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Hello, My Name is Lisa - Page 4

post #61 of 89
I couldn't read and not
post #62 of 89
Thread Starter 
Well, ended up and going over to a friend's house to do... nothing. his house was a disaster. but it wasn't MINE, lol. so i don't care. played some games, talked, just hung out. much better.
post #63 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter View Post
Well, ended up and going over to a friend's house to do... nothing. his house was a disaster. but it wasn't MINE, lol. so i don't care. played some games, talked, just hung out. much better.
Good! You need some time to just be you, on your own, without someone to take care of.

I could feel your pain and how overwhelmed you are in your posts. I'm sorry you are going through this.

post #64 of 89
Lisa-

I am so sorry for all you are going thru. In many ways you have touched me, I am sure without even knowing it. I wish you peace and strength. If there is anything this stranger can do don't hesitate to ask.
post #65 of 89
Thread Starter 
Today I was really really really moody. I hated everything. My psychiatrist irritated me by just being... tooo... blase? about everything. I was peeved. I left the office, called DH and asked him to take our DD to her Brownie troop meeting. I ended up hanging out with my friends again (crying on one of their shoulders) because I just. couldn't. deal. I feel so angry that I'm not being who I used to be... but I don't know who I am supposed to be now. What am I? Who am I? WHERE do I fit in? I've returned to my moody goth self (before kids). Which is all fine and dandy, but still...
post #66 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter View Post
Today I was really really really moody. I hated everything. My psychiatrist irritated me by just being... tooo... blase? about everything. I was peeved.
I'm glad you have friends you can unload on, Lisa. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you lately, and hoping things are getting better.
post #67 of 89
Thread Starter 
I'm tired of this. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down and sobbing. what the hell is this? I don't get it. I'm okay and then I'm not. I want to be free of this place, this hell, this nightmare of an internal life. Because I just can't do this. I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.
post #68 of 89
post #69 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter View Post
I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.

I know that feeling. It's like being in a ful stadium and still feeling lonely. You are fortunate in that you have people to reach out to. You have mental illnesses. Just as someone who has the flu is sick and in need of healing, so are you. No words of wisdom- just know what mean.

post #70 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter View Post
I'm tired of this. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down and sobbing. what the hell is this? I don't get it. I'm okay and then I'm not. I want to be free of this place, this hell, this nightmare of an internal life. Because I just can't do this. I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.
Are you on medication? Do they need to be adjusted or changed?

I can only tell you my experience with depression. Once I had the right medication, it was like night and day. Before meds things were bad. On the wrong meds things were worse. On the right meds, I rediscovered myself--shattered, but me. And then the work of putting my life back together really began, but I was able to handle it one baby step at a time.

Wishing you peace, and freedom from this nightmare.
post #71 of 89
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have PPD and PP OCD and know some of what you are experiencing. Please know that you will get through this. You can PM me anytime if you ever need to talk.
post #72 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter View Post
I'm tired of this. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down and sobbing. what the hell is this? I don't get it. I'm okay and then I'm not. I want to be free of this place, this hell, this nightmare of an internal life. Because I just can't do this. I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.


PM'd you.
post #73 of 89
I'm so sorry. Depression is so hard. My mom, my DH, my sister all have it. Two close friends, too. One of them tried to kill himself in grad school but called someone before it was too late. All of them survived and are now doing well. It will get better.
post #74 of 89
post #75 of 89
You will feel better. This is a journey you're on. You will find yourself again. When you do, it will be sweet delight. I too have BTDT with depression and it sucks. Take care of yourself. This will pass.
post #76 of 89
How are you?
post #77 of 89
I am so sorry you are hurting. I wish you much peace through this difficult transition and hope that you come through it learning and gaining much.
Peace to you my friend.
post #78 of 89
Lisa,

It's been a long time, friend, but I am so very sorry to hear of your struggles. I'm practically around the corner! Please know you have support and love. It's so hard when you desperately need a break and alas, there are no breaks to be had in motherhood. How you feel right now is NOT how you will always feel. I have lived through the dark days of depression. Take care.
post #79 of 89
Hi Lisa, I didn't read through all 4 pages, but I CAN relate to what you are going through. I also have severe depression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, blah blah blah, lol. I have ups and downs, never know what each day will hold. Please, please feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk to that understands what you are going through.
post #80 of 89
Thinking of you.
How were your holidays?
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