anyone having PPD?

[GooeyRN]

I had pretty bad ppd with my dd. I just delivered ds on the 3rd of dec, and I have the baby blues really bad. My delivery was wonderful, my hospital stay was so so, my husband is wonderfully supportive, my mom stayed helped for a few days, bfing is going mostly well (just some major oversupply and plugged ducts going on) everything is great in my life. I am crying all the time. I feel so awful emotionally, but I am fine physically. I feel like a rotten mother b/c I can't take care of both of my kids the way I used to take care of just dd. The baby does not allow me to put him down at all, not even when he is sleeping. So he is constantly attached to me. DD (25 months) is high needs, and sat on my lap for most of the day. Now she is yelling at me to put the baby down. I can't put him down, he cries, but if I don't, then she cries. I can't take care of my house the way I did, I haven't cooked a single meal yet (thank you dh for helping so much!) DH is doing the laundry right now while I pump to try and open up my breast. sigh. My life is a dream life. It is THAT perfect, people would kill to have the loving dh that I have. But I am still so sad. DH goes back to work after the weekend and I am terrified of how I am going to take care of two young children. Is anyone else noticing a problem with ppd?

[chrysalis]

i'm so sorry you are feeling this way...i too have had my emotional moments w/ getting very upset w/ my mom re. my kids and so forth, to crying over my ex, tom, missing the nice things i loved about him, to looking at a picture of my old dog i had to put down 3 years ago...i wouldn't say i have PPD and to be honest, i'm not sure i'd call your feelings PPD...at least not yet. i think its all normal, trying to adjust stuff. its not easy!!! i'm often so sad for megh as i do not have the energy to play w/ her and be w/ her like i used to be able to...sheamas doesn't like me to put him down either...as soon as he feels my hands are off of him he gets very upset w/ me. i don't blame him. megh has a croupy cough and i feel like a truck ran over me sometimes. vicodin is running low, is the 2nd pain medicine the OB has Rx'd for me. i feel like i have a flu minus the fever. i ache and feel cruddy all over...its weird. i guess its normal...hormones or something...anyway, hang in there gooey. i'd been wondering where you were...been thinking of you a lot. congrats on baby. know you are not alone. great now megh is bonking the boppy sheamas is sleepin on in my lap. grrr. i think there is something between normal baby blues right after birth and PPD. i suffer from depression/mood 'stuff' normally so i'm always going up and down emotionally...i could be wrong, maybe you do have PPD........have you talked to your dr? mw? counselor? someone? huge hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we can do this. we were made to be mamas to our kiddos.

[maisiedotes]

I have a nearly lifelong history of clinical depression anyways, so
i am not sure if this is PPD or regular ol' depression. I burst into tears for no reason at all... then I look at DD and think "I don't even deserve her". I am having lots of issues with breastfeeding and I feel like a total failure. I met with a lactation consultant for the third time the other day and the minute I saw the hospital room (where they do lac. stuff) I burst into tears. Maybe this is all regular hormonal stuff... I don't know. But I sure do feel like crap. I love my daughter and would do anything for her and that is what makes the breastfeeding thing so hard- I feel like I am failing her.

[Mama2 '05'06]

I'm right there with you. I did finally call the dr and got citalopram b/c I felt so crazy. It has helped in the week that I've been taking it and I can tell when I don't take it b/c I feel overwhelmed at every little thing and cry about everything. I'm still struggling with taking care of my 2 1/2yr old dd, 16m old ds and the new baby and he's a month old now. True, he spent the first 2 weeks in the hospital and required special care when he came home but now he's out of the preemie stage and into the stage of a normal newborn. I feel like I don't have enough time, energy and patience for all three of them. Dd and Ds are both in transitional stages so that adds to the fuss. Really tho, if you wonder about PPD, check out the PPD forum for the online tests and see what you come up with. Hugs!!

[chrysalis]

what is that med for? is it for depression??? never heard of that one. i take lexapro.

i was just talking about PPD w/ my MW today and she said the serotonin levels get affected when we don't get to enter the REM part of the sleep cycle...if it is interrupted (which i'm sure all of ours are from waking babies...) then we start from square one and have to go all the way back to REM (only to be awoken again...) and it effects our serotonin levels thus creating grumpiness, exhaustion, depression, etc. the med i take helps but not if i don't get the right amount of sleep incl the REM cycle i'm sure. us poor mamas...

[mom0810]

Yep. I have it. I had it with ds1., too. This time, I FELT it coming on about day 3 after I had him. I was ready with the zoloft and upped my dose to 50 mg right away, which helped. I had the same things, crying, anxiety, feeling like I did not deserve my family, my husband, my kids... feeling unworthy of life, basically. The med worked pretty quickly and I am doing much better this time. Last time, I did not know what it was until my ds was almost a year old.

Hope all of you moms are doing well.

[lisarussell]

I delivered on the 2nd and I, too, have a history of PPD. Suicidal, catatonic, not showering or speaking for days on end, BADDD PPD.

It doesn't usually kick in for me until a few months after baby is born when I realize I am on my own, not Superwoman, and feel pressured to "get with it." somehow.

I encapsulated my placent a this time, to ward it off. Another method of ingesting that I recently (too late for me) learned of was dicing it into teeny pieces, freezing them and swallowing them like pills. If i had heard of that, I might have done that instead because the encapsulation process I used was lengthy and I had to buy capsules, a capsule-filler, I had do dehydrate and steam it with herbs that supposedly "enhanced" the hormonal benefits.

I wish you luck. If this placenta thing doesn't work out I plan to RACE into some doctor for medication because I never ever ever want to feel like that again.

I was a little down the other day because of lack of sleep. I hope your baby lets you sleep, it does help a lot.

We have a serious life-issue right now, our world is kind of ending, and I think it must be working since I haven't absolutely crumbled already. We're losing our family business. I wonder if I am dangerously numb about it?

[GooeyRN]

Thank you for all being so honest. I wish I could pull it together. My dh is so great, he is really here for me during this. Now I am having some bfing issues. Baby is EBF'd, and didn't poop in 2 days. I can't stop crying about it. I don't know what to do. He is wearing me out. He won't sleep unless attached to me. My poor two year old won't even come to me when I ask her for a hug now. She used to be a cling on kid, now she is acting like I am not even here. She is going to dh for comfort for boo-boo's and stuff.

[GinaRae]

Some breastfed babies can go a week I hear!

Hang in there, mama. She'll come back again.

[maisiedotes]

Just wanted to bump this up and state that I am a disaster. I realized this morning that I am like frigging sasquatch. I had not shaved my legs since before the baby was born- almost a month ago. My routine is as follows: jump in the shower for 3 minutes while the baby is either contentedly looking around from her bouncy seat or asleep. Then I hop in the shower, do my thing, hop back out, and pick her up again. No leg shaving. No moisturizing. No hair drying. Poor DH must be ready to leave me. I also have cabin fever. Due to a flat tire that we can't afford to have fixed, we are down to one car and if it keeps snowing I don't see me driving DH to work so I can have the car. In fact, I don't even go out when DH is home to hang out with baby- I don't like to leave her. I feel totally drained. DH is useless, frankly. He needs my help for everything involving the baby. "do you have a bottle for her? do you mind changing her? can you help me for a sec?" I appreciate the fact that he is working but he is completely incapable of doing ANYTHING. The only thing I do in terms of getting out is to go to the lactation consultant or the pediatrician.

And I can't stop crying. I love the baby and I try to hold and cuddle her whenever I can- I put her in her swing a while ago and felt like I was ignoring her. I just don't know what to do. I am a useless couch potato right now. I can't even bother to make lunch or wash dishes when she is sleeping. I come online when things are quiet here or watch TV. I have to break out of this rut!

[De-lovely]

[GinaRae]

Kerri,
Have you had your iron level checked lately? I was hitting this major brick wall, SO sure it was PPD and it very well COULD be, but it could also be because I am so anemic. I am exhausted and grouchy and sad sometimes and anemia can lead to PPD I just read.

Also, my hubby is wonderful, but he doesn't know when to step in and help, so I taught him how to do what I needed and now just ask HIM, "Can you come here a sec?" "Change his diaper, please." "Can you burp him?"

And to be quite honest, I had to STOP reading sad things, stop belly-aching over what's wrong and give myself a swift kick in the arse. THAT'S why I think it's anemia and maybe not true PPD yet -- because I am still so aware and in the driver's seat.

Good luck!

And PS: What isn't shaved can only make you warmer for winter!

[maisiedotes]

Originally Posted by GinaRae

Kerri,
Have you had your iron level checked lately? I was hitting this major brick wall, SO sure it was PPD and it very well COULD be, but it could also be because I am so anemic. I am exhausted and grouchy and sad sometimes and anemia can lead to PPD I just read.

Interesting... I was anemic during pregnancy- maybe I will start taking iron again. I have a family history of PPD and a personal history of depression but if it may be something as simple as anemia I would be psyched. I am definitely grouchy (just ask DH) and definitely exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open after 7:00.

Thanks GinaRae!

[GinaRae]

I have a history too, but I do think the iron could cause or encourage PPD. Go on Chlorophyll liquid or pills with liquid inside AND an iron supplement. Take Vitamin C with it to help absorb and NO dairy around the time you take it.