisions as kids because our parents were psycho about it. You're doing the right thing.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

I might have reminded her that " I don't remember asking your opinion".

Indeed! I'd have walked back into my house as soon as she started her rant.

"Okay, have a nice day then. *shut door* "

[MillingNome]

Uhh yeah, something along the lines of letting em know you weren't asking nor care about their opinion. Or to have a little fun with it if they have kids, ask them if their kids would like to come to you for condoms or the like. Betcha they would be offended... yk, because you overstepped just like he did in his little rant over your parenting

[choli]

Yeah, I get this a lot too - "OMG you let your kids trave by public transport by themselves, choose their own actvities, don't hover over them (nearly 11 and nearly 14) at every given moment?!! You are a bad negelcttful parent!!" No, I am a parent who credits her kids with some wit. They are not idiots, and nobody knows better than I do exactly how capable and mature they are. If someone else has a problem, that's THEIR problem, and I will not mold my family to suit their imagined pattern of what things should be.

[tammyswanson]

Hey, your daughters were probably going to have sex anyway, at least you aren't pretending they aren't! It's good that they know their options about BC, ya know? Plus I bet your daughters don't feel like they have to 'hide' anything from you, which is what most parents wish their kids would be like!

My mom did a great job at raising us, but there were many things I could NOT tell her because I knew she would freak out totally if she found out.

[cjanelles]

Originally Posted by choli

They are not idiots, and nobody knows better than I do exactly how capable and mature they are. If someone else has a problem, that's THEIR problem, and I will not mold my family to suit their imagined pattern of what things should be.

Amen!

I got a bit of this today at Old Navy. I was trying to return some stuff and juggling the baby and the merchandise, I realized I'd left something in the car that I wanted to return.

I sent my 11 yr old daughter to run out and get it. She is very small for her age, so she doesn't look 11...and I figured that's why I got so many dirty looks for sending my "little girl" out into the parking lot alone.

[laoxinat]

Had tpo post here! I am so on board with ya!! I just could never understand the brouhaha about sex even as a teen. But of course, since my parents were freaked out I hid it and made stupid choices too...My dd has been active since 14, spottily, but for the time being has pretty much decided boys are a major distraction from her other interests. For now. I am completely down with overnights.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by Imogen

Yep, she needs to be told to mind her own business.

One thing I would watch for though. The legal age of consensual sex is 16 in the UK. I know that it varies State to State in the U.S. yes??

Do you think she might be venomous enough to report the fact that your daughters are sexually active?

No judgement from me of course, I lost my virginity at the age of 15 too. And haven't found it since


Peace

Well she can't possibly have any proof that the dd is sexually active or not. I spent the night as a teen at male friends houses that I had no desire or intention of having sex with. Spending the night doesn't necessarily = sex.

[Picturesque]

I'm just curious...How do those of you who are permissive and accepting of your teens' sexual activity deal with the parents of your teens' partners? This is a long way off for us (DS is 11 mos) but I just want to know how you handle this angle of the situation.

[ArielMomma]

Originally Posted by CashewMommy

IHow do those of you who are permissive and accepting of your teens' sexual activity deal with the parents of your teens' partners?

I don’t think permissive is the right terminology. I would use the term sex positive parenting. I may be wrong, but when I think of permissive parenting, I typically think about parents who don’t really care. Sex positive parenting is different. We raise our children to believe that sex is natural and healthy if had under the right conditions.

I have never told my daughter to wait until marriage, but I have encouraged her to wait until she is in a loving and committed relationship. On the emotional side, I have explained that sex under the right circumstances can be an important addition to a relationship. I have also explained that under the wrong circumstances it can destroy relationships and leave people feeling used. We have discussed birth control and condoms several times. I explained that teens should use both because there is so much risk involved. We have conversed about pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections at length.

OH! Your question!!! Me and my ranting... How will I handle my teen’s partner’s parents? We have only talked a few times and the topic of sex never came up.