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How Would You Address This? - Page 2

post #21 of 30
We have a similar situation. In our case, the mother has the children enrolled in a religious school for a faith we don't practice. We struggle with this one. We give them messages of tolerance, and try to make them aware of other failths, but we also don't contradict what they learn at their other home.

I'm not sure what the right answer is as far as how to cope, but I think in factual matters, for example, about historic religious practices, etc., you are well within your bounds to explain that the other parents are mistaken, if it comes up. And no court will take them away because you told them that Pilgrims and Native Americans had different faith traditions. Obviously if the decree says she gets to pick their religion (a strange premise, I feel), then you can't contradict those teachings, but certainly matters of historical fact can be challenged, as well an anything about your faith.

If they are specifically attacking your faith, it would seem more a matter of parental alienation than an issue of choosing to indoctrinate their children as they see fit.
post #22 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma Aimee View Post
ITA
I do not think it is wise, ever, to address an issue of FAITH and PERSONAL beliefe as samrt or dumb.

these is a big differnce in correcting incorrect information -- such as about old reglions --and discussing a person's current faith.
I am all for correcting misinformation.
But she didn't call any religion dumb or stupid.
She only made the comment here in this forum (not to the child):

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsMiller View Post
I wasn't trying to say people who believe in Christianity are ignorant.
I was saying the statements about the "ancient people made up gods to be mean to god" and "the indians and pilgrims believed in the same god" as ignorant, and I am sorry if I didn't clarify that better.
Ruthla, as usual, you had a wonderful suggestion:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
How about something simple like "Different people believe different things. Your mom and step dad are Christians. I am a Pagan. We have different beliefs about who made the world, what happens after we die, and other things like that. It doesn't mean that one of us is "wrong' and one of us is "right." It just means that we are different.

It's OK if you are a Christian. I love you no matter what you believe. But it does hurt my feelings when you talk about Jesus and G-d in a way that isn't respectful of my own beliefs. Maybe it would be easier if we didn't talk about Jesus at this house?"
We struggle with the same problem with my husband's son.
His mother home schools him and uses the opportunity to exclude science, especially evolution, and then she teaches him stories from the bible as fact and teaches him that anyone who thinks different is wrong.
My husband is agnostic and doesn't want his son growing up intolerant of other religions or incapable of making the decision on his own.
My husband wants his son to make the religious choices on his own, with his own mind, and to be taught about all different religions, not just the one his mom wants him to practice.
post #23 of 30
Purity Lake...if your son is homeschooled...would your husband take the time to talk about "comparitive" religious thought?

It's one of the things that I love about my kids being homeschooled...they see every person as a possible teacher of something. It could be a weekly field trip to the library, just dad and son (or however often they're together), to check out a book about another religion, read about it's history and beliefs, and talk about it. That way, he's not teaching that his son's mother is giving him FALSE info, just that different people believe different things. I'm not sure how old your DSS is, but it might work, were it age appropriate. And, actually, I know that there are a few picture books out there that teach about different religions.
post #24 of 30
I think home schooling is awesome.

I would expect my husband and I to talk about comparative religions with our daughters (I don't have a son).

My husband doesn't see his son's mother as teaching his son false information, he sees it as limiting his world experiences and preventing him from being exposed to greater options.

My husband's son is 10.5 years old, so he's certainly old enough to have a personal opinion on the matter.
My husband just doesn't like that his son isn't given an option to think outside the box. His mom teaches him no tolerance of other religions and tells him other religions are wrong.
post #25 of 30
I am an information junkie, and especially a law junkie. Usually when I fear how a court will view something, I look into the laws of my state (at least, the state in which the legal concern is arising) and the cases that have been brought before the court in that state. More often than not, I am comforted by the answers I get. Some people practice "retail therapy"... my dad calls what I do "law therapy."

Just because the custody agreement says mom gets to make religious decisions for her child, it doesn't mean that a court will interpret that right or responsibility in the same way she does. While she may have the right to make religious decisions (such as whether or not he is baptised, whether or not he can attend services at another church or participate in certain religious ceremonies or celebrations), she is unlikely to have the right to impede on YOUR religious freedom, or even YOUR right to talk about your own religious beliefs.

I don't know what your state's custody laws are like, or the level of religious tolerence in your area, but I do know that I have often been comforted when I found out that just because one person interprets an agreement in a particular way, it doesn't mean that is the legal definition. So rather than just worry, go find out where you stand and what your rights (and your husband's rights) are.
post #26 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by aricha View Post
I am an information junkie, and especially a law junkie. Usually when I fear how a court will view something, I look into the laws of my state (at least, the state in which the legal concern is arising) and the cases that have been brought before the court in that state. More often than not, I am comforted by the answers I get. Some people practice "retail therapy"... my dad calls what I do "law therapy."

Just because the custody agreement says mom gets to make religious decisions for her child, it doesn't mean that a court will interpret that right or responsibility in the same way she does. While she may have the right to make religious decisions (such as whether or not he is baptised, whether or not he can attend services at another church or participate in certain religious ceremonies or celebrations), she is unlikely to have the right to impede on YOUR religious freedom, or even YOUR right to talk about your own religious beliefs.

I don't know what your state's custody laws are like, or the level of religious tolerence in your area, but I do know that I have often been comforted when I found out that just because one person interprets an agreement in a particular way, it doesn't mean that is the legal definition. So rather than just worry, go find out where you stand and what your rights (and your husband's rights) are.
I do the same thing. I even contacted a law firm about this and they said the SAME thing you just told me. I told her in an e-mail exactly what they told me. Know what she did? Refused to let my step-son see me before he started school after we had agreed to it. My DH was in Iraq at the time. She didn't even tell us his 1st day of school, I found it on the district's website. She just doesn't care and she completely ignores it.
post #27 of 30
How could she refuse visitation, if it's court-ordered? Isn't that an obstruction of some sort? (Sorry, I am not a law junkie, though I sometimes wish I was).
I do remember when you were having trouble getting to see him. How heartbreaking.
post #28 of 30
Quote:
How could she refuse visitation, if it's court-ordered? Isn't that an obstruction of some sort? (Sorry, I am not a law junkie, though I sometimes wish I was).
I took it to be that the other part of the family was considering going to court to CHANGE the legal establish vistations.
post #29 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
That is all fine and dandy, if you actually believe in god. Your view in it'self is fostering a a spirit of intolerance... to quote yourself.


:
:

Truly sorry that my use of the word God offended. But, don't assume you know what my beliefs are.
post #30 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pam_and_Abigail View Post
How could she refuse visitation, if it's court-ordered? Isn't that an obstruction of some sort? (Sorry, I am not a law junkie, though I sometimes wish I was).
I do remember when you were having trouble getting to see him. How heartbreaking.
I am not part of the court order so she can refuse me all she wants. This was while my husband was in Iraq. DSS had no contact with our side of the family except for my calling every other day and only when I could get ahold of them.

She also refuses to rework the parenting plan so my DH can have more time with him because she thinks all we want to do is "fun things" with DSS. That they want to do things as a family to, and that he won't get as much Church time in, not that he goes often now. She won't even let my husband have time during the summer.

Its very contentious. DH gets screaming phone calls quiet frequently and somehow I am always dragged through the mud. I am the scapegoat now because I practice and alternative religion. She refers to is as "witchery" all the time and quiet frankly that just speaks to her ignorance regarding my religion.
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