I am feeling so depressed. I need help. (Long)

[karina5]

Even my subject line annoys me.

Here it is in a nutshell. I got fired a couple months ago, which was actually a good thing b/c I HATED the soul sucking job I had. DH is a f/t student, adn I was the breadwinner. Regardless, we decided to have me just job hunt in a slow and easy way and enjoy the extra time I get right now w/ DS. We got Food Assistance, I am getting Unemployment $ (it's not much), and DH got more grants for school since I lost my job, and we decided to go into a little bit of debt (long story, but we're comfortable with it)

For the first month or so I was LOVING it. Playing with him, being a homebody, getting house in order, I even *gasp* cooked (if you knew me you would laugh as I don't like to cook and am terrible at it).

Fast forward to the last week or so. I just feel so blue. DS is driving me crazy. I try to do Gentle Discipline but I screamed at him several times, b/c he can be very stubborn, and I get very frustrated. I'm worried about $. I'm going stir crazy in the house, and can't focus. I'm spending way too much time on the internet and sometimes I feel like people just constantly want to pick fights w/ me, and I don't want to do that (not saying I'm a perfect snark-free angel, but really, I'm feeling like the "energy" on this board has been kind of negative lately...and I am honestly trying to be nice and supportive to people, and am not feeling the love back

It might be the weather - it is gray and gloomy. It might be that I am PMS'ing. I don't know. All I know is that I keep wishing I could just escape from everything for a while. Crap, now I'm crying.

Also, it is not like me to "open up" like this on a message board. BUt I have no $ for real therapy, and honestly, I'm at my wit's end, so I am reaching for ANYTHING to help me.

Well, not sure if you made it this far...any words of advice (or humor) would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

[velcromom]

((hugs)) You have a lot on your plate right now, that's hard especially when it's such a big change from what was going on before. With your income right now, you should qualify for some help with health insurance so you can go to a therapist. Even if you didn't, you can always try to find one who will charge on a sliding scale. Just start calling and asking. If you don't get a good answer, call someone else. Be a squeaky wheel, and you'll find info you didn't know before and you'll see some options start to open up.

In the meantime, get the heck out of the house!! Are there any playgroups near that you could take ds to and maybe get some contact with other moms? Perhaps you could find some to meet up with in the FYT forum.

[happyhippiemama]

Oooo, oooo, I coulda written your post.

to you, mama, I'm right there with you - except we can't afford for me to not be working.

But not working I am. And going stir-crazy. And really, not even very good at this staying at home thing.

[AnyMama]

There's this great ideal that staying home is the perfect thing for everyone, baby, mama, the whole family. I stayed home myself for almost 3 years with my kids. At first it was great, I too had been in a soul sucking job. Being home was heaven and I had this cute baby to play with all day. I got things done while she napped.

But after a while it wasn't so great. We moved, I didn't have any friends, and certainly didn't know anyone who stayed home. I was bored, isolated, alone with 2 kids all day long. I think kids act up during the day when they're not occupied, it's natural. I'd lose my temper, feel badly...

Truth is I am much happier working than I was being at home. Sure it's more stressful, our house is messier (though honestly, it's just as hard to clean with kids around). My kids are sick from being around other kids. But I KNOW they have more fun.

Don't beat yourself up about not liking being home. I think it's normal. You have no support system based around being an at home mom. You're lonely, you're bored and it's really no wonder you're feeling down.

Try to get out as much as you can. Parks (even though it's cold), the grocery store, play dates if possible, long walks, etc. There are some supplements that can help too, but they're not cheap. 5-htp is a serotonin booster. GABA helps with stress/anxiety. Rescue remedy from Bach florals can help with a lot of symptoms.

[jlutgendorf]

Do you have to keep staying at home? It sounds like you might benefit (in many ways, personal, financial, emotional) to start up your job search.

It sounds like you've taken a vacation (from working) and now that's getting boring. Even the most luxurious vacation to Hawaii or Tahiti would probably get boring and tedious after several weeks. There's no shame in that!

Is there anything keeping you at home? I don't think there's any shame in working rather than being a SAHM. You have to do what works best for you and your family. If that means working, then that's what you should be doing.



~Julia

[springmama]

Hugs to you. I am struggling right now too. I also don't have any $ for help. I hope that you feel better soon.

[Smylingeyz]

I know how you feel too. I had to stop working three months ago, due to complications with my pregnancy. Although I hated my job, staying home every day has proven to be much more depressing. Our financial problems are piling up since I was making just over half our income, and we only have one car so I almost never get to leave the house. My health problems won't permit me to walk anywhere either, so I'm pretty much sitting around waiting for my baby girl's birth in March. The only thing that keeps me going is blind Faith and my love for my wonderful husband. Things will get better, they always do. Hang in there!

[mamahart]

don't worry

How you feel sounds familiar to me...though not comfortable for sure. Take each wonderful moment (you know, when the soup comes out fantastic or the kid draws you an awesome dragon) and celebrate it. Take the icky moments when everyone is up in your s&*# and ignore them. Chances are you are a great mama and mate. Rock on.

[2crazykids]

I just posted some of the same feelings in the SAHM forum.

I've been doing this for 5 years now and I am feeling totally done.

May I suggest:

1. Get out of the house with ds as much as possible. Children's museum, park, sledding, a walk somewhere far from your house.

2. Playdates with like minded children and parents.

3. Set some goals for yourself with your job search and reassess each week where you are and how it's going.

Just some ideas. I totally feel ya though...

[nicole moore]

reading your post made (allowed) me (to) cry

I too have been feeling depressed lately about being unemployed and finances + living in a crappy place that I didn't want to live. Here I am though - I thought I could stick with this for a year, but now (3 months in) I'm feeling like I can't.

I NEED A JOB. I've been searching for over a month now. Even though I have a university degree, I feel under qualified for EVERYTHING - or over qualified. I've been getting really down on myself, fretting about finances, stressing about finding daycare (then having to pay for it!!!). I too spend too much time on the computer searching for jobs, then tailoring my resume over and over again for each position applied for - and I feel guilty about it because I feel like I am neglecting my 1 yr old. But I feel guilty about not doing it! I feel like a terrible mom - not being as patient as I want to be, being over sensitive.
To top it all of my son has started throwing temper tantrums at nap-time. He works himself up so much that he throws up everywhere sometimes. This being a mom is hard. I don't feel up to snuf. I realize that I am not one of those women who can be a SAHM - I am so done after 14 months!!! Then I start to feel guilty about that!!! Yikes - I needed to get that out. I felt on the verge of a breakdown. Actually I still kinda do. I feel with ya. Cyber hugs.