a different twist on the socialization issue

[thistle]

I am not at all worried about dd not socializing if we decide to HS. She is a friendly, outgoing toddler and I expect she'll stay that way. There is a big active HS community in my area.

What I AM concerned about is me. I am not friendly or chatty. I don't do well in groups. I don't make friends easliy.

Can I provide dd with adequate social interaction without having to interact too much myself?

thistle

[miriam]

Are you a product of public schools? So much for socialization in school for you!

I am not very social either. I keep to myself, and I mind my own business. I do not think I am rude, but I just take care of myself and my own business.

I did not socialize much through secondary school and college because I worked - ALOT!

I prefer to sit at home, clean, read, go to a museum. When my children did go to school, I tried to be a room mother and found it to be rewarding. When I homeschooled them, I found being a loner was an advantage since I could depend on myself and enjoy my children alone.

Is that helpful to you?

:

[Susana]

I'm not social either, but both of my hs kids are totally social. Sometimes I have to sit and listen to other people while the kids are playing, and that's fine. I never really offer too much about myself to others, but then no one really asks me questions about myself. That's fine by me.

Fortunately we do have 2 other hs families that we consider our good friends, so that is a real plus. They are our favorites to hang out with since we all have so much in common.

All in all, I say you can do this even if you aren't super social and your child is. I have been at it for 6 years now!

Good luck

[ShannonCC]

Re: a different twist on the socialization issue

Originally posted by thistle

Can I provide dd with adequate social interaction without having to interact too much myself?

:LOL You sound like me I'm not very social. My dd is a social butterfly who is also a homebody (she doesn't quite fit into one peg, yk?).

To answer your question : Um, sort of

My dd plays with plenty of kids at playgrounds. I mostly smile and try to ignore the other parents. But sometimes there are parents who strike up a conversation and it would be downright rude to not talk, so we chat a bit. It's not so bad really. I haven't made any friends that way, but it hasn't killed me either.

We have also gone to other things (local kids science museum homeschool day, a show at a nature center, the zoo, etc) and my dd interacts with other kids while I usually manage to not interact with other adults.

I sound like a snob but I'm NOT, I just don't usually feel like chatting with random people, yk? It stresses me to have to have conversations with strangers. I'm pretty shy. I am fine with brief small talk with cashiers and such, but if I have to have a CONVERSATION with someone I don't know I get butterflies in my stomach. And the social anxiety gets worse in crowds (a crowd being more than 3 people :LOL)

The best thing I did was to find individual friends who are homeschoolers. I don't like large groups but I really enjoy hanging out with 1 or 2 of my homeschool mom friends and their kids. Sometimes we go on outings but often it's just hanging out at someone's house.

And I'm a product of public school :LOL I don't think that was the reason I'm shy though. I think some of it is hardwiring and maybe some is environment, I don't know. I do know that my version of Hell was having to stand in front of the class and give oral reports

[hslingmomof4]

Awe! I feel for you. I am that way too. For me, I think I am better off keeping my mouth shut so that my children can become friends with others. I do freeze up in social events. The odd thing is that I have a speech communication degree and 2 yrs of law school. I can give a speech and debate wonderfully. For the past ten years, I gave presentations and was in a mgmt. position. The odd thing is , I can't be that way outside of my professional career. I am really guarded. I'm afraid I wont be liked. My dh is my bestfriend and my children are my life. I chose this b/c my mother was the complete opposite and I had to do rebellious actions just to get her attn. 80's child here! LOL

Don't feel bad, I dont want to socialize and even when my kids were in school, I avoided pto/pta meetings.

[stafl]

I joined a homeschool group, and a local AP playgroup for that same reason. DD is the social butterfly, and I didn't want to stifle that trait in her personality. I've always pretty much kept to myself. I have always had about one or two really close female friends, and just couldn't (or wouldn't, DH would say) get along with all the rest.
But, that has changed! All of a sudden, it seems, since meeting other moms like me, I have been making more friends than ever before in my entire life!

[cottonwood]

I think so! My kids see family a lot (including cousins), and play with the neighborhood kids (which is quite enough peer interaction as far as I'm concerned), and hang out with mine and dh's friends. We go to the park too, and library, etc., where they meet and talk to kids and adults. That's more than enough for them to learn how to normally and comfortably interact in society. Once in a while I set up a playdate with other unschoolers, and while they always seem to enjoy themselves playing, they never express a desire to do it more often. Who they do express a desire to see is their grandparents and a few adult friends.

So why do I set up these playdates? Well, I have this feeling that we should work on being more a part of a community, and homeschooling seems like a good place to start. But I don't believe for one second that the kids *need* those playdates. And like you, I am not really good at sitting down with a stranger and acting like we are friends. I don't think most people are.

As an aside, as a child I was very social and out-going. At school I learned to be just the opposite. I mourn the loss of my childhood self and am pretty bitter that school beat it out of me. So when the issue of socialization comes up, I always offer that as an example of why I think my kids will be better socialized, that is in a more beneficial way, if they do not go to school. I don't want them to lose their spark, their confidence, their friendliness!

[ShannonCC]

Originally posted by blueviolet
Once in a while I set up a playdate with other unschoolers, and while they always seem to enjoy themselves playing, they never express a desire to do it more often. Who they do express a desire to see is their grandparents and a few adult friends.

Huh. My kid too. She has a few times requested to play with certain friends. Most of the time though, she asks to play with my mom. She always wants Grandma to come over or to go to her house. Grandma is on the way over right now to cheer up her sick granddaughter. I guess there's no competing with a cool Grandma

[cottonwood]

I used to think it was important to have lots and lots of friends or at least interaction with lots and lots of people on a regular basis, especially of my own age group. I really cannot figure out where this weird idea came from, unless I just assumed it from being around lots and lots of people of my same age for a long time, but in any case I know that a lot of adults share it, if not for themselves then at least for their kids.

But eventually, somehow, I realized what a crock that is. I have had a smattering of close friends in my lifetime, and that is the way I prefer it, and I also believe now that it is not only okay but good to be that way.

I also believe it's possible to have valuable relationships outside of school. If it weren't, I'd be in serious social trouble for the 3/4 of my life that I'm not going to spend in school.