Friends of mine have encouraged me to post here about my issues in the hopes of finding some sort of... I don't know. At this point it would take a magical solution that I don't know about yet.
I like to think of myself as a rational, logical person. When the question came up of circ or no circ, I read a little and quickly decided there was no need to do so. I am not a fan of ANY kind of surgeries or treatments that are not medically necessary, and the thought of cutting off a piece of my son's PENIS makes me literally queasy.
But my husband... oh my husband. First of all, he's circed. All his brothers are circed. We live in New England (which has some of the highest circ rates in the country) so almost everyone he knows is circed. He grew up in a time where an uncirced boy was made fun of horribly. In a time when uncirced penises were dirty and disgusting. My husband feels very VERY strongly about this. He reacted so horribly when I stated that I do not want to circumcise our son.
It has gotten very very BAD. We literally cannot speak about circumcision in the house anymore, as it ends up with me in tears, him angry, and us no closer to an agreement. He has been literally begging me to give him this one decision, he says he'll do anything at all, go along with any other idea at all, if I will give him this one. And it's breaking my heart. See, crying again. I do not want to hurt my husband.
He has been really really wonderful. He's not the kind to really research things, he's certainly not earth-crunchy. But he's agreed to do cloth diapering (with prefolds!) and isn't put off by it. He wants to babywear (though he refuses to wear a wrap or a sling, lol). He's supportive of me breastfeeding, even though he thinks formula is a fine option (he knows how very important BFing is to me). We're doing Bradley classes because I want to have a natural birth and he insists on being as fully involved as possible (he got very upset when I suggested a doula, because he thought I wanted to replace him!)... his only caveat being I have to give birth in what is, in his opinion, the BEST hospital in the area. (Something I am okay with.) I just want you to understand that my husband is a WONDERFUL man, very very giving, very very supportive, very willing to give me almost anything I want.
But the idea of not circing his boy FREAKS HIM OUT. I have read all sorts of research to him and it has only upset him further. He says smegma is disgusting and there is nothing I can say that will change his mind, even though I know it is a perfectly normal thing and easy to keep clean, just like my girly bits (which he does not find disgusting, btw). He is circed, like I said, and he likes him how he is. He thinks that's how penises SHOULD be, and he is thoroughly repulsed by non-circed penises (we spent one evening looking up info and photos online).
I just don't know what to do anymore. His opinion is not based on any kind of logic or reasoning, so all the research I have only goes so far. He has this huge gut-instinct reaction and nothing I say or do seems to make a dent in it.
He has expressed to me great sadness that I am the one who makes the final decision... because he knows as well as I do that the hospital won't do a thing without both our signatures. (And he'd never go ahead and do something behind my back.)
I do not WANT it to come down to me simply refusing to sign the papers. I do not WANT to spend the days after our son's birth with my husband resenting me for this. But what else can I do? What else can I say? Either way I feel like I'm letting someone down. There doesn't seem to be any good answer. Unless my husband miraculously changes his mind... but at this point, after so many arguments... I just don't see how that's going to happen.
Any help greatly appreciated...
I like to think of myself as a rational, logical person. When the question came up of circ or no circ, I read a little and quickly decided there was no need to do so. I am not a fan of ANY kind of surgeries or treatments that are not medically necessary, and the thought of cutting off a piece of my son's PENIS makes me literally queasy.
But my husband... oh my husband. First of all, he's circed. All his brothers are circed. We live in New England (which has some of the highest circ rates in the country) so almost everyone he knows is circed. He grew up in a time where an uncirced boy was made fun of horribly. In a time when uncirced penises were dirty and disgusting. My husband feels very VERY strongly about this. He reacted so horribly when I stated that I do not want to circumcise our son.
It has gotten very very BAD. We literally cannot speak about circumcision in the house anymore, as it ends up with me in tears, him angry, and us no closer to an agreement. He has been literally begging me to give him this one decision, he says he'll do anything at all, go along with any other idea at all, if I will give him this one. And it's breaking my heart. See, crying again. I do not want to hurt my husband.
He has been really really wonderful. He's not the kind to really research things, he's certainly not earth-crunchy. But he's agreed to do cloth diapering (with prefolds!) and isn't put off by it. He wants to babywear (though he refuses to wear a wrap or a sling, lol). He's supportive of me breastfeeding, even though he thinks formula is a fine option (he knows how very important BFing is to me). We're doing Bradley classes because I want to have a natural birth and he insists on being as fully involved as possible (he got very upset when I suggested a doula, because he thought I wanted to replace him!)... his only caveat being I have to give birth in what is, in his opinion, the BEST hospital in the area. (Something I am okay with.) I just want you to understand that my husband is a WONDERFUL man, very very giving, very very supportive, very willing to give me almost anything I want.
But the idea of not circing his boy FREAKS HIM OUT. I have read all sorts of research to him and it has only upset him further. He says smegma is disgusting and there is nothing I can say that will change his mind, even though I know it is a perfectly normal thing and easy to keep clean, just like my girly bits (which he does not find disgusting, btw). He is circed, like I said, and he likes him how he is. He thinks that's how penises SHOULD be, and he is thoroughly repulsed by non-circed penises (we spent one evening looking up info and photos online).
I just don't know what to do anymore. His opinion is not based on any kind of logic or reasoning, so all the research I have only goes so far. He has this huge gut-instinct reaction and nothing I say or do seems to make a dent in it.
He has expressed to me great sadness that I am the one who makes the final decision... because he knows as well as I do that the hospital won't do a thing without both our signatures. (And he'd never go ahead and do something behind my back.)
I do not WANT it to come down to me simply refusing to sign the papers. I do not WANT to spend the days after our son's birth with my husband resenting me for this. But what else can I do? What else can I say? Either way I feel like I'm letting someone down. There doesn't seem to be any good answer. Unless my husband miraculously changes his mind... but at this point, after so many arguments... I just don't see how that's going to happen.
Any help greatly appreciated...
I am so sorry you are going through this. Many of the mama's here have dealt with similar issues including myself.
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I will keep repeating myself. It hurts me to see him so angry, but I do think it will hurt me a lot more to see my son circ'ed! I really really hope someday he gets it.
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