getting dd interested in birth

[xixstar]

I've got lots of time before labor starts (just 9 weeks now), but I'm already thinking of ways to get my dd (age 12) involved in birth. She is very vocal and adamant about not being there, that it's gross, and she doesn't want to see a baby being born.

As much as I hate to admit it, this really hurts my feelings. I keep thinking that it'll change over time, but knowing my dd, I'm not sure it will without some gentle encouragement. Also, I'm fine with her not seeing the actual birth, but would like her present for the labor because I really want her to see the amazing thing that her body can do someday.

The other wrench in the plans is that she goes to summer camp each year and we have the option of her normal session which is two weeks before the edd, two weeks after, or two weeks past that. Right now I'm still leaning to her usual slot and don't think we'll be going early anyways -- but I think I would be sad for her to miss the birth because she isn't home -- of course, she LOVES this idea and really wants to go at the same time so she can see the same people she normally sees.

Sometimes I think she'll be a little more involved once I'm actually showing, but I also know she can be very set in her opinions and may want nothing to do with the labor at all. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

[mama_in_PA]

We're due in March and having similar feedback from DF's DD. We would like her to be there but she said she would prefer not to. The problem is that we don't have anywhere else for her to go. We decided that she can choose where she wants to be when the time comes. Our house is big enough that she can choose to go upstairs to her room where she won't have to watch (we're planning on having baby in the livingroom) or she can help out. A recent thought I had was to get her involved; give her a task like getting me a glass of water, helping set things out for the baby or being daddy's helper getting wash cloths or towels. We also chose to buy each of the kids a little digital camera so that they can take their own pics of the birth. I don't know how well this will work but it's worth a shot.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Have you been showing her birth videos at all? Mine has been watching them since she was born herself, practically. She loves watching "born babies." She slept through the birth of my 2nd though. I don't know how to get a 12 year old interested-

[xixstar]

yeah, we'll try the helpful approach and see if that goes very far. But I guess I'll just accept that she doesn't want to be part of it if she really doesn't.

We've tried birth videos but she thinks they're gross too and won't watch them. For several years now, since the sex discussions started, she's been very vocal about how she'll never get married or have kids because the whole thing freaks her out. I guess this is just a continuation of that to some degree.

[mama_in_PA]

Many children are raised with a notion that their bodies are "gross". DD is raised by her dad and is not allowed to wear dresses or skirts because "there are bad people." At 10 yo she is not allowed to leave her house without wearing a training bra. My sister has been telling her DD (starting back when her little hands would wander during diaper changes) that touching her genitalia is "icky" and "naughty". Often times well-intending parents (or other influences like grandparents or sitters) will plant these seeds in the minds of their children unaware of how crippling it is to their sexuality. I'm not saying that you have done any of these things to your child, only illustrating how it could have possibly come about. New baby aside, it may be worth it to find some professional help or books that can guide you to help your DD to view her body as beautiful and amazing so that her self-image will be a healthy one, not "gross".