What is wrong with me?

[Cherie2]

What's wrong with me? My mom died in October. We had gone through some troubles, some struggles, but we were very close and I loved her very much. We had no unfinished business. She was young (63) and died unexpectedly of a stroke. I cried and cried when I found out she was going to die (she was in the hospital for a week dying) and the couple of weeks after. I was with her when she passed and it was very spiritual and beautiful. There were moments I would think of something I would like to call and tell her and would cry because I could not... and mornings I would wake up and see her picture and cry... but I would think about where she is now and feel warm and happy, because I know she is in a very happy place.

Ok here is the problem: I don't feel sad anymore. People will ask "how are you?" .. I am fine. But it leaves me wondering is there something wrong with me? Maybe I am just in such deep denial that I don't even see it? How can I possibley be over it? I feel like I should be more upset. Don't I care?

[AidynElyMama]

Of course you care. It's completely normal to feel this way, everyone grieves in a different way. Perhaps because you were with her, and it was so peaceful, that put you at peace with it. I'm sure there will be days when you feel sad and down, and others where you hardly think of it. There is no schedule for grief, so just take it as it comes.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[thewaggonerfamily]

Its funny that you posted this. My mom just died on Friday and I am feeling exactly this way. Certainly I've had my moments when I've cried, but I just don't feel that overwhelming bone soaking grief. I'm not sure if its because my mom has been so sick for so long that I have been preparing myself mentally for her death and am thankful she is no longer suffering. Or that I am a Christian and I KNOW that this is just a temporary hiatus and I will see her again, or if maybe just since she has been so sick for so long and generally unavailable to me that she has faded from my daily life and it is not such a shock, or ? I also do very well in bad situations and then emotionally lose it later. (I hope thats not what's going on...) I dunno. I don't have any answers for you, but at least you know you are not the only one.

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by thewaggonerfamily

Its funny that you posted this. My mom just died on Friday and I am feeling exactly this way.

I read your post yesterday, I also feel very bad for other people ... my brothers are having a hard time, mom's (sort of, on and off) boyfriend, mom's bff , and an uncle - and my dh (they were friends before me) and part of it is it feels almost like I am dishonoring them and their feelings by be so ... um ok ... you know?

[RedOakMomma]

Originally Posted by Cherie2

Ok here is the problem: I don't feel sad anymore. People will ask "how are you?" .. I am fine. But it leaves me wondering is there something wrong with me? Maybe I am just in such deep denial that I don't even see it? How can I possibley be over it? I feel like I should be more upset. Don't I care?

I feel the exact same way sometimes, and I loss my son a little before your mom passed. I've asked friends and counselors about it, and it's NORMAL. It's okay to feel "differently" than you'd expect or others would expect. You're just processing grief, and there's no right way to do it.

I feel so okay some days it's scary. And yeah, it makes me feel really guilty, really wrong, really shallow. Still, I'm trying to be kind to myself and give myself some patience and understanding. I know I loved my son. I know I mourn his loss.

If it helps, my view from the beginning has always been that James is helping me feel less pain, helping me carry on without the heavy weight I was expecting. James was pure joy as a child, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he had a hand in lessening the pain and suffering of those who loved him. I think our loved ones can lighten our load, and I think we should let it happen.

[thewaggonerfamily]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

If it helps, my view from the beginning has always been that James is helping me feel less pain, helping me carry on without the heavy weight I was expecting. James was pure joy as a child, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he had a hand in lessening the pain and suffering of those who loved him. I think our loved ones can lighten our load, and I think we should let it happen.

I don't know about the OP, but this helps me a lot. I can totally believe that my mom is doing that for me. Just reading this lifted some of my worry about it! Thanks!

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

I think our loved ones can lighten our load, and I think we should let it happen.

This makes so much sense, my mom grieved for 50 years over the loss of her own mother, she never got over it ... I know she never wanted me to feel that pain.

[babygrant]

Acceptance is the last step of grief. Some people don't go through the steps in the normal sequence, some people go through a step, then back two steps, an forward, but it always ends in acceptance. The stages of grief are denial "this has not happened", anger "WHY did this have to happen to ME?!", bargaining "Please, just take me instad!", depression "I don't really care anymore", acceptance "I will go on with my life". Don't feel bad for not being sad anymore.

[lu123]

I am sorry for your loss. I went through something similar after the death of my father. He had been sick for so long that when he passed I was already working towards acceptance.

lu