or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › How do you feel about this?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

How do you feel about this? - Page 5

post #81 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by boysmom2 View Post
I was reading an article about how new college grads are being given all kinds of rewards at work for showing up on time.
umm....wow. The only reward I ever expected (or received) for showing up at work on time was continued employment...
post #82 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post


On the one hand, it seems like public school employees WANT parents to count on the schools for help and support -- but then there's this pulling the rug out from under the kids of the most stressed and needy parents.

When people say things like, "It doesn't matter if you're a SAHM or a WOHM (read, your personal circumstances don't matter) -- you still have the SAME responsibility to help your kids keep up with all this stuff" -- it communicates a total disregard of the fact that some parents are very, very stressed, pushed to the limit, simply not able to perform at a higher level at this time.

I don't even think it's fair to punish these parents for their painful situations, let alone punish the kids.
It was pretty crazy. He was bringing papers home at least four days a week - notices of fundraisers, notices of special events (Christmas concerts, "meet the teacher barbecue, etc.), Pizza day forms, field trip permission slips, etc. I felt absolutely buried. My MIL, who was doing our childcare when my ex worked, was always tidying up, and I work better with the "okay - that form was in this pile" approach. I had trouble finding anything. One of the reasons he's be late is that I'd suddenly realize it was Friday, and such-and-such permission slip had to be in today - and I had to find it. I can remember carrying ds1 on my shoulder, while I tried to walk as fast as I could to the school, to get him there in time, and hopefully make my bus to work (I didn't have a set start time, but I did have a daily deadline, and the earlier I got there, the easier it was to meet).

Honestly - I look back on that year and have no idea how I even survived it (I was really ill, too - two courses of heavy duty antibiotics in less than two months...and I only saw the doctor when I got to the "dizzy, high fever, delirious and in pain" point.

I look back and I'm still boggled that ds1 was catching flack for being late...
post #83 of 91
Amen! Yeah that! Right on! Your all right...more and more the world seems backasswards to me. : Commune living on a deserted island looks so enticing...I mean it! I'm getting so tired of swimming against the mainstream. :
post #84 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatermom View Post
The problem is that it isn't just one starburst per week for one year of the child's life. Nearly everyone in a child's life feels the need to step in and "reward" them for things that occur naturally in their lives (dentists, doctors, teachers, babysitters, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and so on). What's wrong with a simple "congratulations" or "thank you, I appreciate your work"? Trust me, "reward junkies" are not truly content individuals when they grow up, and the world can definitely use some more people who aren't motivated by personal gain.

There ARE many things wrong with school systems, certainly, and one of the serious ones, imo, is the over-rewarding, over-training, and over-manipulating of small children. They aren't dogs, and even serious dog trainers know that you don't reward the animal every time it does a specific task -- the motivation wears off. So, practically speaking, it doesn't work, and ethically, it's more than sketchy. Anything can look perfectly innocent when taken out of its larger context.
I do understand what you're saying. I try to refrain from over-rewarding my son myself. But I still don't see anything wrong with what the teacher does. I think the bigger problem would be for the OP's child to be the ONLY one left out of the reward because she doesn't want him over-rewarded. Then he sees that everyone is doing their work, but he's the only one that doesn't get a reward.

I was rewarded PLENTY as a child. But I'm not screwed up from it. As you grow you learn that you do things because you have to, not to get a sucker, etc. It's part of growing up, imo.
post #85 of 91
I'm actually thinking -- even if a particular child has such an on-the-ball mom that he never forgets anything he needs for school -- it's probably just as harmful for him to see other children being punished (by being excluded from the reward), as it would be for him to be punished.

This is similar to the rationale that it's just as harmful to have to see bullying, as it is to personally be a victim of bullying.
post #86 of 91
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
I'm actually thinking -- even if a particular child has such an on-the-ball mom that he never forgets anything he needs for school -- it's probably just as harmful for him to see other children being punished (by being excluded from the reward), as it would be for him to be punished.

This is similar to the rationale that it's just as harmful to have to see bullying, as it is to personally be a victim of bullying.
Very good point!
post #87 of 91
I have to agree...great point, Mammal_mama.
post #88 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffer23 View Post
I do understand what you're saying. I try to refrain from over-rewarding my son myself. But I still don't see anything wrong with what the teacher does. I think the bigger problem would be for the OP's child to be the ONLY one left out of the reward because she doesn't want him over-rewarded. Then he sees that everyone is doing their work, but he's the only one that doesn't get a reward.

I was rewarded PLENTY as a child. But I'm not screwed up from it. As you grow you learn that you do things because you have to, not to get a sucker, etc. It's part of growing up, imo.
I see what you're saying, but the only reason that a child eventually needs to learn that you do things without getting a sucker is because the members of his/her community have taught him/her to expect the sucker in the first place. And, I had lots of junk food and soda while growing up, learned as I got older that it wasn't good for me, and I'm not screwed up from the experience. However, not everyone with the same experience would come out of it unscathed -- certainly I've met plenty of people with serious weight and health problems that stem largely from the habits that they were taught and/or allowed to develop as children.

I do agree w/you that the greater harm comes to the children who aren't rewarded, especially when they see that the children who ARE rewarded aren't doing anything particularly spectacular to get the reward. For instance, I think that we all have a very different feeling towards a person who works hard or who is particularly talented and receives some kind of reward/notice for their work, and those who get something for just showing up.

I also agree w/mammal mom's idea that the rewarded children are also harmed by watching the indirect punishment of the other children. They learn to accept the idea that some people win and some people lose, and that often the reasons are arbitrary. While this may be true practically speaking in the world that we live in, we shouldn't prepare our children to accept this as just.

Often, I think that the whole idea of rewards/punishments represents our distrust of children, and of other people in general. Like a pp, I would rather that we "celebrate" with our children rather than reward them.

post #89 of 91
Not thrilled but not outraged. I'd probably ask the teacher to just use praise and thanks rather than a food reward.
post #90 of 91
*hasn't read all comments*

I personally would have something to say about it, not because I don't want my son to have treats but because if it weren't for the eggs I can't get him to give up he would be a vegan. I don't want him having those candies because they contain gelatin, not to mention I'm pretty sure they have artificial dyes which we try to avoid.

As for the candy itself, and veganism aside, I think treats are okay as just that...treats. I don't like the idea of it being every single week. I would honestly be worried about my child starting to feel as if everytime they did something I asked them to that they would get some kind of treat for a reward. It may not happen, but I just wouldn't want to have to even be faced with the situation.
post #91 of 91
In an age of insanely prevelant food allergies in kids (where you've got peanut-free classrooms, special lunch tables, etc.), I can't imagine the school giving out food to kids.

My kid wouldn't be able to have the starburst b/c of food allergies.

But he'd likely be the kid who would remember that folder every single time (and like Pat said, it wouldn't be for the treat, b/c he gets that whenever he wants).

And even if he got something different. It'd still be DIFFERENT. And he'd probably feel bad about that.

I think the reward part is gar-bage (but that's school, and that ain't gonna change anytime soon, I imagine), but I think it's far weirder that the school's employees are feeding kids in a day of hugely varying diets (allergies, religious reasons, vegan, veggies, etc.). Seems really antiquated.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › How do you feel about this?