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Originally Posted by +stella+
 doh sorry, i thought i had posted to you here before and ya knew it was me, lol. I should link you to that post, I was thinking of not doing it and you said something like, "if its not broke, dont fix it" or "as nature intended it to be" or something. i should look it up. was a long time ago, when i used to post some.
didnt mean to freak ya out. |
(I have several friends who I know are on MDC.)
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Originally Posted by ctdoula
I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. I just wanted to give you one piece of info. I teach childbirth classes in MA (Baystate Medical Ctr) and the circ rate there is about 50%. Not great, but definatly not the majority (obviously). You can get the rates at any hospital in MA by law. Knowing that it's not the majority anymore and that either way he'll have friends that are the same may help.
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Originally Posted by lunarmagic
Another thing my hubby said to me in arguments... which REALLY frustrated me... is, "I don't get why this is such a big deal to you, you're not a male, you don't have a penis. I do." Like he KNOWS how his son is going to feel about his own penis. I agree that he's a male so he sort of has a better understanding of what penises feel like and all that, but sheesh.
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Originally Posted by areseepee
all you or he has to do is go on www.youtube.com and watch a circumcision video. It makes me want to drop to my knees and cry just thinking about it. It needs to be stopped but parents cling to ignorance because it's so painful to admit that it's horrible. At some point you have to have the courage to break the cycle of mutilation and protect the future generations.
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Originally Posted by veganf
Yeah that. I know intact adults in New England as well. It's definitely not as popular around here as you seem to think.
My husband is circ'd but all 3 of our boys are intact. I think once he sees his perfect son that he will not be so "repulsed" by a normal penis. At least I hope. |
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Originally Posted by veganf
This is such a silly argument for a heterosexual male to make. In all reality a woman is going to have much more experiences with penises than a man, who usually only has experience with his own.
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Originally Posted by Sheacoby
It isn't about your dh though. It's not his penis you are talking about. I think the fact he is begging you to cut off part of your son's body shows how deeply circumcision wounds. His ego is way too wrapped up in his son being cut like him and I think that's a protective response for a lot of circumcised men. If it's done to their sons as well then they don't have to think about it, ya know. I wish your dh could take several steps back and realize it isn't about him or his penis ect. I am saying this with a compassionate tone, not snarky at all (I know it can be hard to tell).
If it does come down to it I hope you will protect your son because he can't protect himself. A baby's body parts should never be sacrificed for marital harmony. |
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Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri
Your husband is trying to force you to make (what you know is) a bad decision for your son; and he's so un-informed that the only path he can take to try and get you to agree; is to throw a tantrum over it. He needs to re-evaluate the way he's going about this subject; because this is a bad way to start parenting a helpless child. Your son needs his parents protection, and that starts with making informed choices.
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Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri
[COLOR=royalblue]I think you need to tell him that you want to come to a conclusion together, but that he's given you no solid reason in favor of circumcision
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Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri
Circumcision is not something that can be undone.
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Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri
Perhaps it would help if you "talked" it out through writing. You could email (?) back and forth about it so you both have time to re-read what you write before you send it; to keep a smooth and productive discussion going.
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Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri
I'm pretty good for putting together information about this with links and stuff (click here to read my latest response on anti-circumcision. It's the quoted section), so if you want me to do that for you, PM me and I'll send you something for him to read to get the ball rolling.
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Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri
I'm sorry this has been difficult for you, but sometimes as a parent you have to walk a hard line. This won't be the first time you disagree, and if he won't work with you productively; then you'll just have to stand your ground.
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Originally Posted by rabbitmum
I'm always so baffled to read these threads. Coming from a country where nobody circs, it is strange to see how you mothers have to collect lots and lots of arguments for NOT cirumcising your sons. I can't see that it's anything to argue about, as there is absolutely no reason why you should circ in the first place. He's the one who should be looking for arguments FOR circing, not the other way around!
Circumcision is completely destructive and unneccesary. If everything goes well, your son will first go through lots of completely pointless and incomprehensible pain, then end up with a smaller, less sensitive penis than nature intended. And that is if it goes well! - there are no benefits at all, and it might just not go well, in which case he gets double the pain and an even more ruined penis and sex life. (I'm sorry if you think it's too harsh to say that circing ruins the sex life of your sons, but as the foreskin is a really important part of the penis and very useful in sexual stimulation both in masturbation and intercourse, I can't see it any other way.) I would rather leave my husband than let him harm my son, especially in a way that is extremely painful and can't EVER be rectified. I think you should just say NO. That's all you need to do to protect your baby from the insane cultural practice that circumcision is. Your son will be happy that you did! |
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Originally Posted by 2crazykids
I don't know if this point has been brought up but...
It seems odd to me that a man would want to put his very speacial baby in danger of infection, botched penis, or even death after trying so hard to get pregnant in the first place. IVF and all the emotional roller coasters that go along with the whole process would make me want to treat this baby extra careful. Maybe that's just me... FWIW my DH is almost 40 and is intact. He has never, ever had an issue with being made fun of about his penis. No other young man even peeked at his penis in the gym as far as he knows certainly no body has said anything. Sex is amazing and I have never seen a touch of anything yucky on him. And we grew up in CT and all around New England...Your DH's arguments has many, many holes in it. Just say no and stop talking about it. He'll get over it. The love he has for his perfect baby will trump any thoughts of hacking is penis all up. |
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Originally Posted by wednesday
I think your husband will get used to it. There honestly is nothing gross or yucky about a baby boy's intact penis. My son is 4 and I have never seen anything I would call "smegma". He gets regular baths and that's it, there is absolutely no special care or attention needed.
You can also tell your husband that your son can decide for himself when he is older, and when he can have appropriate pain relief during and after the procedure, and when he won't be peeing/pooping all over the wound. My nephew was circ'ed at age 12 (for dubious reasons, unfortunately) but it was apparently pretty minor and he healed quickly and it just was not the big deal it's made out to be, to be circed later than infancy. That may be the best argument to make to your husband for now, that it really is possible and perhaps even preferable to delay the procedure. Then hopefully over time when he sees how normal the intact penis is, he'll just be used to it and realize it is really not such a big deal. |
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Originally Posted by Sijae
I really think you need to screw up your courage and watch the circ videos with him. Sit him down and turn them on. I think you should watch the Prepuce video from DOC (so he knows what the foreskin really is) and both gomco and plastibel procedures with sound so he can hear how the baby shrieks in agony with every step, every snip of the scissors. It's nauseating and makes me shake but I've watched them because it's good to know really what it is so you can argue against it and so you can show people how you have been effected just by watching. Most people just don't know what the foreskin is and how they take it off.
Laura |
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Originally Posted by l_olive
What would happen if you tried to turn your dh's arguments around? Have him imagine what it would feel like to him if you were having a girl and said something like, "I think natural vulvas are disgusting and dirty, and I would like to have our newborn daughter's labia surgically trimmed so that she can be cleaner and have a really cute vulva. Oh, it's no big deal that she gets no pain relief during or after the cutting and that we have to pull the scar tissue apart daily to keep her vulva from closing up -- it's all just part of 'what you have to do' to have a cute and tidy vulva!"
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Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri
Your husband is trying to force you to make (what you know is) a bad decision for your son; and he's so un-informed that the only path he can take to try and get you to agree; is to throw a tantrum over it. He needs to re-evaluate the way he's going about this subject; because this is a bad way to start parenting a helpless child. Your son needs his parents protection, and that starts with making informed choices.
I think you need to tell him that you want to come to a conclusion together, but that he's given you no solid reason in favor of circumcision. Simply stating that "everyone else is circ'd here" would be grounds for a response like "if it's that important to you that he fits in based on his penis, then we'll move to a different state". If he is unwilling to listen objectively; to put forth his pro-circ reasons properly and have a discussion about it; and to really put weight into the information you give him too; then you need to simply say "sorry if it upsets you, but I'm not giving my consent in this." Circumcision is not something that can be undone. Perhaps it would help if you "talked" it out through writing. You could email (?) back and forth about it so you both have time to re-read what you write before you send it; to keep a smooth and productive discussion going. I'm pretty good for putting together information about this with links and stuff (click here to read my latest response on anti-circumcision. It's the quoted section), so if you want me to do that for you, PM me and I'll send you something for him to read to get the ball rolling. I'm sorry this has been difficult for you, but sometimes as a parent you have to walk a hard line. This won't be the first time you disagree, and if he won't work with you productively; then you'll just have to stand your ground. |
| Circumcision puts the patient at risk of surgical mishap, adhesions, meatitis, meatal ulceration, infections, bleeding, and even death. The recent fast spread of MRSA in the US. is an example. Circumcision exposes the infant to risk of exposure to MRSA and other antibiotic resistent bacteria. While MRSA and other Antibiotic resistent bacteria can be spread by skin contact, they become ever more dangerous if they enter through a cut or open wound. Some recently circumcised boys have died from MRSA when their bodies did not respond to anti-biotic treatment. Others required treatment with the most recent experimental antibiotics. One boy who recently recovered now has an enlarged heart; that will cause lifetime consequences for him. The most recent statistics indicate that in 2007, more persons have died from MRSA in the US than from AIDS. |
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Originally Posted by lunarmagic
Well, my DH would disagree that circing ruins a man's sex life, lol.
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Originally Posted by lunarmagic
No.... mostly because I can't bear to watch. :/ |
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Originally Posted by Night_Nurse
Maybe if you kindly put your foot down and say it's no longer open for discussion your dh will have time to work through whatever issues he has with it before the baby comes and therefore there won't be the tension over it at baby's birth.
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Originally Posted by Night_Nurse
[T]his would be a non-negotiable issue with my spouse. Frankly, I'd leave my husband before I'd consent to circumcise my son. Just as I would leave my husband if he tried to beat my children or harm me or them in anyway.
I'm accountable to my God and my children and anybody else can work through their own issues that they may have with me or leave, including my husband. I'd convey that I'm willing to compromise on other issues but absolutely not on cutting my son. And as far as him saying a natural penis is disgusting, what will he think if your child has a birth defect like a cleft palate or a huge birthmark covering his face? Will he be disgusted by that or will he still love your baby? I would hope he'd love and accept your child no matter what and since the intact penis is a natural body part he's born with, why would he want to subject your baby to pain and possible surgical complications? As someone who has witnessed circ too many times, please don't give in and allow your son to be cut just to appease your spouse. Maybe if you kindly put your foot down and say it's no longer open for discussion your dh will have time to work through whatever issues he has with it before the baby comes and therefore there won't be the tension over it at baby's birth. Good luck. Stress isn't good for a pregnant mama. I'm sorry you're going through this. Good thoughts are being sent your way! |
THAT WAS BRILLIANT!!! You have a good head on your shoulders Night_Nurse!!! 
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Originally Posted by Night_Nurse
Maybe if you kindly put your foot down and say it's no longer open for discussion your dh will have time to work through whatever issues he has with it before the baby comes and therefore there won't be the tension over it at baby's birth.
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