Can you even relate?!!! rantish.

[ecstaticmama24]

Last night I was out at a get together and there were 2 mamas there (one has 2 kiddos, and one is still preggo). Anyways, we're discussing all things mama related and of course the topic of breastfeeding comes up. The pregnant mom I guess is unable to nurse because she has lupus and has to return on her meds as soon as baby is born.. She feels horrible. The other mom is pro bottle, I mean to the point that she wanted the medication at the hospital to make your milk dry up. She has has 2 good experiences with bottles.

I on the other hand, have 3, the first was BF for a couple weeks and then bottle fed. Nothing but problems... colic, allergies, behavior issues, chronic ear infections etc., etc., My next 2 were nursed quite a bit longer with my 3rd weaning at about 21 months, and nothing, no ear infections, no sickness, no colic, just generally healthier. I'm sure I'll have supporters on this board who believe that BFing played a large role in the health outcome.

OK, here's my point: I get it, I do, I have been down that road of formula hell and lived to tell about it (LOL, OK maybe a bit extreme LOL), and then I've been on the other side and now believe in child led weaning etc., etc., I've had a major parenting overhaul. So how do you even relate to people who simply choose formula? I find it hard to even have a conversation as I can't help thinking, "do you even care about your baby's health?" How bad is that? I feel horrible even thinking that, but even when I only nursed for 2 weeks, I entered it with the best of intentions and would never opt for bottle right from day one.

Her hubby said he hates BFing, thinks it's gross and that boys who BF too long end up gay/sissies/mamas boys. I was horrified!! I said, "Once you can remove the stereotype of boobs as a sexual object, and look at them as what they're really for, then it's not gross".

Sorry I'm ranting a bit, thanks if you made it this far

Andrea

[Mama Poot]

Well, honestly I don't relate to people like that and if I found out that they felt that way about breastfeeding I wouldn't have anything to do with them. Why would i waste my time? I wouldn't worry about this. There are plenty of other people out there who share your views, life is too short to bother with people who don't.

[velcromom]

The moms I know who bottlefeed, I don't even ask or know if they chose ff right away or if they bf then weaned, I suppose I'm just at the point where it's not a topic of conversation. On the other hand if a mom is pg and brings up bf/ff I'll share my experiences and let her know I'm happy to support her any way I can if she needs bf help, or wants to know more. Any women I spend time with see me nursing my babies/toddlers so they know I'm commited to bf and have lots of experience. I kind of think that's the best thing, just be your normal self and don't worry about relating on that specifically.

I have an image in my mind of the pro-bottle mama going on a bottlefeeding forum and saying, "omg, how do you relate to those women who won't give their baby a bottle, how do you make them understand how great it can be?"

But really, if you can't mesh on the topic don't worry about it too much. They will not "get it" until they are ready to, just the way we got it when we were ready, and if that comes along while you are in their life, they will be very lucky to know you.

Maybe when you feel there is an opportunity, you can pass along this website:
www.007b.com - it's a great place to break down the stereotypes of the sexualized breast, and gives them a lot to think about.

[Momma Aimee]

I totlally agree with OP



or i guess

[krystyn33]

I don't know anyone who is opposed to breastfeeding. The moms I know who FF believe it would not work for them in one way or another, but they don't push bottle feeding as superior. I don't suppose I would be likely to befriend someone like that, just because I would imagine most of our personal values would be in conflict.

If I was in a situation with a coworker or the like who made disparaging comments about BFing, I would try to ask questions to get a sense of where she was coming from with her ideas, or perhaps I would just leave it alone.

Some people are so entrenched in the inlfuence of their upbringing/culture that I don't much like to engage with them. A mom like that may be stuck in the sexualized perception of breasts or the belief that meeting children's needs upon demand (as opposed to scheduling them) is spoiling them--that infants should be "trained," etc.

[rmzbm]

I can relate. I do know several people very anti BF. I have nothing in common with such people. A friendship would just be pointless. I like to associate with people who share my POV on things, especially things I consider vital, like BFing. Just my not so humble opinion.

[PiesandAbrosmama]

No way can't relate. Just as I can't relate to messing with the whole pregnancy process, birth process, and not BF or sleeping with your baby. It's just to foreign for me to understand, as I know I am on the other end to many women. We just have totally different outlooks on life. I'm ok with that. I don't live in the "matrix" but I don't feel I need to save everyone from this life style either. But if you are on the path looking for something you have not found and ask me I am happy to share, I will not shove my ideology down anyone just because I think they are wrong I just don't see the point.

[captivatedlife]

I generally can't relate to the women themselves because if that's their view, we probably have many more differences.

But I can relate to them as mothers. They are trying to do their best in a world that is undermining what is REALLY best. So, I can nod my head, and smile when one of them shows up at my church, but would prefer a different playgroup iykwim.

[subrosa]

Originally Posted by ajohnson45

Her hubby said he hates BFing, thinks it's gross and that boys who BF too long end up gay/sissies/mamas boys.

Huh, you'd think if this guy couldn't get over sexualizing the boob, he'd at least think it would make boys strong and manly and hetero to nurse for so long. I mean, I don't know many gay men who are all into boobs, you know?

[elspethshimon]

Originally Posted by subrosa

Huh, you'd think if this guy couldn't get over sexualizing the boob, he'd at least think it would make boys strong and manly and hetero to nurse for so long. I mean, I don't know many gay men who are all into boobs, you know?

It's because boys who are nursed for a long time learn (and remember) that boobs are for food and not for just for olging.

[Demeter9]

Women's boobs make boys gay? WOW. That's some interesting logic on so very many levels.

[AnalogWife]

My two very best friends each quit at 9 days because of latching and pain problems. I don't blame them because I can be a hyperwimp myself, but what I just can't wrap my mind around is why they didn't even try pumping. I realize pumping is kind of a drag and feeding EBM is twice the work of breastfeeding/formula feeding, but for me the cost savings would be enough to get me on board. And not to mention HELLO, it's mommy milk, the best a baby can get. I myself pump at work (DH stays home) and bf from the tap when I'm at home---the $250 we spent on the Medela PIS has *well* paid for itself over and over compared with formula costs, and doctor visits, etc. I just don't understand how they went from BF straight to formula without even trying that middle step. Seriously, it boggles my mind. I want to ask them, but I don't want to come off like a jerk, either.

[phreedom]

Well most of my friends with children FF by the age of 6 months or so. Either they did it from the begining, BF just fine and stopped at 6 months because that was their goal,thier "milk ran out", or "tried" to BF, and one that for medical reasons really couldn't. None of them seem grossed out or against the fact that my child is still nursing at 15 months and going strong. Honestly they don't really seem to care on way or the other. It's not really something we sit around and talk about. Most of my friends seem to just have the mindset "breast is best, but formula is just fine" (not that that is okay) I'm not going to not be friends with them because of that attitude. If BF comes up, they know where I stand on it. I do get mentally irritated when I hear what I deem to be dumb reasons for quitting or not nursing at all. I will offer help but if it's clear that my friend is not going to BF and doesn't want to, then I leave it alone. I don't try to make her "feel better" about choosing formula and not even trying to nurse, but I don't go out of my way to make her feel like crap either.


If I had a friend or someone I knew that was truely anti-BFing to the point of being offensive. As in "Oh my gosh, how can you do that? That is so gross?!" then I probably would have to reevaluate my friendship with them. And I suspect we would disagree on many issues, BFing only being one of them.

[transylvania_mom]

I feel sorry for the woman whose husband thinks BF is gross. My mom couldn't BF me and my sister because her MIL (my grandmother) told her her milk was too "watery" (whatever that means). This was combined with some outstanding medical advice .
I truly believe that women who don't have a supportive environment are (almost) as unable to BF as those who really can't. Husbands, MILs and medical community have a great power over a first time mom.
If I hadn't have a supportive dh and my extended family on the other side of the ocean, I highly doubt I would be nursing my 3 y/o now.

[phreedom]

I'm thankful for my husband. Though at times, his "support" can be annoying. If I even gripe the slightest bit about nursing...he'll get all preachy on me about how good it is...yes darling I know, just because I complain about DD ripping off my nipple for the 80th time, doesn't mean I'm going to quit...but he really means well. He's trying to encourage me.

[Baby_Vol]

I experienced something similar in the church nursery this past Sunday. My son was BF, and in the nursery, but I had never been in there to keep the kids before (they needed extra help b/c it was way crowded, so I volunteered).

Anyway ...this was the newborn room. Several of the babies were bottle fed, but one little one woke up. The lady said "I know you won't eat anything because you are breastfed." Well ...he started crying. They couldn't console him. ALL they had to do was page his Mom (we have a silent beeper system, no big deal IMO) ...anyway, before the Mom got there the ladies in the room went on an on about how "he's bresatfed" and "that makes it hard."

Ugh ...

I didn't say anything. I guess I should have, but I was outnumbered and it wasn't worth it.