Queer TTC: Taking a Break - Page 3

[MujerMamaMismo]

Hi folks...
Just popping my head in to say I'm here and lurking. I've been completely living it up in this break and hope I haven't abused my body too much. I think though, that what damage may have been done physically (which isn't much in the scheme of over indulgence) will be countered by the benefits to my mental health. I've had such a nice summer break.

My period is due in the next week (and I go back to work) and then it's back to clean living for me...just in time for us to get back on the baby making wagon.

We're going off down the coast for a few days today as a last hurrah to the summer break today. I'm very excited.

Good health and lots of love to you all.

[kjm]

yeah I had my fun in California...I have to admit that I'm having a really bad urge...confession time--
For the last 6 days I have been obsessively consumed with the idea of smoking *1* hyper ritualized cigarette---I have my whole plan in my head. I want to head downtown to an amazing cafe and order a double americano short, add 2 raw sugars and a whole bunch of half and half. I would then exit the cafe finding a nice comfy seat out in the unseasonably warm sun and I would smoke *1* perfectly hand-rolled unfiltered American Spirit organic (red pouch) cigarette as I sip my americano. Yup, every hour on the hour I resist this urge...I'm feeling weak.

Part of me says--"go and do it already girl. You aren't even bleeding yet...you have 3 weeks to detox---it would be ok!!"
But the very next second I think, "You loser--You haven't touch coffee or cigarettes for over A YEAR!! Don't go screwing it up!!"
--then I think "Yeah 1 year is along time I deserve a reward"
--then I think "A reward, PERFECT!! What if I allow myself *1* hyper ritualized cigarette and americano each time you bleed"
--And then I realize I'm already sliding down the slippery slope

[MujerMamaMismo]

Originally Posted by kjm

yeah I had my fun in California...I have to admit that I'm having a really bad urge...confession time--
For the last 6 days I have been obsessively consumed with the idea of smoking *1* hyper ritualized cigarette---I have my whole plan in my head. I want to head downtown to an amazing cafe and order a double americano short, add 2 raw sugars and a whole bunch of half and half. I would then exit the cafe finding a nice comfy seat out in the unseasonably warm sun and I would smoke *1* perfectly hand-rolled unfiltered American Spirit organic (red pouch) cigarette as I sip my americano. Yup, every hour on the hour I resist this urge...I'm feeling weak.

Part of me says--"go and do it already girl. You aren't even bleeding yet...you have 3 weeks to detox---it would be ok!!"
But the very next second I think, "You loser--You haven't touch coffee or cigarettes for over A YEAR!! Don't go screwing it up!!"
--then I think "Yeah 1 year is along time I deserve a reward"
--then I think "A reward, PERFECT!! What if I allow myself *1* hyper ritualized cigarette and americano each time you bleed"
--And then I realize I'm already sliding down the slippery slope

I hope you don't cave! It'll be revolting. You'll get a head spin and you'll choke. And you'll look so damn UNcool. DON'T DO IT.

(I didn't smoke a cigarette but I did smoke something else on NYE and even with peppermint tea, it was horrible!)

[pranava]

Be Strong KJM!!!!! Write about it all you want, but just don't do it. I'm an ex-smoker myself and I know just where you're at. What keeps me away from it are all the stories from friends who had "just one" cigarette and started back up again.

Drink your decaf americano, hold a pen in your fingers, and take deep relaxing belly breathes. This too shall pass :

[Sugerson]

Don't DO IT!!!

As an ex-smoker (a year ago now) - don't give into the temptation! Hang in there and busy yourself with something else. My partner is also still dealing with cravings...like crazy...I have to talk her down from the ledge each time. Find someone who can talk you down each time...

[BurtsGirl]

I agree, Keely, don't you pick up that smoke. (I haven't smoke a single one in 3 years.) I still also have cravings (as a matter of fact, recently on my break) and I remind myself how far I've come and that it's just not worth it. I too have seen someone pick up one cigarette and they couldn't stop. Treat/reward yourself in some other way.

[kjm]

Thanks y'all!! I'm feeling a bit stronger already.
The craving manifested itself into my dream last night, and even though I do allow myself to smoke freely in my dreams, I hated even the fantasy cigarette!! I'm beating this.
It also helped for me to put the craving (and some intense emotions I've been having) into a larger context--I'm just now taking the last of my prescription prednisone (steroids) for my poison oak--No wonder I've been walking around jacked up, irritated, and pissy! And smoking was always my coping mechanism back when I was an angry, grumpy, stressed out girl. No wonder I'm missing it now. Just realizing this has made the cravings diminish greatly. I have done so much work, emotionally and physically, to NOT be that hot-tempered chain smoking chick anymore. I have faith that once the steroids are out of my system the tension and cravings will vanish.
Here's to hoping!!

[Hulahoop]

It's funny how the ttc struggle can force you to confront bad habits that you wouldn't have been able to stop otherwise. In my case, it's' drinking. Not an alcoholic (can you say that without sounding like an alcoholic?), but definitely have always drunk a lot, and had a feeling it might be an issue when i started ttc'ing. Through the years, I've periodically quit for 2 or 3 months at a time, so I knew i could do it, but was hoping to be able to drink some until the final "no drinks at all" of pregnancy. But now that it's been 5 tries with no luck, i'm taking the advice of my RE, acupuncturist, masseuse and midwife (how dense and stubborn can i be???) and cutting it out completely. and i totally relate to kjm about realizing how i used it as a crutch when i was stressed or angry or depressed or whatever. so i'm looking at it, like, i'm getting my body ready for the baby, but i'm also getting my mind and spirit ready too.

trying to find something positive about it taking awhile!

[Sugerson]

Chocolate attack!

OMG, I have been having the worst cravings for chocolate lately!! How bad is it during the breaks? Also, I went for a annual check up and I gained 30lbs this year! I was appalled!! I know I will gain weight during pregnancy, but I did not realize how much I had gained trying...

Have a fabulous Tuesday everyone!!

[MujerMamaMismo]

Originally Posted by kjm

Thanks y'all!! I'm feeling a bit stronger already.
The craving manifested itself into my dream last night, and even though I do allow myself to smoke freely in my dreams, I hated even the fantasy cigarette!! I'm beating this.

I quit smoking 2 years (and 15 days) ago and I still have frequent dreams where I smoke a cigarette. It's often not until half way through the next day that I realise I didn't actually have a cigarette and I can stop feeling guilty! It's like my sub-conscious is keeping me in check!

I'm going to water aerobics tonight. It's geeky but fun and we have a little dyke posse down the shallow end! My period is due tomorrow and I've got some major repenting to do before insem'ing in 2 weeks!

[MujerMamaMismo]

Originally Posted by Sugerson

OMG, I have been having the worst cravings for chocolate lately!! How bad is it during the breaks? Also, I went for a annual check up and I gained 30lbs this year! I was appalled!! I know I will gain weight during pregnancy, but I did not realize how much I had gained trying...

Have a fabulous Tuesday everyone!!

Ice Cream has been drowning me in the last couple of months. I have to get a grip of myself!!!

[megincl]

I can totally relate to gaining weight TRYING to get pregnant. For me it's because every two weeks I decide I have to stop doing hard core exercise because it's the TWW. (at least, when I haven't been on a break). Now I'd really like to shed a few pounds, but DP is so against me thinking that way when we're about to TTC again. I figure I have at least a few more weeks to exercise like mad! Spinning is my favorite.

Oh! By the way, this is Katie on Megin's account.

[ktcl]

Ok this is me for real this time...not hanging out in Megin's account.

The craziest thing just happened... on day 45 of my current cycle, I just got a +OPK. I started getting lots of cm, so decided to test, and sure enough, there we go. Here I was, assuming it would be an anovulatory cycle, and I'd get my period soon. The good news is that since we were going to jump back in the game for the next cycle, now I have a better sense of timing.

[kjm]

dammn Katie that is a long cycle you got there huh?? Kudos to you for sticking with it, staying alert and observing your bodies signals, sounds like you've cracked the code. Good Work!!

[Sugerson]

Anovulatory cycle

I know this thread has been out for awhile, but I am in month 3 of my break and am now on cycle day 23 with no ovulation. Things have been really stressful, but I did not imagine a month without ovulating. I have been tracking a year now and this is the first time this has happened. Should I be worried? Is my cycle changing for the more frustrating?

What do I do?

[ktcl]

Hmmm... I often don't ovulate until day 23, but you are saying you have never had this happen before... I don't know that I would worry, but keep tracking. I wouldn't assume that you won't ovulate at all. When do you think you'll be done with your break? Is it soon enough that you are concerned about the lengths of the cycles? If you have time, I'd just relax and let it happen. If you're gearing up to rejoin the TTC club, you might want to think about supplements such as vitex, or red clover and nettle herbal tea.

That said, I am officially OFF taking a break, and hoping for some of that babydust real soon!

[Sugerson]

Babydust to you!!!

I am not totally sure when we will be re-entering, my DP just officially got her tenure track professor position and we are soaking it in...thanks for the response!

[FtMPapa]

Resurecting the "On A Break" Thread

I'm still lurking, still reading...sometimes.

I'm tired, done, over with being on a break.

I'm procrastinating about calling my old fertility clinic to see if they still have my one vial, and if so, what I should do with it.

I'm making plans to hang out with an old friend for a few days early this summer, and then a week later in the summer. He's my # 1 all time choice for known donor, but he backed out of our agreement a couple of years ago. Maybe it's worth revisiting again this summer.

Meantimes, everyone around me is pregnant and I'm frustrated and feel like I'm stagnating.

I've officially been "On a break" since August 16, when I found out I was not pregnant for the last time. I expected to be inseminating again this May or June, and to at least have a plan by now.

Instead, I don't even have a plan. I haven't made any progress on the known donor front, beyond making a shortlist of five men I know at this very moment and I would like to talk to about it.

Where is everyone else at?

(Sorry to be so rambly, I'm sick, I have a cold and I'm hyped up on Sudafed.)

[pranava]

Hey FtMPapa! I'm still on a break, although not nearly as long as yours. I feel for you. I can't wait to get started again. We stopped for awhile to ask a potential known donor, but that went nowhere. Luckily Midwest Sperm Bank is cheap. Just $200 a vial and $50 for shipping. We'll try frozen a couple more times, but are contemplating this site http://www.gayfamilyoptions.org/ to find fresh sperm. Even if we have to ship it with biotranz, it might be worth it.

I don't remember what your situation was when you started your break. Were you breaking for financial reasons, mental/emotional reasons? If you're tired of your break, I think it can't hurt to ask your 5 potential donors.

[FtMPapa]

Originally Posted by pranava

I don't remember what your situation was when you started your break. Were you breaking for financial reasons, mental/emotional reasons? If you're tired of your break, I think it can't hurt to ask your 5 potential donors.

I moved from Canada to the US in August, after I did three cycles of IUI at the fertility clinic using frozen, anonymous sperm from the only Canadian sperm bank.

It seemed like a natural time to take a break - more opportunities to meet known donors, I have to find a new clinic/doctor, I have to choose a new donor, etc.

But, I didn't expect the break to be this long. I'm in a new relationship, with two other trans guys, and I'm still figuring out what that means for me, and whether I'm switching gears from being a single parent by choice to parenting en famille, or if I'm going to be a not single, lone parent.

Also, the guys aren't ready for me to start trying right now, so I'm kind of waiting for them to catch up, and I'm waiting to see about my financial situation for the next couple of years - I will parent, regardless, but it will make a difference as to what I can do now and what I need to wait for more money to do.

In the meantime, I'll probably check out that bank's catalog. Thanks!