Feeling discouraged

[kerrybennysmama]

This is my second child with whom it took me some time to conceive. I am extremely grateful to have gotten to the point of being able to have another child, especially since I had two losses after my first child. So maybe my discouragement is being selfish considering that I been able to get to this point.

I had a CS with my first after a long labor that really went no where, didnt dilate past 4, head didnt engage etc. The expereince felt somewhat traumatizing as I wasnt prepared to have a CS. This time around I wanted to try for a VBAC. I found an OB I liked, hired a doula and tried to optimistic about my chances. I had my appt today, I am just about 39 weeks, and absolutely nothing is happening with my cervix. My cervix was not only closed and not dialated but it was still so far back that my OB had a difficult time even getting to it. He said he would check me next week and decide then what to do. I have had lots of BH contractions over the last weeks and I am very active, still teaching dance classes, so I was suprised nothing was going on at all.

Here is my dilema, I used fertility treatments so I know when my date of conception is. I get very nervous about going much past 40 weeks, as I know I will worry about how the baby is doing and drive myself nuts. I have scheduled a CS or inducation for 2 days past my due date so that I have something planned incase I dont go into labor on my own. There is part of me, knowing how sensitive I am to things, wondering if I should just give up the fantasy now and schedule the CS next week, prepare myself mentally and emotionally for it and have the best birth experience possible. I worry that I will be more traumatized by the rollercoaster of interventions that may come with the end result still being a CS. My OB also has my doing an ultrasound to check the size of the baby as my first was over 9 pounds.

I find myself feeling discouraged and unsure what the best plan for me would be at this point.

Any sage advice would certainly be appreciated.

[Diva Mama]

The safe, normal average range includes up to 42 weeks past your LMP. After that you can have routine checks (u/s, NST) if you're really that worried. After 44 weeks is when things statistically take a downturn and you might want to look at induction.

DS1 arrived after 42 weeks. Some babies just take longer, some are just waiting for the stars to align. If it were up to me, I'd relax (stress is an inhibitor), use the acupressure points, hypnosis, the legendary induction foods, sex, etc. and if baby was still inside at 42 weeks, have the NST every few days, and continue from there.

[Beppie]

I would just ask, why do you feel nervous going past 40 weeks? It is so completely normal for babies to stay inside past that time, to 42 weeks and even sometimes beyond.

With my first pregnancy, nothing seemed to be happening to my body AT ALL well past 40 weeks. Every mw appointment, nothing was dilated, the baby's head was far up, etc. Well, dd#1 was born right at 42 weeks. She just wasn't ready to come before that time.

I'm 40 weeks now, too, and am not expecting this baby anytime in the next week. It would be a pleasant surprise if it came "early." And I am also 100% sure of when this baby was conceived. Even knowing when conception was, it doesn't mean the baby has to come within 40 weeks of that date. KWIM?
Relax and let your body lead you. The baby won't stay in forever.

So I would just encourage you to stick it out. And not to get nervous when your due date passes. It's really no big deal. And even a 9-lb baby --- Women deliver 10 and 11 lb. babies vaginally all the time. It's no excuse for a c/s. (not to mention the inaccuracies of ultrasounds in determining baby weight anyway.)

[Belleweather]

For my first baby we used fertility treatment, and I remember being in exactly the same place you are now -- freaking out because I was 39 weeks and nothing was happening to signal that I would ever go into labor.

It's okay to be scared... but a complicated experience conceiving doesn't mean that you're not just as capable of having a safe, healthy birth as someone who got knocked up the first month they tried. It's perfectly normal for healthy babies to take longer than 40 weeks... your baby doesn't have a calender or a timer, and the whole "40 weeks" thing is an average and an estimate anyway. One that, if I remember correctly, dates from the beginning of the 20th centuary anyway.

Would you feel better if you felt like you were *doing* something? I know when I was freaking out, my midwives recommended Red Raspberry Leaf tea, lots of walking, and using Evening Primrose oil capsules as suppositories to try to encourage cervical readiness. I don't know if it was the Evening Primrose or what, but my body did ripen and efface on it's own, and it did it quite quickly once the baby was ready... at 41w5d. Hang in there.

[hypechick]

Oh, do I know how you feel. My CS came after being a homebirth transfer and in labor for 60+ hours and the whole experience was traumatizing. I'm also planning a VBAC and I'm at 41 wks and 3 days. MW recommended NST and u/s after 41 weeks and all looks good. I meet with MW tomorrow morning and am considering inserting a balloon catheter to get labor going. She'll do another NST as well.

Really, if the NST done every few days shows that baby is happy inside, there isn't much you can to do but wait but as I said, I know how anxious you feel since the pressure to repeat CS gets put on you at 42 weeks.

As everyone is suggesting, you might try some of the natural induction methods such as evening primrose oil, sex, pressure points, curb walking, nipple stimulations. Just remember that none of these methods works unless baby is ready to come on out.

Frankly, I'm feeling a bit desperate myself for some kind of sign that Baby wants out. At just under 40 wks, I was 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced but nothing exciting has happened yet. This was great news since the first time I was hardly 5 cm when it was CS time. I REALLY want this VBAC but know that I might end up on the operating table again.

[MCKH]

I understand you feeling nervous, although IMO no cervical change at 39 weeks doesn't mean a whole lot. You honestly could have this baby tomorrow.

But you need to do whatever sounds best to you and will give you the most peace. VBACs are great and I am thrilled that you found a HCP who supports you in going for one, but ultimately it is YOUR choice and no one else's. Don't let truly irrational worries deter you from what you want - but don't ignore your feelings to the point of doing something you're not comfortable with either. There is no one ideal birth experience. You do what works for you.

[kittywitty]

Don't get discouraged! Just remember to think positively. Use affirmations and relaxation techniques. That is probably the best thing to help you open up and start and progress in labor.

And my docs kept checking my ds's weight b/c my first dd was over 8lbs. They induced me to make sure I didn't have a "big baby" and he was premature and only 7lbs. 2oz.

So please follow your instincts and don't listen to those u/s estimates and such. They are *so* inaccurate!

[transformed]

cervical changes don't really mean anything.

Some women dont dialate until labor actually begins.

Talk to your doula-she is likley to make you feel better.

[kerrybennysmama]

thanks for all the imput. I actually spoke to my doula and she said lots of reassuring things that really helped. My OB is only comfortable allowing me to go to 41 weeks. Quite honestly I am only comfortable going that far as well. I understand gestation can be up to 42 weeks, but the anxiety I have regarding pregnancy in general (after two previous losses), wouldnt be worth sticking it out longer. I do feel like a lot can happen over the next week or so and I am trying to focus on that rather than what my body may not be doing.

[Brees_Mama]

I hardly had any cervical changes going on when pg with dd and got induced at 40wks 5 days (went in at 2cm dialated) she was born the same night i was induced....so you could go from not being dialated to dialating super fast, ya never know! Maybe try walking up and down stairs alot so that baby scoots down and is encouraged to engage.

[lisarussell]

11 hours before dd#2 was born, I had no cervical changes. MW's exact words were "Your cervix is very high, nice and firm. You haven't had any contractions since you've been here, Your bowels are nice and firm, You haven't started to soften up or thin out or dilate or anything yet. Go home honey, and relax. We'll see you Wednesday for your prenatal checkup."