dinnertime dilema - can I get some opinions on this?

[mamalita]

Hello all! Hope everyone is having a marvelous weekend. I have a slight dilema - nothing heavy duty, but I'd love the opinion of some more experienced parents if possible. DS is 13.5 months, wonderful and fairly spirited. He hates the highchair and also is not to keen on sitting on my lap to eat. I usually follow him around offering him food - hoping that it will help the every-two-hour-waking at night (it hasn't : ) Anyway, since he still needs constant one-on-one time and still prefers mostly mom (and not DH) we usually feed DS and then DH makes dinner for the two of us while I parent DS to bed. This makes for quite a late dinner time for DH and me and then we usually head to bed not long after dinner. I feel like I often get nothing done and dislike going to bed so close to eating. I feel like it would be rude (of us) for DH and I to try to sit and eat while DS toddles around. And again, since he's so young, one of us needs to be with him so dinner would be pretty disrupted anyway. I'd love a more *normal* family dinner but don't know how to make it happen. I'd also like to model good food habits (ie: cooking and enjoying healthful good food) for DS but feel like I'm stumped as far as ideas. I feel like he's a bit too spirited to participate in any cooking/prep yet. Any suggestions?

[FreeRangeMama]

Spirited kids can do remarkably well in the food prep, mine started at 11 months (as soon as he could stand well and was tall enough to stand on a crate at the counter). He loved to stir or to splash things in a sink of water. I learned to accept a higher level of mess, but the trade off was worth it. Aside from that, what worked for ds was to allow him to eat where ever he chose. He ate in his wagon, in the stroller (he hardly ever sat in it for any other reason LOL), in a sled, etc and we would serve him dinner there. Whatever the venue of choice, we would just move it to where we were eating and he would sit happily. He loved having a choice as to where he ate and it was fun for him to eat in these places. On days he didn't want to sit we would just let him do what he wanted. We have a tiny house, so he was never far away, and of course dinner was (and still is) very disrupted, but that is just a fact of eating with children around! We are pretty relaxed about mess and clutter though so having toys throughout every room wasn't a big deal to us. If eating with dh and eating earlier are a priority for your family then it might just take some creative thinking to make it work for everyone. (maybe he could sit with you while you ate with some special "dinner time toys" or color in his high chair). Also, with a spirited child a healthy dose of patience will go a long way

Good luck.

Laurie

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Have you considered a youth chair at the dining room table, then having a "family dinner", at least for the first 5 minutes or so? This worked (more-or-less) for us by the time our son was about a year old. I made 1 dinner, but made sure that at least part of it had child appeal and could be cut into little pieces. DS sat in a youth chair (like a regular chair but higher -- we bought ours "unfinished" at a furniture store. Regular chair with booster would work as well). All three of us sat down and ate dinner. DS got up when he was done and could then play in the dining or livining room until we were done with our dinner.

Now that we have a 6 mo. old infant, we all sit down together, with baby in high chair. She gets a sippy cup of water to play with (never drinks much) and a teething biscut while we eat our dinner. Once we're done eating, then she gets her dinner. So we are still having a family dinner, which I think is really important for a child's social development and for family cohesion. Plus, that make the evening that much more streamlined and leaves time for baths, bedtime and some playtime too.

[Lucky Charm]

I would start by not following him around feeding him.

i would encourage him that he eats at the table (whether he sits or stands is up to you). i mean, do we walk around eating pork chops and mashed potatoes?

whatever you make him....serve it at the table, and have him eat it there. I have three kids, and have not followed them around to eat, and both boys are very spirited. it was just a given that we ate at the table. period. even when they were little and would eat earlier (my husband gets home late) they would sit in their high chair or booster at the table. now some kids cant sit through a 5 course dinner, and certainly i wouldnt expect him to sit while we lingered and chatted over a glass of wine, but we always sat together as a family for dinner.

[kama'aina mama]

I would second the family dinner idea. My daughter was always at the table with us when we ate... often attached to me at the nipple. Then we progressed to papa holding her while he ate. When she could sit up we gave her a chair of her own. When she was interested in food we gave her some. But she wants to be at the table because that is where we are. I'm not surprised that your son isn't excited about his solitary meals. Who would be?

[delphine]

We make sure to have a "family dinner" as well. I will tell you what worked for us. We stopped using the high chair and got a booster seat for ds. then we could pull him right up to the table. He really liked that (we started it when he was about 13 months). He sits much better in a regular chair than in a high chair.

[Piglet68]

When my 13 month old was younger, we ate in "shifts". DH is the cook, and he would serve me my dinner while he looked after DD. I'd gobble it down and then take her while he ate.

When she started eating in earnest, we put her in a high chair while we eat. She just eats whatever we are eating. Right now she's really into feeding herself, but she'll also accept food from my chopsticks quite readily. When she's in the mood to eat, we can actually all eat together and it's a nice change from the old days!

But there are days when she doesn't want to eat, so I try to give her a special toy or something she isn't usually allowed to have, to keep her occupied long enough for me to eat my dinner. And if she really won't have it, one of us will eat in a hurry and take her, lol.

B/c DD is still breastfed, I really don't care if she skips dinner. I don't have the energy or the inclination to follow her around with food. If she doesn't eat when we eat (and considering how much I snack each day, she gets food offered fairly often, lol) then she doesn't eat that day. It's not at all a discipline thing, it's just a pain to make her stuff and have her not eat it. It's much easier to just offer her what we eat, and since she nurses alot I don't worry about her being hungry.

[CurlyTop]

Thanks for this posting

My 15 month old dds are the same way. They have booster seats and sit at the kitchen table with us. They won't stay sitting, though! DD#1 is thin enough to "houdini" out of the lap belt and DD#2 "has to" stand up when she sees her sis standing in her chair. This is all very comical, except that we don't know what to do! They have great balance and haven't fallen out of their seats, but I worry that they will fall onto the tile floor. Once they get down on the ground, they actually eat MORE food - grab a bite and run around, come back for more. I've heard it's a choking hazard and a bad habit. Well, What would you do??