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Christmas gifts for your DSC and DC - Page 2

post #21 of 32
We spend the same amount on SS10 and BS8. If the pot is smaller one year, they both get less. We spend the least on BS2. Partly because his gifts are less expensive and take up more space. It actually looks like more for the little one under the tree.

I am really trying to cut back on xmas because it has been out of hand in previous years. This year we are getting one big family gift. Each child is then getting 5 small gifts.
post #22 of 32
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by courtenay_e View Post
We have recently considerably shrunk our Christmas budget. I believe this is the third year... We have gone to three gifts per child. We figure that we'd like to make this about CHRISTMAS, not gifts...and tie the gifts to the nativity with the gifts of the three kings to the child. SO. We ask the children for short lists, they know they'll only get three each, and we try to make the gifts kind of equal in cost. They're too young to "get" that something costs more than something else right now, but we still try to be fair. However, this makes our Christmas MUCH more relaxed. We do what my mother did...we look at traditions that we appreciate, and do things to enjoy the holiday as a family: go to the hanging of the greens at church, string popcorn and cranberries for the tree, bake cookies, adopt a family and gather food/gifts/clothes for them from our stores and those of our friends and family, drive around the neighborhoods near-by with hot chocolate and popcorn, and look at the lights.

My mom is one of 13 kids...they grew up VERY modestly, but the first thing they did every week, when they baked bread, was to bring the first two loaves down the street to the family who had none. So, when we were growing up, though we got gifts from the giving tree, we volunteered at soup kitchens, we brought canned goods and christmas trees to those who had none...we went to the hanging of the greens at church (it was a HUGE deal at our church...potluck meal, lots of singing and lots of people)...it was about the time spent with friends and family, not about the stuff we got under the tree...and I guess it's a good thing, as there was very little there!

Frankly, if he's a teen-ager, I'd start doing stuff for the poor, and tell him that you're spending less because you are on a budget and need to make sure that things are equal, but that you'd like to examine the traditions that he appreciates most, and make a strong effort to make the holidays about that, more than about stuff.

Would that work with this child?
I think this would work! I like your ideas of 3 gifts per child, doing things for the poor, and focusing on family traditions. It seems that the true meaning of Christmas is often forgotten and so much focus is on gift giving. We are going to start some new traditions!
post #23 of 32
*great big grin* the smiley isn't working for some reason.
post #24 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by courtenay_e View Post
The child who already exists does not ASK for the parents to remarry and take on NEW responsibilities and should not be PUNISHED because of decisions their father makes.
This does not mean that, when the child's father decides to father new children, the cost of toilet paper for the existing child goes down.
First of all, this is just a hypothetical discussion on my part.

But I would like to respond to your post.
Children don't ask for their parents to have more than one child.
That's really completely irrelevant.
If a couple decide to have 6 children, is their first child receiving 20% of the family income alone, while the other 5 children get less? No. At least I would hope not.
I say the system is completely skewed in favor of the oldest child, no other reason than that they were born first. That is completely unfair. The first child then is spoiled with luxury and a sense of entitlement and the subsequent children are cheated because their toilet paper costs the same, too. Yet no changes are made no matter how many children there are in total.
post #25 of 32
[quote=nikag;10022285]Mothers still have a financial obligation to their children when mom and dad split. It goes both ways. Women should emotionally prepare themselves for the probability of providing for their children 100% before they have children. It's just plain responsible to do so. We all know that nothing lasts forever in terms of relationships, and no one can foresee the future. It is my opinion that part of being a responsible mother is preparing for the worst.

Most of what I hear on the subject of child support makes me kind of ill. If my husband and I ever split up, I am certain that I will focus all of my time and energy on being a mom (in all aspects including providing what is needed financially), and not so much on taking dad to task for his shortcomings - financial or otherwise. I can't make him take responsibility, but I can choose to be responsible. It sucks, but that's the way it is.

Children inevitably suffer for or benefit from the choices both parents make. It's a fact of life. It's not always fair, but then life isn't always.

I think it's really sad for children put in the middle of financial battles. But if you're going to succumb to a life of constant financial bickering, I say at least keep it out of your children's Christmas celebration.[/quote


]:
post #26 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL'smom;10023203I
IMO the court is not always fair in determining CS.
In our state, CS is based soley on income.
We pay a lot in CS, we provide over 65% of DSS care.
Overtime is a big factor and my DH is paying CS based on more money than he actually makes because overtime is not a consistent thing but the court looks at a section of time and decides that you will continue to make the same amount of overtime.
I know what CS is for and DSS mom is also responsible for contributing to those things.
The court does not take into consideration that we also provide those things when DSS is in our care.
DH did not want a divorce from DSS mom, but since she did he shouldn't be penalized for starting a new life.
So not only does he need to make enough money to support his first child, he needs to make enough to support a new family, then the ex-wife gets to take him back to court for an increase in CS because he has to make more money to support the new family.
So she is also entitled to a portion of the money he is making to take care of the new family.
I am not resentful of paying CS, but I do think the way our state calculates it can be unfair. Again, I am not relating CS to Christmas gifts, I just wanted to explain how it is in our state.

Purity Lake - Thank you, I think you truly understand where I am coming from.
IMO the first child does get more.
When DSS's mom wanted an increase in CS after we had DD, we got a $50 credit for DD.
I guess the court thinks that's all we need to take care of her each month. I am not atheist, but I like your idea of not buying anyone anything.
I think there will be some big changes around here next year!

I honestly don't have an issue with paying CS.
Of course DSS deserves to be taken care of and he is taken care of well. At the same time, my DD deserves to be taken care of just as well, but our state doesn't see it that way.
I really should have divided my questions into 2 separate posts.
I agree completely with your post.
This state is the same way, regarding temporarily higher wages due to overtime and the assumption that wage will continue, when in fact it doesn't.

There is no such credit for subsequent children at all in Alaska.
The courts pretty much don't care about any children other than the first.

My husband hadn't wanted to leave his first marriage, either.
He was in the military, his wife and he had some trouble, they went to counseling, then only he went because she didn't like the counselor telling her some effort had to come from her, too.
She started having an affair instead and kicked her husband out.
Then she'd come back to him, apologize, and then cheat with the same guy again.
She then filed for divorce and married her boyfriend 30 days after the divorce was finalized. They are still married.
She in no way supports her son because she can't hold a job longer than 2 months before getting fired and completely depends on her current husband to fund her lifestyle, she filed bankruptcy to avoid her financial responsibilities and doesn't do a whole lot of anything.
She is allowed to move on with her life after divorce, and will in no way be penalized due to having divorced.
Whereas, my husband, who also remarried to someone who didn't have other children, who wanted children, he is seen as making his bed and having to lie in it, even though it was her who cheated, it was her who left him, and it is her who doesn't support her own son and never has.
post #27 of 32
On Christmas morning, when they're opening presents, they really don't care nor do they understand anything except so & so has a bigger pile! We spent the same amount on each child however, I can understand where you're coming from. My step children's mom remarried someone very wealthly and for a short time they were lavished with 'stuff'. After a couple of years, the marriage ended and then she didn't give them anything for Christmas...not because she didn't have it, but because (as per my son) she didn't think they 'needed' anything. However, during their 'rich time' they had double the amount then their step-siblings and flaunted it too but there wasn't much I could do....then. Financially, things have gotten a lot easier for and their step siblings have grown up and moved away so I've been able to spoil my kids when I want to. And as an earlier poster said, the children that live here have/had a Dad all the time, one that loves them, one that drops whatever he's doing to pick up, drive, cook for, help with homework, etc. Priceless. Years down the road, that's what they'll remember, not how much they got for Christmas 2007.
post #28 of 32
for years I spent the same amount on all 3 kids. Now I dont my SD has 3 Christmas's my kids have 1. Now we open gifs twice once before mySD comes and then we do it again while she is here.
post #29 of 32
courtenay_e Thank you for posting such eloquent writings.


It still amazes me to this day that so many second families resent the money being sent to support the other children. It is for toothpaste, and toilet paper, the roof over the head, the transportation, the health care, the food in the belly, all the things that the ncp is already providing. All some second (and third and fourth ect) spouses see is X amount of dollars no longer being in their budget, when in reality, the money was never in their budget to begin with. Do you really think we are so much better off now, than when we were married/living with the father of our children? The children of divorce are often already being short changed in life, it pains me to think that this would be another case in point.
I suggest to the OP and others that think it is okay to do this to your step children, please rethink it. Please, the child is innocent, how would you feel to be in this horrible situation as a child? How would YOU want to be treated? Then go from there, a place of love and understanding, peace and generosity.
post #30 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
courtenay_e Thank you for posting such eloquent writings.


It still amazes me to this day that so many second families resent the money being sent to support the other children. It is for toothpaste, and toilet paper, the roof over the head, the transportation, the health care, the food in the belly, all the things that the ncp is already providing. All some second (and third and fourth ect) spouses see is X amount of dollars no longer being in their budget, when in reality, the money was never in their budget to begin with. Do you really think we are so much better off now, than when we were married/living with the father of our children? The children of divorce are often already being short changed in life, it pains me to think that this would be another case in point.
I suggest to the OP and others that think it is okay to do this to your step children, please rethink it. Please, the child is innocent, how would you feel to be in this horrible situation as a child? How would YOU want to be treated? Then go from there, a place of love and understanding, peace and generosity.
???
post #31 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
???
My sentiments exactly.
post #32 of 32
Ladies, I believe this discussion has gone far enough. The OP seems to have come to a conclusion on what she'd like to do, and the topic of discussion has strayed beyond what the OP has asked. So, I am locking this to further posts. Thanks for your participation!

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