questions going forward...2 negative past experiences bfing...

[keeganjacksmom]

Hi ladies!!

Ok long backstory....

I considered myself VERY well educated before my son was born....took classes, read books, asked questions, everything. But NOBODY TOLD ME that large areolas could cause problems with little babies draining the breast. My LC was not helpful, sadly, and even being so informed, I thought that my sleepy baby was sleepy because he was full, not because he was STARVING. He was a 37 weeker, tiny mouth, sleepy, bad jaundice.....it took me MONTHS to get my supply up and I had to supplement with an SNS for awhile...painful painful experience. Even with pumping, supplements, domperidone, my supply always suffered and finally dried up by 10 months.

SO, my second child....the LC in the hospital noticed my large breasts/areolas (they are hard to miss ) and taught me the assymetric latch and told me to use the football hold. Miracle. I had more milk than I could have ever wanted. Sadly, at 2 months my daughter developed NEC and needed to be tube fed, then would never latch on again despite my best efforts....but I exclusively pumped for her with great supply for quite awhile.

OK, so here are my questions (phew if you made it through that!) as I'm currently pregnant and want to have a POSITIVE experience this time around! Honestly the thought of nursing again makes me want to cry because it has been so negative both times....I am trying to prepare myself as best as possible.

1. If I nurse with the football hold, do I need to worry about changing positions halfway so that all of the milk sinuses get drained on all sides? Or will they all get sufficiently drained with just the football hold? While my last LC was great, that was one bit of advice that always puzzled me...

2. One breast or two??? I am always neurotic about this....my daughter always had green foamy poo....even after cutting dairy out....and I figured out that it was due to oversupply/too much foremilk. But when my first breast was empty, she WANTED the second breast no matter what. Should I just stick to one side per feeding regardless???

3. Probiotics: because of the issues my daughter had, I researched natural remedies for intestinal distress and became a big believer in probiotics...both of my kids take them now. How do you give them to a bf baby? Mix the powder with water and give with a syringe? Cup? Bottle?

4. Most importantly.....how can I shake this negative feeling? I have days where I wake up and feel like I'm just going to pump and feed....the thought of putting a baby to my breast again gives me a panic feeling. It's horrible, I know, but how do I get past it?

I think that's it......thank you if you made it through this

[kathteach]

Hi Emily,

You have been through so much and DONE so much for your children. I think you are such a wonderful, giving mother. When I read about all the things you did and tried I'm thinking "this woman is a champ!" and in my eyes that's such a positive.

I don't know the answers to your technical questions, I think a lot of the ladies here might though.

About getting past the emotional stuff, well all you can do is try. There are tools like affirmations, visualization, supplements, counseling....do you think any of these things could provide relief or support for you? Can you post back here and detail more about the bad feelings so we can help you specifically? For example, I pumped for my first son for eleven months, same breasts as you. Fun huh. I think my negative feelings were all about myself being inadequate. It wasn't that I was heartbroken about losing the bf bond or the health benefits, although missing those did hurt a lot. It was a pride thing. I couldn't stand that I had failed. What exactly is your fear and your negativity about? I would love to talk with you about it in more detail, it will help to get it out.

I wish I had some amazing advice for you that would reassure you but I don't. But you will find emotional support frome me and the MDC moms so use it. We are here for you. Please post back.

[keeganjacksmom]

Thanks for your reply and for saying such nice things

I have so many feelings.....yes, inadequacy is one big one. I always felt like I wanted to explain to strangers "It's BREASTMILK!" whenever I fed a bottle in public. I was more afraid to bottle feed breastmilk than I would have been to NIP. And yes, every nursing session left me with this feeling of, "how much milk came out? was it enough? should I rent a baby scale? is my baby gaining enough" And I don't know if I will EVER just be able to trust my body. And I feel like i am surrounded by people who don't even have to THINK about it....they just nurse and the baby is fine and there is nothing wrong EVER. I can't even imagine that!

Also....with my daughter I tried every time I fed her to get her to latch back on.....8 - 12 times a day.....the rejection I felt was unbelievable. Trying to get her to latch again was SO much worse than trying to get a newborn to latch from the beginning!! We had such a great nursing relationship up to that point, I resented the fact that it had turned sour...even though it was a total fluke thing, and nobody's fault.....I started getting very negative feelings toward my daughter and that is when I stopped trying to get her to latch and just pumped exclusively.

On top of that, I had every problem under the sun.....mastitis, thrush...I just never caught a break. EVER. I honestly feel like my body is meant to birth children and not meant to feed them...that is how bad I feel about it.


Again thank you for the reply

[studentmama]

Oh mama, you have had it rough!! What a strong mama you are!!! I think that you are going to have a positive experience this time. Really! You have been through so much and yet you are still deicated. You know where to look for great resources, you are already planning ahead. I think you are going to do great.

Originally Posted by keeganjacksmom

1. If I nurse with the football hold, do I need to worry about changing positions halfway so that all of the milk sinuses get drained on all sides? Or will they all get sufficiently drained with just the football hold? While my last LC was great, that was one bit of advice that always puzzled me...

I didn't change positions at all. For the first couple of months with my first(I had a c/s) I could only used the football hold and I never had any issues.

Originally Posted by keeganjacksmom

2. One breast or two??? I am always neurotic about this....my daughter always had green foamy poo....even after cutting dairy out....and I figured out that it was due to oversupply/too much foremilk. But when my first breast was empty, she WANTED the second breast no matter what. Should I just stick to one side per feeding regardless???

Well, what it sounds like is that she got used to the fast flow with the oversupply(I dealt with this with my second for over a year). I slowly trained him to just nurse on one breast becuase he had to get used to the slower flow. Eventually we got to the point where he would nurse on one side for several feeds and then I would change sides then. I would say that for your first, I wouldn't worry about having oversupply, but just watch it and if you start to feel like you have got oversupply you can go back to nursing on one side.

Originally Posted by keeganjacksmom

3. Probiotics: because of the issues my daughter had, I researched natural remedies for intestinal distress and became a big believer in probiotics...both of my kids take them now. How do you give them to a bf baby? Mix the powder with water and give with a syringe? Cup? Bottle?

I never gave probiotics to my babies, just myself. I love probiotics, but I didn't worry about giving it to the kids until they could drink on there own. A good place to ask about giving i to babies is in the health and healing forum.

Originally Posted by keeganjacksmom

4. Most importantly.....how can I shake this negative feeling? I have days where I wake up and feel like I'm just going to pump and feed....the thought of putting a baby to my breast again gives me a panic feeling. It's horrible, I know, but how do I get past it?

I think that's it......thank you if you made it through this

You are going to be FINE! I can see how dedicated you are looking into it now, especially after two bad experiences. How can you shake the feeling? Try not to dwell. It is such a waste of life's energy because all it is full of are the what-if's. I am a big dweller(well I will if I don't keep it in check) and everytime I find myself doing that I try to either turn it around into something positive or just distract myself.

Have you read the tips for a successful start on breastfeeding from kellymom? If not here they are:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/pre...eparation.html

And rereading your post again, I see that you really did successfully deal with what went wrong the first time when you had you second. I am sorry for being ignorant, but I don't know what NEC is, but it sounds like something out of your control and you really dealt with it the best you could.

Have you ever attended a LLL meeting?