I posted in the Parenting Issues Forum last week that my Grandfather had passed away. He was almost 100 years old and while it is a relief that he isn't suffering anymore, I will also miss him more than words can say.
A few years ago I was a person who could say she hadn't been touched by death much. Then my Grandma suddenly died on Christmas Eve. My Mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the next month. She died almost five years ago. Then my father died a year and a half ago, and although I hadn't seen my abusive father for years, his death still marked the end of something. Sort of the final statement that I would never have what I had never had.
And now my Grandpa.
I am in my mid-30's and all of my family that I was close to is gone. I never got to say, "I'm pregnant!" to my mom. My Grandfather was too old and infirm to really be a part of my life.
It is lonely. And grief follows me around. I'm kind of embarrassed by how the grief still hangs on -- it seems there is so much expectation in our society to move on. But the thing is, there are so many things that bring the grief back up again, over and over.
I think I need to get into some counseling. I've really become paranoid about dying myself and leaving my daughter without her mother. My eyes have been opened that tragedies happen all of the time.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting. Anyone feel anything similar? How do you integrate these losses into your life? What do you do to work with your grief? Anyone very afraid of dying and leaving your children?
A few years ago I was a person who could say she hadn't been touched by death much. Then my Grandma suddenly died on Christmas Eve. My Mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the next month. She died almost five years ago. Then my father died a year and a half ago, and although I hadn't seen my abusive father for years, his death still marked the end of something. Sort of the final statement that I would never have what I had never had.
And now my Grandpa.
I am in my mid-30's and all of my family that I was close to is gone. I never got to say, "I'm pregnant!" to my mom. My Grandfather was too old and infirm to really be a part of my life.
It is lonely. And grief follows me around. I'm kind of embarrassed by how the grief still hangs on -- it seems there is so much expectation in our society to move on. But the thing is, there are so many things that bring the grief back up again, over and over.
I think I need to get into some counseling. I've really become paranoid about dying myself and leaving my daughter without her mother. My eyes have been opened that tragedies happen all of the time.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting. Anyone feel anything similar? How do you integrate these losses into your life? What do you do to work with your grief? Anyone very afraid of dying and leaving your children?
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