or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Newly single: when did you stop wearing your wedding ring?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Newly single: when did you stop wearing your wedding ring?

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
On Thursday I found out that my husband was guilty of what I'll call "infidelity with aggravating circumstances," so, with the support of my church, family, and friends, I kicked him out. Now I'm trying to adjust to this new reality which is life on my own as a single mama with two young children.

I keep looking at this ring on my finger and wondering what I should do with it. I know that it's a symbol of a commitment and relationship that is now over, but I'm still technically married and will be till the divorce goes through in a couple of months, so part of me thinks I should keep it on till then....I know this is probably a matter of "do what feels right," but I'm not sure how I feel about it right now.

SOOOOO.....just out of curiosity I guess, for those of you who are divorced, when did you stop wearing your ring, and what was your thought process at that time?
post #2 of 35
I stopped wearing mine after a few months. A very close friend (actually someone that I had dated in the past and remained friends with) mentioned it to me and asked why I was still wearing it. It sort of hit me like a ton of bricks that it was indeed over with and that I no longer needed or wanted a symbol of something that was such a mistake (in my case the whole marriage was a pretty big mistake). So, I took it off and threw it in the center console of the car. It's still in there and I think that this week I might take it and sell it. I won't get much for it, but since I no longer want it, maybe I can at least buy something for the kids with the money.
post #3 of 35
I stopped wearing it the day I heard the word "prostitutes."
post #4 of 35
I stopped wearing mine right after I told him that it was over.
post #5 of 35
Thread Starter 
Hmmm, I think I'm going to take it off for half an hour and see how I feel without it. I haven't been without it in 4 1/2 years, so I think I will feel kind of naked. Keep the stories coming ladies, I would love to hear more.
post #6 of 35
I stopped wearing mine about two weeks after I left. I asked my mom when she stopped wearing hers and she said when she thought the marriage was beyond saving. I was pretty shocked to discover that according to her this was about two years before she divorced which would mean before I was conceived I think so that may be some history being rewritten which my mom is queen at. But so I went and got it cut off my finger. I kept wearing it if I was going to be around the ILs but otherwise I didn't wear it. I stopped completely after a disasterous attempt at counseling with stbx. And yes it did feel odd not to wear it after 7 years. I was constantly going to rub it with my thumb and not finding it there. But it doesn't take long to get used to it.
post #7 of 35
He took his off the day we said "okay, yeah, this isn't working, let's cut our losses." (We had no kids together.)

I took mine off when we filed (a few weeks later).
post #8 of 35
I removed mine when I found out that he was seeing another woman and had taken off his ring.
post #9 of 35
I took mine off pretty much as soon as I knew it was over.

He kept wearing his for YEARS, which really pissed me off, and then finally pawned it when he needed money for rent or crack or something. I paid for both wedding rings and my engagement ring. I kept my own rings (along with an anniversary ring he bought me which I could no longer wear) in a safe deposit box and gave the star sapphire and amethyst to dd for her 16th bithday. I'm pretty sure she lost them, but that's okay because she enjoyed wearing them and they really weren't worth more than $200 apeice. The wire thin wedding band isn't worth much money, but it will be ds's to sell or barter when he is 18.

I paid $500 for the men's wedding band and am still a bit miffed that the children didn't get the ring or proceeds from its sale.

If your hand still feels weird and uncomfortable without the wedding band, maybe you could buy another ring (it doesn't have to be expensive) to celebrate yourself or yourself as a mama? My mother did this, many years after the fact, and now we wear matching claddagh rings that are every bit as meaningful to me as any wedding ring could be.

My children get theirs when I can afford them, and in the littlest one's case, whenever in his/her late teens that I feel s/he is responsible enough.
post #10 of 35
Thread Starter 
I never did have an engagement ring, just an inexpensive white gold wedding band, but I really liked that ring. I took it off a few hours ago, and I've come to realize that I miss it not because of the relationship it symbolized, but because what it said about ME...it said "I'm married; I'm a committed and faithful wife." I was proud of my role as a wife and mom, and the ring symbolized that for me.

The ex lost two wedding rings within the first few months of being married, and never replaced it after that. So he hasn't worn one for years.

Another thing I liked about the ring was this: it was at least semi-effective at keeping random annoying guys from hitting on me. I almost feel like taking it off says "I'm available," which I'm not and won't be any time soon.
post #11 of 35
I had one of those marriages that was dead long before I pulled the trigger. I lived in Manhatten in 2002, and I don't know if any of you remember the huge blackout that affected a lot of the Northeast/Midwest? I had to walk almost halfway home. It took hours and I was really out of shape. My hands and feet swelled so much I thought I was going to have to have an amputation. It was scary. My ring was digging into my finger, and it was killing me. It took forever to get it off, but I finally did. I never once put it on again, even though I didn't get him out until this March. He kept wearing his, even though he cheated on me at least twice that I know of.
post #12 of 35
i took mine off right before i got divorced and then i had another beautiful ring made from it, which i wear to this day on my right hand.
post #13 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
He kept wearing his for YEARS, which really pissed me off, and then finally pawned it
Same here. Well not years but quite a while and it bugged me because it felt like it wasn't true and would be confusing to the kids. After the hearing that gave me sole custody he got his ring cut off his finger and sold it on the spot.
post #14 of 35
A few days after I asked him for a divorce.

Stbx's & my wedding rings were originally his mom's and dad's (his dad passed away & his mom is remarried). So I knew that she would want it back & I had no issue with that.
post #15 of 35
Thread Starter 
Well I took the ring off yesterday as an experiment and I guess it is off to stay. The funny thing is, I had no idea how often I played with that thing until it was gone from my finger! Oh well, I guess I'll get used to it eventually. A couple of times I've spotted it on top of the entertainment center and for a fraction of a second I think "Oh there's my ring, it belongs on my finger," and I start to reach for it; then I remember.

I can't decide if I should hang on to the thing or sell it. It wasn't an expensive ring so I doubt I would get much for it, but I think things are about to get really tight financially, so maybe even a few dollars would help.

I'm appreciating the stories. Sounds like most of you were pretty quick to take it off and move on.
post #16 of 35
I got left my DH a month after we got married because he was abusive. I cut off all contact & moved to a different state & still couldn't bring myself to take off my ring. (I was also pregnant at the time, and people would give me "looks" because I look young). Finally one day when I was about 8 months along, i looked at my son's u/s pics and looked at the ring and really thought about all the hurtful things it had come to stand for (including almost losing my baby) and I just took it off. Then I got in the shower and cried hysterically for 45 minutes...I had to let go of what it had meant to me and accept my new situation in life. I think that point comes at a different time for everyone.
post #17 of 35
I took mine off yesterday after the worst xmas day of my life
post #18 of 35
I stopped wearing my engagement ring (hadn't gotten married) moments before I walked out of our apartment with all our things and ds while ex was at work (left the ring on the counter with a note explaining everything).

Last I heard he gave the ring to another girl (proposed with the same ring... how tacky!) who turned out to be all wrong for her (or maybe they really are right for each other...). She used him, lied to him, hurt him pretty bad. I never did hear whether he got the ring back or not.
post #19 of 35
I took mine off about four months before I moved out. It was sort of a test for me, I think - to see how I felt about it.

He asked for it back, but I left it in "his house" with all the rest of my belongings, so I told him good luck finding it. Maybe it'll show up when I see my stuff (if that ever happens). I don't care about it - that's for sure. He can have it, it really means so little. He never even really proposed - he threw it at me in a fight - that's how he gave it to me.
post #20 of 35
I quit wearing mine the day I saw my husband's text messages to and from a family friend, the last woman I thought I could trust him with. I knew then it was over for good.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Newly single: when did you stop wearing your wedding ring?