Sometimes it's hard to be that kid/teen

[UnschoolnMa]

The one who cares about stuff, or more deeply anyway, that their peers or friends are rather indifferent or very low energy about.

Recently Dd was in a messenger chat with two online friends. (Conference chat, or whatever it's called.) She's been talking to them for several months now on a regular basis, and they even mailed each other holiday cards.

The conversation went something like this:

Friend Boy: OMG I was at his (friend's IRL) house, and we walked in on his mom and her boyfriend in the shower together.

Friend Girl: What? Seriously!?

My Dd: Holy crap LOL

Friend Boy: Yep. The clothes were on the floor and there was laughing and noises.

My Dd: Oh man that's gross

Friend Boy: To make it even more nasty? The boyfriend is a mexican. A fat Mexican and his mom is skinny and white.

** Cue screeching needle on record - train coming off the tracks sound right about here**

Dd reads it, and reads it again. Sits for a second. Then she calls me over and asks me to read it. Obviously I was horrified, and gave her a look. She types...

My Dd: What difference does it make that he was Mexican? How is that relevant?

No response.

Friend Girl: He just says that stuff sometimes. He doesn't think.

My Dd: The comment was racist though.

Friend Boy: It wasn't racism. I just wanted you to know he was Mexican because he is.

My Dd: Yes, but you said "to make it more nasty". You connect being Mexican with being "nasty". Oh and fat wasn't needed either really.

Friend Boy then signed out. My Dd stayed logged in and chatted with Friend Girl who seemingly understood Dd's POV, but was also trying to dismiss the racism. Dd likes this girl a lot, but she wasn't having it. Friend Boy logs back in and says something about he isn't racist (it even says so on his Myspace that he "hates" racism and sexism), but that maybe he shouldn't have said that. Dd asked why he shouldn't have said it if it "wasn't racist"?

I didn't stick around for the whole convo, but Dd told me she made her point and was as satisfied as she was going to get with the whole thing. Which wasn't saying much. Sigh. I told her I deal with some of the same stuff re: racism (sexism too) in people you otherwise respect or admire. Ackk. Does this happen for your kids too?

[Petronella]

My dd's friends don't seem to care sometimes about things she really is passionate about. Thay just say, "Yeah, that sucks", than dismiss it. Apparently serious things like mistakes the government has made and child abuse isn't that important.

Your dd, by the way, is awesome. Free thinkers rock!

[my2suns]

Here too! DS will get on his little soapbox real quick when something is not "right". It can be how someone is being treated, something someone says, or the latest was someone saying that you couldn't stop the war. Watch out!!! I am so proud everytime I hear him state his opinion because I know it is hard for him to not feel like he is "with the crowd" sometimes!

[pigpokey]

I don't think Mexican is a race anyway.

[smillerhouse]

My daughter has also a number of times notiied and interupted racism. BTW, I am a mom of a wonderfu half Mexican young man. That remark, left me feeling yucky in my stomach. ido know that racism exists and I am so rateful I have passed on my open and free thinking ideas to my young people. I have to interupt similar remarkks at my sons boy scout troop They have espeiclaly run into this online ( I am enjoying the break of X-Box live being broken) Another issue, that comes up a lot is classism/materlist stuff. I have always emphasized acceptance and compassion for people with less. It seems "cool" in the popular culture to ignore sensitvity or feed into class envy. Sallie

[menudo]

DD is 10 and we have this issue. It is so sad I have had to tell her to carefully choose her battles for years now. Many kids are not enraged by homophobes (when she was 8yo we came face to face with the Phelps and she has been to same sex weddings) and many come from racist families. Some are down yo ufor not beign their religon and do not see spirutality and religion as something personal. Like we do. Most people have no issues with vaccines and you do not know enough facts to argue that. Poor kid.

She won an award yesterday for helping others at school.

[Arduinna]

I hear ya, dd had to deal with some homophobic comments from a close friend in the past. sigh.

[Susana]

my dd dumped a "friend" for several reasons...one being that this kid could simply not leave overweight people alone. she talks about people being "fat and gross" a lot. I've heard it myself. It was so pathetic on her part.

good for your dd, unschoolnma!

[UUMom]

I know, I know.

[UnschoolnMa]

Thanks everyone, for your comments. It really can feel like your kid (or your family) is the only one who gives a crap sometimes even though we know it isn't true.