Queer TTC: Taking a Break - Page 2

[BurtsGirl]

I remember, Angela, (I was bummed about not stalking your chart anymore, ) but I really don't need to chart anymore now that I'm doing the medicalized version of this process. My timing is done with OPK's and a trigger shot. I've all but decided to put away my chart and thermometer for good. I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of girl so I think this might work better for me also. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. I really need to find a way to relax during this process and now that I feel a little more grounded I think maybe...I might be able to do this, be relaxed that is.

[KnittingTigers]

Good! I think that sounds like a great plan! I'm still grateful every morning to wake up and NOT have to take my temperature.

Rachel, I really hope that this break has been healing and energizing for you, and that the new year brings you a wonderful new life.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Looks like I'm here for a month...our donor is away until the day after I ovulate so January is out for us. Not a bad thing as this month has taken a bigger toll than the previous couple.

I must remember to meditate.

[BurtsGirl]

Just wanted to post to say our break is over so I guess I have to move back to the TTC thread. Thanks for the support I got in this thread, it was nice having a place of our own to go.

: the New Year brings good things to us all.

[kjm]

hey y'all

we got back from our wonderful 2 weeks in the Bay Area yesterday. It was absolutely amazing--only down point was I came in contact with poison oak and rubbed my eyes, nose and ate with my hands before I figured it out...
Yup my face has blown up like a yellow crusty balloon. It is between all my fingers--YUCK!!!! I went straight to the clinic when I got on steroids because my crunchy herbalist ways were not winning this battle!!

So needless to say I am over my urge to insem this month. I'm fine with waiting until all this madness is over.

In other not so good news, when I checked in with my co-worker yesterday I found out that our org didn't get any of the grants we had pending...eeeek...My boss is thinking about cutting paychecks out of our org's line of credit--that makes me really nervous. This will ll play a major role in how long of a break we are on. I know that I can pick up many more shifts waiting tables at a place I work once or twice a month, but that is not good work for ttc or for being preggers. It sucks but I have to remember that it was this kind supportive (and good benefit package) at my current full time job that first got me thinking about TTC. I knew that everyone in my office would fully support my process, pregnancy, and we'd work out creative schedules once the babe was born, so it kinda needs to be a consideration if all that is fading...

Maybe I'll be with y'all for a much much longer break.

[ktcl]

Welcome back from CA, keely. So sorry about the poison oak!!This forum has been quite quiet for the last little bit. I think we are losing some of our members, entering into TTC. I know that really is a good thing...

Me, on the other hand, my break seems to be extending as well. I had gotten all inspired to go off drugs (clomid, progesterone), and the very next cycle was a neat and tidy 31 days long (my normal is about 38-40, even with clomid). But now this cycle, I"m on day 30 with no signs of ovulation. ARGGHH! So while I though we'd be back in the insemination game within in the next couple of weeks, now I just don't know when it's going to be, AND I think this makes me feel like I need to stick with the drugs to have any kind of predictability.

Keep ya'posted!

[Sugerson]

A renewed reassurance

I just wanted to share with you all a reminder to enjoy being just a couple during these breaks. We went book shopping and found a wonderful local organic produce shop and were reminded (walking through the Oregon rain) that these are frivolities we could not afford to indulge in when we have our little one (finally). We were reminded to relish each moment together when we do not have to worry about another person and their needs. We know we will enjoy those moments, but I have loved her for almost nine years and few more months without a pregnancy can be a delight. I will remember to enjoy her and our lives until they do change!

Our best friends had their first last summer and I have been so jealous hearing all about the wonderful world of parenthood. I have been angry at myself for being so spiteful about it all...me the undying optimist was losing faith in our process to become parents. The timing mess up really through me for a loop and I was sure on New Year's Eve that we would not be parents.

Now I remember - we were happy with out kids and can be happy with them when it happens. I wish it was less work and did not consume our lives...but I will enjoy the break. Any suggestions for gearing back up to enter ttc'ing without letting it own me?

[ktcl]

I really wish I had an answer to "how to reenter TTC without having it own you". I'm in the same place, and it's already owning me. I'm starting to obsess about clomid and timing and this and that and this... I'll be curious to see.

Funny thing about what you said Sugerson about having time as a couple...we have our first, so I think for me it's about enjoying him as an only, and enjoying giving him the spotlight.

[Hulahoop]

Originally Posted by BurtsGirl

Thanks for the new thread ftmPapa, i didn't want to start another one. Thought I might be jinxing them.

I've had all the tests run along with the dye test this month. Everything looks normal except my progesterone was low but the next cycle with the fertility meds my levels were great! So now I know I'm normal it's just a matter of everything coming together.

BurtsGirl, I'm in the exact same position as you--all my tests were great and then i found out last week the my progesterone was low. Would you mind if I ask what your level was and what y ou did to raise it so quickly?

We're on a one-month break to deal with the progesterone. Midwife suggested a longer break, but honestly, i just can't bear to put it off that long. This is the first month I've been really, really upset and feeling desperate (We've done four months of IUI, last month was supposed to be a break cause of vacation, but everything lined up so perfectly, we did a last-minute ICI at home). I think it's because of hte progesterone news and a false positive I got last week (grrr). This is the first month I've started to become angry and kinda bitter and just depressed in general. and ther'es a level of desperation that is really bumming me out. i tell myself to not feel that way, cause it adds to the problem, but easier said than done! I'm really having to face my own ego in this process! I was soooo sure id' be one of the lucky ones who pregnant right away! And boy can i relate to the jealousy thing that Sugerson mentions. I'm so over seeing my friends with their kids, and I feel terrible about it.

Man, what a journey!!!

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by Hulahoop

BurtsGirl, I'm in the exact same position as you--all my tests were great and then i found out last week the my progesterone was low. Would you mind if I ask what your level was and what y ou did to raise it so quickly?

My progestrone was 4.9 when I first went in and that was at 10 DPO. We added Letrozole, a fertility drug, to the begining of my cycle and my very next cycle I was already up at 11.6 on 6 DPIUI. So basically what my RE told me was the fertility meds allowed me to have a "better" ovulation which resulted in more progestrone being produced. I did not take any progestrone supplements, the fertility med allowed the progestrone level to increase naturally because I had a good O. I doubted not having the supplement but it worked so I was happy. HTH and good luck.

[KnittingTigers]

Originally Posted by Hulahoop

I was soooo sure id' be one of the lucky ones who pregnant right away!

Just for some perspective, I WAS one of the lucky ones who got pregnant the first time. Then, after I miscarried, I tried five more times before getting knocked up again. So, even when first time's a charm, the road can still be rocky...

Take heart. It's a rough, rough, process, but you're going to get through it. And once that baby is here, you're not going to remember the agony of ttc.

[Hulahoop]

Angela, I really appreciate your comments. I know this has been said many times, but it soooo sucks to have to deal with realizing you're not pregnant at the same time you get PMS! not fair! Can you remind me....you got pregnant using frozen sperm, right? IUI or ICI?

thanks for hte info, burtsgirl. mine was 5.9 at 10DPO. good point about taking the Letrozole. I had only been thinking of progesterone supplements. this is a good option. did you also get the Hcg shot?

[KnittingTigers]

Originally Posted by Hulahoop

Angela, I really appreciate your comments. I know this has been said many times, but it soooo sucks to have to deal with realizing you're not pregnant at the same time you get PMS! not fair! Can you remind me....you got pregnant using frozen sperm, right? IUI or ICI?

Right? My mother, who has been supportive in every other way, would always manage to call on the worst, crampiest, most tearful day of my period and say, "So, are you pregnant yet??"

Yeah, I got pregnant using frozen sperm from Sperm Bank of California, and doing IUIs at home (with the help of a nurse friend). For me, sperm count made the difference- my final lucky try was about twice the count of my previous four attempts.

Good luck, and try to be good to yourself on your break. Now that I'm actually pregnant, I'm feeling utterly panicked about all of the ways in which I haven't "taken advantage" of my childless life!

[kjm]

Hey ya'll
glad to see this list chatting again...I've been feeling a lil lonely...

A few things happening on this front:
#1) Poison Oak is cleared up 95 % healed YEAHHHH!!
#2) Progesterone test got delayed until next cycle
a) I already have been diagnosed as low levels
b) we were gonna check to see if cream is enough
c) I didn't start cream until later--due to poison oak
#3) I scheduled my Dye Test--its for Jan 23rd
#4) My Boss has put out a boat load of Grant proposals and we have a heavy accounts receivable, so maybe my job has been saved--for the time being?
#5) OPKs have consistently gotten WAY darker on CD 18 both months of our break
a) always got dark CD 14/15 and got lighter CD 15/16 and so I stopped taking OPKS
b) taking them until CD22 proved that we had been stopping too soon??
#6)Mollie and I have decided to start back up next cycle?? Which will be Feb 1st??--is this ok with Dye test only 10 previous?? Will my baby be GREEN????


On the jealousy front--I have my Best Friend's Baby Shower this Sunday!! GULP--yeah she was the one that we ALWAYS talked about being pregnant together, and she "oooops" the second month Mol and I we were trying. But many things have become clear--here come more #s...very out of character for me--so organized??
#1) I am so glad we aren't doing this together
a) Our ideas about birth are pretty different--- she will birth in the hospital --I hope to at home
b) Our ideas about prep and arrangements are different--she is preparing the nursery, is registered at a large chain, is doing a traditional shower---I can't wait for a family bed, don't plan on buying many large items and I have never done anything traditionally!!
c) I feel like I over shadow her sometimes-- and this is truly HER time to Shine and HER time to figure out how SHE wants things
d) it has been good for me to learn how to keep my mouth shut and truly learn to support her in the diversity of HER choices--Birth is about having agency--even if we choose more traditional routes
BUT yeah jealousy is still burning me up

As for easing back in: ( no more numbers)
I am glad to know that my morning nausea exist always, my breast are always tender by CD 22, I can still "feel something" even in months wit no swimmers. So yeah I hope to ease back in knowing that until AF is late, I'm not really pregnant--It is just that I really really want to be.

[Hulahoop]

Don't feel lonely!

i'm glad that your poison oak is almost better. that's the last thing you need on top of this!

don't have any about dye tests. sorry!

i think it's great the way you're approachign your friend's shower. i secretly dread hearing the "good news" of my friends getting pregnant, and they even have been struggling too! i am bad.....but i know when it comes down to it, i'll be able to be there for them. just...ugh in the meantime.

good luck with your next cycle. i'll be right behind you, probably inseminating around 2/15.

[simcon]

Originally Posted by AngelaM

Just for some perspective, I WAS one of the lucky ones who got pregnant the first time. Then, after I miscarried, I tried five more times before getting knocked up again. So, even when first time's a charm, the road can still be rocky...

Take heart. It's a rough, rough, process, but you're going to get through it. And once that baby is here, you're not going to remember the agony of ttc.

And for some additional perspective, I was lucky and got pregnant on try #2 with Maddie, and then try #1 with another that didn't make it past 12 weeks, and now it's 19 months later (most of which we inseminated), still not pregnant again. I'm feeling like it's some karmic debt, but I think it's just a challenging process..

[Hulahoop]

It's hard not to fall into the karmic trap, wondering what you've done "wrong" to deserve not getting pregnant for awhile. sometimes it helps for someone to tell you that that's not true. so....That's Not True.

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by Hulahoop

thanks for hte info, burtsgirl. mine was 5.9 at 10DPO. good point about taking the Letrozole. I had only been thinking of progesterone supplements. this is a good option. did you also get the Hcg shot?

Your welcome and yes I'm also doing the HCG shot.

Originally Posted by kjm

Which will be Feb 1st??--is this ok with Dye test only 10 previous?? Will my baby be GREEN????

Keely, it really sounds like you're coming into a great place. So glad the oak is clearing up and the job is possibly become more secure. When I had my Dye test one doctor told me they didn't 'like' to insem in the same cycle. The other ask after the test was done if I was inseming that cycle. So I'm thinking it's ok to insem on a dye test cycle but it's not prefered. I'd definately look more into it.

I think we all have to remind ourselves that even in an ideal situation there is only a 10%- 20% chance of pregnancy every cycle and that's with unlimited fresh sperm. It takes the average straight couple 6+ months to get pregnant with these stats. I don't mean to sound so depressing but coming to this realization has really helped me out this cycle and I'm sure the cycles to come.

[BurtsGirl]

Keely, One more thing, have you thought about temping? It will tell you without a doubt (most of the time) when you ovulate.

[kjm]

Rachel--

Thanks for checking in even though you are making your way back into the game...Next Round!! Ding Ding Ding--Good Luck

I want to reiterate the 20% chance too--this stat has been helpful in explaining to others--especially the insensitive ones that say "why don't you and KD just have sex??!!!" I quell my rage by explaining that even perfectly timed sex between a healthy Het couple is only 20% and then I rail 'em!!!

As for temping...I know...I know...but I just can't go back to it. Mollie is terrified of the sleep deprivation that she will suffer as a new mom and has BEGGED me not to interrupt her slumber while she is still able to get it. She has said that she will support me (and she has) in all other methods of pin pointing my ovulation but she really can't deal with the 5:30 am alarm or the little noises from the thermometer. I feel I owe her this one, especially because KD is so generous, we practically have swimmers on tap :