what to do when parents disagree on parenting style - Page 2

[my3peanuts]

I don't think your dh is being unreasonable in this situation. It sounds like there are issues with respect, maybe from both sides? Also, from your post I would've guessed your dd was 3-4, not 12. Not sure what that tells me, if anything, but the whole scenario sounded like toddler/parent argument.

I think your dh should've explained himself a bit more as to why he wanted her to move, although at 12 she probably understood and was maybe having a bad day like you said. Either way I still think she should've moved when asked.

[cuddleluvinma]

I agree that she should have moved in the first place. But, after that I see no reason why she shouldn't be able to sit there and just lock the door. If some one wants to come in she can just unlock the door and move. Which is what she WOULD normally do. I have full confidence in her making the right decision in the future. She did apologize (without prompting) later on, after thinking about it. She does think about her mistakes and tries not to make them again.

[Marsupialmom]

At 12 your dd showed total lack of disrespect to anyone that walked through that door. It isn't a safe place to sit. I do like locking the door idea to make it safer. IMO she needs to move for anyone and I do see how your dh would feel disrespected by her by not carring to move so he wouldn't hurt her or he wouldn't be cold. I also would suggest she find another radiator.

Also you said your heat is set at 67 and YOU feel it is reasonable. What about everybody else? I get hives when I get to cold (cold urticaria) I really hate when people say to me I feel the tempature is reasonable. More times than not if I am complaining then other people are uncomfortable. So re-visit the temp setting again.

[cuddleluvinma]

Well...I'm usually the one who is cold. Everyone else usually think that it's fine and I'm freezing. So, I sit by the heater or throw on another sweater and slippers. I don't want to waste energy. Not to mention, heating throughout the winter gets pretty expensive.

The only person who wasn't safe by her sitting by the door was her. The door swung 3/4 of the way open when she was sitting there. My DH could get in easily. He was just annoyed.

Like I have said a number of times...I also feel that she should have moved. It was disrespectful. She was having a bad day and was in a bad mood. She apparently felt the same way otherwise she wouldn't have made amends with no prompting.

[donannedean]

Whenever My husband says something to our children that I do not agree with , I simply ask. Is that the way you would like to be treated? Kindness begets kindness. It is very simple when you ask the golden rule. I learned this from Naomi Aldort. If your husband does not aggree in treating his children in the same way he likes to be treated , then there is a problem. Dictators are of the old paradigm. The new paradigm is all about consensus
Donanne

[The4OfUs]

OK, maybe way off base here, but suggest ot her next time she's in a bad mood and doesn't want to do something, just say that? "I'm in a bad mood, I'm not hurt from the door, I'll move in a few minutes" or somehting like that? She's 12 after all, she should be "allowed" to be in a bad mood, and maybe if she told her dad that he wouldn't have pushed the issue.

Just a thought. I'm all for people letting other people know directly when they are crabby and not in the mood to get into any 'issues', and then address it later.

[DavinaT]

I don't believe that she should move when she is told to without a rational reason (by the time he was changing his boots she didn't need to) especially at 12. She was there becuase she was cold (but even if it was becuase she liked the spot) - she was there for a reason and deserves to be given a reason to move, i.e. when someone wants to come in but if someone told me at half that age to move without a reason I wouldn't do so either. I would establish consequences only if my child was doing something not just displeasing. There has to be a more logical reason than that, especially for a tween.