I saw a child get popped in the mouth today

[attachedmamaof3]

It was weird. Some background info: A friend has a daughter about the same age as mine. They had their one year birthday party today. My DP and I were on the couch in their living room, there were probably about 30 people there (including kids) that we didn't know. We knew maybe 5 people, all in another room.

DD and DS#2 were playing and another couple sat down on a couch next to ours. They had two daughters, one looked about 4ish? and one looked maybe 15 months. The one that was 15 months got on the floor and was playing with Lily, trading toys, looking at each other. There were conversations going on, introductions being made, lots of activity and kids running around having fun. Lily was pulling toys out of a box and dropping them on the ground. The little girl picked up a toy and started to put it in her mouth. Her mom leaned over and popped her on the mouth with her hand. It actually made a "pop". The daughter looked confused and made a face like she was gonna throw a fit. I kind of looked askew and thought "oh, I wonder if I missed something because surely that didn't...." and while I was still confused, the kid tried to put it in her mouth again. Her dad goes NO MOUTH and pops her on the mouth again. I was TOTALLY floored. I had never seen anything like that, had never met these people and my DD was literally a foot away watching the whole thing. I just grabbed her and told DP I was going to change her.

Later on, I asked DP if he saw anything. He said no and I told him what happened and he laughed and goes, "well, they're in the kitchen now freaking out about wanting the kids to sit down while they eat their snack."

I feel SO BAD because I didn't say anything, but I was really shocked. Then I thought about it and wondered...is this a new thing people are teaching others to do to their kids? Is this normal??

[SublimeBirthGirl]

While spanking is not considered abuse in most states as far as I know, I'm pretty sure it's generally illegal to hit a kid in the face. Was she hurt?

[smeisnotapirate]

Yuchhhh.

I've seen it done, but I agree with the PP, I think it's illegal. If it gets to the point where you'd like to report it, I believe you could and not get laughed at. Especially with a child that young.

[turnipmama]

That is insane! It is never appropriate to hit a child but she is only 15 months, what do they expect her to do? Sit still and quiet and not do anything? I find it scary when parents expect that of their children at all times, it is totally unreasonable. Poor baby... I would have grabbed my DD out of the room too...scary.

[Wolfcat]

Wow!

To expect a fifteen month old to not put things in her mouth... : Crazy AND unrealistic... and mean...

[attachedmamaof3]

She didn't seem to be hurt as in bleeding or anything. After she the second time she tried to mouth the toy and got popped by dad she was definately upset, but again, didn't cry. I think that bothered me more because in my opinion, she knew crying wouldn't do anything. I heard the "pop" so I know intellectually that it probably hurt her, but she didn't respond other than facial expression. Didn't reach for a hug, look at her parents, nothing. She just looked at her toy with confusion/resignation.

The more I think about it the sadder it makes me. I just wish I would have said something....all I could think about was DD seeing that (granted don't think she understood it at 11 months old..hopefully) and getting her out of there!

[Mizelenius]

Two things . . .
(1) Don't they know that a 15 mo is LEARNING by putting things in her mouth????
(2) If this is what they do in public (w/o worrying what people think), what do they do in private?

Scary and sad. How disrespectful of this little girl.

[LauraN]

Originally Posted by attachedmamaof3

is this a new thing people are teaching others to do to their kids? Is this normal??

Sadly, it's been around forever. I think a pop in the mouth is similar to slapping a child's hand when they grab something they're not supposed to.

That said, the people I know who do it only tap their child's mouth when he puts something in it, and then at least take the thing away as well so they don't have to hit him again. (I know, there's no such thing as "only tap"--it's all hitting in my book. But I'm just trying to distinguish between what they do and the OP's people who actually made a popping sound--probably harder than what I've witnessed--and then let the baby keep the toy, so she would obviously try again and get hit again! Very, very sad.)

I guess people think they need to train babies not to put things in their mouths. Which is insane, because they're going to do it anyway.

[attachedmamaof3]

You know what the crazy thing is? My first thought was "OMG I wonder if that's a new Babywise technique?":

[chfriend]

Not so crazy...I googled around a bit to see if I could find this advice being given. Didn't find it, but given the nonsense I've read, I wouldn't doubt someone is!

[Glaciers&Fossils]

That makes me ill. If it's not illegal, it should be. 15 months? Sheesh.

[peacelovingmama]

It is always so heartbreaking to see a child violated with violence for engaging in age-appropriate behavior (or for any "reason," for that matter -- violence against children is NEVER acceptable).

[Bellejar]

Originally Posted by attachedmamaof3

You know what the crazy thing is? My first thought was "OMG I wonder if that's a new Babywise technique?":

That is exactly what I was wondering!

[Lolafanana]

I see it ALL THE TIME where I teach in an inner city. It makes my heart break every time

You mentioned you wish that you would have said something. I honestly don't think anything would have come of it except you getting more upset- I think getting your dc out of there quickly was the best thing you could have done.

It's such an awful thing to witness

[riversong]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

(1) Don't they know that a 15 mo is LEARNING by putting things in her mouth????

That's exactly what I thought. I can't imagine hitting a child for exploring her world in the way that all babies do.

It's even worse that her behavior after being hit indicates that her parents won't comfort her.

[cuddleluvinma]

that makes me so sad to read that. Sad and Mad.

Although I am disgusted with this. I don't feel that this a new thing. I think parents have been doing this forever. I remember seeing it when I was a kid.

What I don't understand is that the parents hit their kid when they do something they don't like. and then when that child later hits someone because s/he doesn't like what someone else is doing they get mad, hit the kid and say "we don't hit". It just doesn't make any sense to me.

I agree with what pps said earlier. It sounds like they're not educated in what is age appropriate.

Poor kid

[AidynElyMama]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

Two things . . .
(1) Don't they know that a 15 mo is LEARNING by putting things in her mouth????
(2) If this is what they do in public (w/o worrying what people think), what do they do in private?

Scary and sad. How disrespectful of this little girl.

Agree .

[dawn1221]

I understand why is was horrifying to see but you didn't do anything about it.

I once did something about it (not attacking the mother but reporting her to the director of the daycare and eventually the CPS). It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I think it was so bad because the people I reported it to (director of the school and pastor of the church - methodist) thought there was nothing wrong with a mother wailing on her less than 18 month old child (who was already spending two days a week in EI for not talking yet). I believe the mother was breaking the law here in California anyway because you can't hit a child under three years old here (I didn't know it at the time).

It would be hard for me to get involved again if I was in the same position. I never thought I would feel that way but I was really really hurt by the situation. I just can't take that kind of stress.