Self Esteem

[my2suns]

I am not sure what is going on in my house these days. My DS is almost 9 and we have always been very supportive of his interests, attitudes,clothes whatever. He is starting to say things like "I'm a terrible artist" or "I'm no good at ______" fill in the blank, I have probably heard it lately. He has become concerned with looking like everyone else so much so that he cut his hair, which either way is ok, it was his choice. But not a week after was saying "I wish I wouldn't have cut it." We went to the mall and he wanted to go into Abercrombie!!!!! YUCK!!!! So in we strolled. He found a button up shirt that he liked and asked if he could buy it. So, I let him (his money). and also asked if he could get some of the cologne spray. (Out of his money now!!) (Side note: He wore the shirt yesterday and did look really cute. )

I guess I am just not sure where this is coming from. We have never been critical of him or other people. And other than asking him to write a little bigger on his homework/schoolwork, I do not gripe at him!

I am at a loss!

[oliversmum2000]

growing self awareness? frustrations as he recognises his limitations? hormones!

[my2suns]

Ok..I agree. How can I assist him as he eases into this new phase?

[Ruthla]

I think it's the hormones. And I'd be thankful that he cares about wearing stylish clothes and wants to wear cologne- some boys his age take the opposite approach and never want to shower!!!

[oliversmum2000]

there you go - picking my hugely dwindling brain!

maybe talk to him about what things he would like to be good at, what he feels it takes to be good at those things, what indeed being good actually means to him. perhaps you and he could work out whether it is more important to be good at a thing or to take pleasure in doing it, talk about what the goal is of the activity at the end of the day, the end result or the process. take him seriously and listen to his worries, as hard as that may be when you just desperately want to tell him he is the best kid in the world!

try to understand how frustrated he feels with his limitations and maybe try to explore with him either ways to improve, if he feels that it is important to him to improve, or try to discover things that he is good at and find activities which he feels he does well in.

does any of that make any sense - i may be rambling.

[my2suns]

Oliversmum2000, thanks I know how hard thinking can be !!! LOL I think you hit it when you said what being good actually means to him. He usually wants to be good at whatever the first time out. Not sure where he gets that from!

Ruthla-I am very thankful he cares how he looks. Also that we are not to the not wanting to shower phase yet! I am trying not to look too far forward!

This is just difficult for me as I am an only child and was not around the boys in my family enough to notice them going through this. Just at a loss....

[oliversmum2000]

i feel at a total loss on a regular basis - maybe we could meet there for coffee!