Tell her parents or not?

[MeShelly70]

I've read the post from ~Megan~ about condoms....now I'm wondering if you would tell your ds' girlfriend's parents (who is 15) that she is having sex with your ds? How would you do it What would you say?

[angelpie545]

Tell her parents? I wouldn't. That's her business if she wants to tell her parents.

[elspethshimon]

Originally Posted by angelpie545

Tell her parents? I wouldn't. That's her business if she wants to tell her parents.

yep

[Arduinna]

nope.

[bumblebeej]

I wouldn't tell either.

[ananas]

Nope. I'd never tell.

[nolonger]

I wouldn't either. I was trying to get comfortable enough with ds' girlfriend to where I could talk to HER about protecting herself and augmenting the condoms with foam and TTA charting (which is what my dd and her partner do; yes, all three at once; they want to have kids in about 10-12 years and are SERIOUS about protecting her fertility), but they broke up before I had the chance.

[blueberrysprout]

I wouldn't approve of my 15 year old son having sex with his 15 year old girlfriend, so yes I would make the other set of parents aware of the situation.

[Stinkerbell]

If I found out that my child's gf/bf's parents KNEW that my child was having sex and did not tell me I would be furious. Children are not miniature adults and it is not another parent's right or obligation to educate them about sex. That comes from me and my home.

So yeah. I would most definitely tell.

[kate3]

This may have been brought up in the original thread but it is worth mentioning again.

15 is below the age of consent in many states, and sex with a 17yo partner would legally be defined as rape, regardless of whether it was consentual, loving, and safe.

Although you may not tell the girl's parents, their reaction does need to be considered. Would they be angry enough to press charges?

Although I think most would agree that some statutory rape laws are archaic and that labeling a 17yo as a sex offender is excessive, it does happen. And I have seen some very angry parents ruin families over it. Not meant to start a debate, just food for thought.

[BedHead]

I've been there, and no I did not. My son was 17 and she was 15, and she actually told me she'd been sleeping with him, he didn't tell me. FTR, the age of consent here is 14. I was told months after the fact, and from past behaviour displays, no way was I going to say anything to her parents. They'd kicked her out of the house for much less before, and I took her in.

I had a chat with both of the kids, though, and made sure they were being smart about it.

[theatermom]

Originally Posted by kate3

Although I think most would agree that some statutory rape laws are archaic and that labeling a 17yo as a sex offender is excessive, it does happen. And I have seen some very angry parents ruin families over it. Not meant to start a debate, just food for thought.

I got to this thread accidentally, but I think that in most states, if the parties involved are under 18 and within 2 years of one another age-wise, that statutory rape law doesn't come into play.

FWIW, I wouldn't tell her parents, either. But if I had the opportunity to speak to her myself, I would. Depending on her familial circumstances, I would want to encourage her to be open with her parents and to make certain that she understood the responsibilities she is undertaking. Of course, I would make certain that my son understood this, too. If I couldn't be the one to talk to her about it, then I would try to talk to her through my son.

[nolonger]

ds's ex-gf was 18 and he is fifteen, so I already looked into the law in our state (California) and the kids were safe: they had been together before she turned 18 and there was less than four years age difference between them.

Her parents I do not trust. They threatened to kick her out of the house if they caught her dating him because he is not Christian.



When I found out, I decided that I would definitely take her in if they followed through although there would have to be some ground rules to help her adapt to being part of our family, since we are in a MUCH lower income tax bracket than she is accustomed to.

The parents caught the kids and lowered the bar to where she would only be allowed to date him if he attended their church. She wanted him to go. He didn't want to. They broke up.

I'm very proud of my son.

[KMK_Mama]

No way. I would not tell.

[menudo]

No, what good would that do? There are very few circumstances where it should even be a consideration!

[gargirl]

I have a 14 year old son, and I assume this could be an issue in the near future. I would not tell the parents. It is the young woman's choice whether to tell her parents or not.

Telling her parents could be dangerous to her. We would all like to believe that all parents are loving and want what is best for their children, but the sad fact is that some parents would beat their daughter, kick her out or any number of abusive responses. I actually read something about a situation like that in dear abby once. A mom wrote in that her daughter's friend got pregnant and the girl had come to the friend's mother for advice. She had advized that the girl talk to her own parents about it, surely they would be loving toward her... nope! It had resulted in physical violence and disowning. The friend's mom felt horrible, responsible. She had only assumed that the other parents would be as compassionate as she would be.

Nope, I would not inform the other parents.

[barbara73069]

I wouldn't

I wouldn't tell the other parents. I would suggest to the bf/gf that they talk to the parents but that's as far as i'd go but in my previous post about sleep overs, ...and if that's the case i think both parents need to be on the same page and you should have a discussion with the other parents so you aren't going behind their backs. If sleep overs went against the other parents values then I think sleepovers would be out. Barb

[Jeanne D'Arc]

Originally Posted by Stinkerbell

If I found out that my child's gf/bf's parents KNEW that my child was having sex and did not tell me I would be furious. Children are not miniature adults and it is not another parent's right or obligation to educate them about sex. That comes from me and my home.

So yeah. I would most definitely tell.

I believe teens become adults way earlier than we currently think. I am okay with a sexually active teen as long as they understand its implications, and along with sex comes adult responsibility. No i would not tell but i would expect my teen who is sexually active, if they can do a grown up activity they can act like a grown up. That means taking responsibility for their reproductive health, ie birth control, having a job in case of an accident etc. I do not believe in babying teens in the least bit, i think it does them a great disservice.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by angelpie545

Tell her parents? I wouldn't. That's her business if she wants to tell her parents.

I might counsel her to talk to her parents about it, but I'd never violate her privacy or trust by telling that kind of information directly to anybody else.

If a teenager came to me pg or with an STD, I'd help her arrange medical care, I'd even offer her an HPT and let her POAS in my bathroom if needed- but then I'd encourage her to talk to her parents, not tell them for her.

[starkyld]

When I was 14, my mother told my (15 year old) boyfriend's mother that we had had sex. His mother misused this information in a few ways that I'd rather not detail here and treated me horribly. My mother acknowledged that she had made a mistake in telling his mother and apologised to me for it. I'm now more than twice as old as I was then and she and I both still feel like it was a mistake to have told her.

Trust your kid. Trust your kid's girlfriend. Empower them to make good, safe decisions and to have a right to their own privacy.