How do you convince a teen that he still needs to use a condom

[~Megan~]

even if his girlfriend is "on the pill". He's 17 and she's 16. She says she's taking "the pill" but I remember being 17 and taking BCP. I wasn't always consistent, I'd forget till later in the day or until the next day. And we all know that BCP aren't 100% effective.

My brother is coming to visit over Christmas and I want to talk to him about using a condom all the time.

What should I say and what information should I give him?

[fek&fuzz]

Show him some child support calculators.

[nonconformnmom]

Get your family physician (or your brother) to give him a scary lecture about STDs.

[sophiekat]

have him give me a call -- i was on the pill when i got pg with dd1.

[attachedmamaof3]

I would remind him of all the things he probably forgets to do on a daily basis. Then I'd ask him if he was willing to leave himself unprotected and trust that his gf remembered to take the pill that day, at the same time every day, without fail.

I would remind him that BC is an individual's responsibility and is not to be left up to the other person. I would also try to find the BC Pill package insert and show him that it's not 100% and by wearing a condom he is adding extra protection.

You may also want to pull out your state's teenage pregnancy stats and ask him how many of those fathers left it up to their gf's birth control.

(sophie- I was too...and DP and I are teen pregnancy stats in GA.)

[Halfasianmomma]

Uh, how about having him meet or hear about kids his age who get STDs and HIV from their partners?

I know teens at that age can't *fathom* their first girlfriend/boyfriend cheating on them, but it happens all the time. One of my first students cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years, 1 time, and she got chlamydia. She was lucky it wasn't HIV or herpes.

Sex these days is something like a self-defense activity; if you don't protect yourself, you might end up a very young parent, or a very young parent with an STD, or worse, you might end up dead.

Sorry, I used to teach sex ed and I'm cynical. Teenager or adult, you don't take off the condoms until you are both in a mature, steady relationship with your spouse and you've both been tested for STD/HIV. Even then, you can't predict infidelity.

[fek&fuzz]

Also, since condoms kind of suck, frankly, maybe talk to him about finding ways to make them more fun, part of the foreplay, etc.

[kate3]

You have already had some really good suggestions.

I work in a family planning/STD clinic. This is how I approach the condom issue with my male patients. I usually ask them how they are going to pay child support for the next 18-21 years of their lives. They usually have never really thought about it. I also equate it with maturity. Teens are attempting to transition to adult roles, and adulthood carries a whole new layer of responsibility. Condom use is just one example. Ask him if he is ready to be sexually active if he can't handle the responsibility that goes with it.

I won't get on my soapbox about STIs. You can find those statistics anywhere.

[lunabelly]

So many women get pregnant while on the pill. I can think of four friends who did. There has to be stats about this.

[JBaxter]

Ask him if he remembered to pick up his socks.... If he says no then ask him if hes SURE his gf remembered to take her pill......

Antibiotics can also decrease the effectivness....
My cousin has twins because of a bcp failure

[Phantaja]

I told my brother the truth that all teen boys want to hear: Condoms will help him stay "up" longer. Then I tossed him a box. The little twerp was too lazy and embarassed to go to the drug store to buy his own.

[Red Sonja]

I was taking the pill correctly up until the morning of November 14th, when I got a positive HPT. And I was much more careless when I was on the pill as a teen!

[HerthElde]

Oh my. Well, letting him know it's possible she might cheat on him probably won't get any result other than defensiveness . . . but when I was 15 and 16, I cheated on my longterm boyfriend 3 times with 3 different guys and didn't use a condom with any of them. And I did love him. And saw him pretty much every day.

Show him this thread.

[theretohere]

I wouldn't even address the possibility of cheating- it's unlikely that he'd think it would happen unless it's already happened.
I would talk about birth control failure and owning one's own reproductive choices- he can't force her to take the pill reliably, but he can put on a condom every time.

[beachmouse]

Don't suppose you could find some nice pictures of the effects of STDs. No male would want to end up looking like some of the images that turn up on Google.

[HerthElde]

Originally Posted by theretohere

I wouldn't even address the possibility of cheating- it's unlikely that he'd think it would happen unless it's already happened.

Yeah, that's why I suggested he look at this thread

[aspiringmidwife]

I would look into your age of consent laws for your state too. I have heard so many heartbreaking stories of underage 17 yr old boys being arrested and charged with rape because their girlfriends are under the age of consent. I just read one the other day in my niece's Jane magazine and it was a 17 yr old girl arrested, charged and found guilty for having sex with her 15 yr old boyfriend.

[1growingsprout]

Originally Posted by ~Megan~

My brother is coming to visit over Christmas and I want to talk to him about using a condom all the time.

What should I say and what information should I give him?

Well at 17 there isnt much you can say.... do his parents know you are considering having this conversation with him? Unless I had a very close relationship with an older sibling I probalby wouldnt listen to a word they had to say, espically on winter vacation.

[Ornery]

At that age, most kids are firmly stuck in the "it will never happen to me" phase so I'm not sure how much you will be able to get through, but I would definitely focus on pregnancy factor. STD's are horrible, but most teens I know have a "I'll just take a pill and it will go away" mentality (so not true!).

I was 16 and on the pill when I got pregnant with my oldest ds. My boyfriend at the time never thought it would happen to him (and he was much older).

[~Megan~]

Originally Posted by 1growingsprout

Well at 17 there isnt much you can say.... do his parents know you are considering having this conversation with him? Unless I had a very close relationship with an older sibling I probalby wouldnt listen to a word they had to say, espically on winter vacation.

Yes, our parents know and encourage it. My dh might be the one talking. My brother looks up to him a lot, as a big brother.

Not a lecture just as it comes up in conversation.