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How old is too old to have another babY? - Page 3

post #41 of 91
Thread Starter 
DH would rather adopt because he doesn't want to parent a newborn again. He's not entirely against having another child in our family, despite our financial issues, although I am pretty sure he doesn't want to do that right now. Also, his two brothers are adoped, as well as his nephew, so I think he just sees it as a good thing to do.
post #42 of 91
I had my first at 25, my second at 37 and my third at 43, so I don't think you're too old at all. I'm now at the age where I would hesitate to have another because of risks to the health of the baby. But, if I *happened* to turn up pregnant, I'd be psyched. If there were no increased risks associated with age, I'd have no problem having a child at my age. I don't worry at all about having a teenager when I'm in my 50s or so.
post #43 of 91
I had my first when I was 35 (almost 36), and my second when I was 40 (almost 41). Now I'm 43 and would love another. We'll see what happens!

I agree with the pp who said that "too old" is when your body's no longer able to get pregnant -- so that'll be the deciding factor for me.

I also agree with the pp who said to beware of those in the medical system who are just itching to label later-in-life pregnancies as "high risk." I think a big part of the motivation for that is financial -- maybe because my experience with my first pregnancy was that medical interventions "just in case," led to increased complications, which led to a bigger bill.

When I got pregnant for the second time at 40, I was determined to stay out of the medical system if at all possible. I started seeing a midwife in the last trimester, and everything went great. Baby even arrived a few minutes before our midwife did; dh and a couple of friends were there for support, so I can't say we went completely unassisted.

If I'm blessed to get pregnant again, I'll definitely stay away from doctors unless I feel strong indications that I need some medical intervention. It's just better, at any age, to assume things are normal because they usually are.

A friend my age just had a baby under Medicaid, and she said she had to have all of the tests for Down Syndrome in order to keep the Medicaid. Because of her age and her number of pregnancies (this was her 10th), she had to have every. single. test. there was for pregnant women. It was crazy!

Still, it all ended up with a healthy mom and a healthy baby. She really felt hospital was the right choice for her, so she just buckled down and submitted to all the procedures. Her call to make, not mine. I just encourage people to think about what they're entering into, if they go the medical route for pregnancy at any age ... especially past 40.
post #44 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd View Post
DH would rather adopt because he doesn't want to parent a newborn again. He's not entirely against having another child in our family, despite our financial issues, although I am pretty sure he doesn't want to do that right now. Also, his two brothers are adoped, as well as his nephew, so I think he just sees it as a good thing to do.
It IS an awesome thing to do! I just think that to adopt because you don't want to parent a newborn again could be setting oneself up for some serious shock. The newborn stage is pretty short, really. An adopted child doesn't just blend into a new family -- having a new child of any age in the household really isn't unlike having a newborn in the house. There are still going to be struggles to communicate, sleep struggles (and night waking), etc. How much of any of this you deal with personally depends on the particular child, her/his history, and your group chemistry, but you're not going to end up with less of an adjustment period by adopting.

And of course, as with conceiving and birthing a babe, you both have to be behind the adoption 100%. It kind of sounds like your dh doesn't really want to add another child, but if thinks that if you really want to, then adoption is his compromise. I would research both ends of the situation (pregnancy and birth at an "older" age, and adoption), and figure out where *you* really stand on it, and then talk to him again.
post #45 of 91
Quote:
A friend my age just had a baby under Medicaid, and she said she had to have all of the tests for Down Syndrome in order to keep the Medicaid. Because of her age and her number of pregnancies (this was her 10th), she had to have every. single. test. there was for pregnant women. It was crazy!
Not legal.

I had dd1 at 21, and dd 2 at 26. I'm 29, now, and I have so much to do! I want to go to school, clean up my credit, buy a nice house, and build a strong, long-term partnership with a wealthy, submissive fireman. I'd like to have more children in my mid-to-late thirties, provided I have the energy.

My 7 y/o goes to a fancy shmancy montessori school (we get financial aid). I'm one of the youngest moms in DD's class and I'm just in envy of the resources and calm that most of the older moms have.
post #46 of 91
My MIL had her FIRST baby when she was 37. She has 4 strong healthy boys, well, now they're men.

37 is DEFINITELY not too old.
post #47 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by honolula View Post
Not legal.
Not legal? For pregnant women to be required to follow all doctor recommendations in order to keep their Medicaid coverage?

I'd be interested if you can cite any sources showing that this isn't legal. This particular friend seems very knowledgeable about her rights in general, she's definitely not one to get intimidated into stuff, so it's surprising to hear she might have been deceived into thinking she "had" to submit to every recommended test in order to keep her coverage.
post #48 of 91
I gave birth at 32, 36 (ds born still), 37 and 39 (2 weeks before my 40th birthday). My stillbirth was not related to my age.

No plans for more, but at 45 I consider myself too tired, not too old.
post #49 of 91
I've had pregnancy Medicaid for all 3 of my kids and I NEVER had to have any of the tests the docs tried to push on me. My kids also have Medicaid and I never had any trouble w/ that even w/ ds3 being unvaccinated.
post #50 of 91
Well, my MIL had DH when she was 40. He turned out wonderfully, I must say. And my SIL (DH's sister) had DD1 when she was 41. She had a rough pregnancy and decided they were fortunate just to have one. So BIL had the operation done. And, 4 years later, DS was born. Surprise! She had an easy pregnancy and the kid, so far, is much happier and healthier than her first. So 45 is clearly not too old.
post #51 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendy1221 View Post
I've had pregnancy Medicaid for all 3 of my kids and I NEVER had to have any of the tests the docs tried to push on me. My kids also have Medicaid and I never had any trouble w/ that even w/ ds3 being unvaccinated.
My kids have Medicaid, too, and, like you, I've never had any trouble over not vaccinating.

Do you think maybe your younger age might've helped you with being able to decline some tests?

I've personally never had Medicaid for a pregnancy, though if my homebirth hadn't worked out with my second, I would've gone to the hospital and applied for Medicaid after the fact.

I'd heard (from at least 2 people) that applying for Medicaid in the third trimester of my pregnancy would set some really unwelcome processes in motion. Since I didn't apply, I never found out firsthand. My friends just advised me that it'd be less complicated to stay out of the system at that point, and apply after the fact if I needed to.

Don't want to turn this into a Medicaid thread.
post #52 of 91
Thread Starter 
theatremom, you are right on with your post.

This thread has really helped clarify things for me. Thanks everyone for your input. I think we are probably done having babies. I am just having a hard time shutting the door on that part of my life.
post #53 of 91
I'm 45, ds was born when I was almost 39. Much is easier now than it would have been younger (financially, emotionally, mentally), except physically keeping up with all of his energy!!

MY sleep need was the critical concern about adding another. We are happily done birthing. But, I'm certainly open to having babies in our lives and there are many ways to invite them without birthing.


Pat
post #54 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd View Post
theatremom, you are right on with your post.

This thread has really helped clarify things for me. Thanks everyone for your input. I think we are probably done having babies. I am just having a hard time shutting the door on that part of my life.
GL with your decision -- it's very, very difficult to close the door on such a wonderful, limited time in our lives. I think that it's especially difficult for women, as we experience so many of the physical aspects of the process (even with adoption). For whatever reason, the vast majority of men I know are able to easily say "That's it!", and not look back. Very, very few of the women I know are able to do it in such a matter-of-fact manner.
post #55 of 91
I had my first at 24, my second at 34 (although I'd been trying for a long time by then), my third at 37, my fourth (stillborn) at 39 - six weeks ago.

DH and I will try for one more - my history has cured me of saying "have" instead of "try", as I know all too well that plans don't always work out - and I'll be 40 or very close to it when we start ttc (need some more months to recover from the last section).

I think I'm getting too old for the medical model of care, because I just don't have the energy to deal with it. I'm definitely starting to feel too old for another c-section...but not too old to have a baby.

I'll be honest. I way preferred having a baby at 24. My life was a disaster compared to now (my ex was not a good choice of co-parent), but I bounced back better than I do now, and sleep deprivation didn't hit me as hard. If I could re-do my life, I'd want my kids younger than I actually had them, and would probably start at 20, not 24...but that doesn't make me too old for more. (Mind you, I have a wonderful life partner in dh, and I doubt he'd have wanted to take on four kids when I met him, so...)
post #56 of 91
I'm 40 right now and expecting again. I have a 3 year old ds and used to worry about energy, but thinking about being there for him and the new one has been motivational for me, and I've made some lifestyle changes that have really paid off. In any way they can measure, I'm much healthier than when I was younger, and actually recovered from ds's birth much faster than from the birth of dd back when I was 19.
I imagine that if all goes well with this pregnancy, it will probably be the last one, but who knows?
post #57 of 91
Storm Bride, I am sorry about your baby. That must be devastating coming into the holidays. What a shock.

Pat
post #58 of 91
Thank you, Pat...

It's been rough, but fortunately, I do have the other kids to help keep me on track. Without them, I'd have probably spent the last six weeks curled up in a ball crying. (Actually, it physically hurt too much to cry for the first week or so, but since I passed that point, the tears come really easily.) They keep me going. I'm also sort of glad that it's Christmas time, as the holidays have given me some other focal points, as well. Things have been pretty subdued around here, but we're hanging in there as well as we can. I miss him.
post #59 of 91
I'm sorry, too, Lisa!
post #60 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
Do you think maybe your younger age might've helped you with being able to decline some tests?

I'd heard (from at least 2 people) that applying for Medicaid in the third trimester of my pregnancy would set some really unwelcome processes in motion. Since I didn't apply, I never found out firsthand. My friends just advised me that it'd be less complicated to stay out of the system at that point, and apply after the fact if I needed to.

Don't want to turn this into a Medicaid thread.
I don't think my age had anything to do with it. Doctors do not have the right to force any unwanted tests on a person, no matter what insurance they have. Medicaid is state funded insurance, but it is still insurance and that's all it is. There no extra rules that have to followed with Medicaid than there are with any other insurance. All laws applying to patient's rights, including the right to refuse any tests or procedures due to personal or religious reasons, are still intact, no matter what insurance you have.

I applied for Medicaid in my 3rd trimester w/ my 2nd son. I was working as a temp and they didn't hire me, so I lost insurance when I took off for maternity leave at around 8 mos. Nothing "bad" happened to me. I kept my OB and they didn't treat me any differently. I refused all tests, and they didn't give me any harder of a time after I switched to Medicaid.

I had a homebirth with my 3rd. Medicaid doesn't cover homebirths in my state, but I did go to the chiropractor often and it did cover his services. Nothing was ever said to me about having a homebirth. I did get a call asking why I hadn't picked a healthcare provider for my pregnancy, and did I need help finding one, but I said I was seeing a homebirth midwife and they said oh, well call us if you need help in the future finding a covered provider. That was it.
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