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In-laws x-mas gift-vent! - Page 2

post #21 of 97
Thread Starter 
I did tell inlaws that I didn't approve of those cars when we walked by them in WalMart a few monthes ago and I told them my reasons. I would have been absolutely thrilled if they had bought a wood kitchen or any kind of playstand! I am not taking issue with the gift because of who it came from, even though I do have issues with them.
post #22 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasabi View Post
To be totally honest I'd feel a little more on your side if I didn't get the vibe that you're angry at MIL for stealing your thunder with the car.
Not the OP, but if someone did this to me, it would not be about "stealing my thunder," but rather about making a purposeful attempt to undermine my authority as a parent. If parents decide that a toy is inappropriate for their children (or a food, activity, religious belief--anything), that's it, end of story. No one has the right to go behind their back and decide otherwise.

If someone doesn't know the parent's wishes and makes a mistake, that is a completely different story, but this MIL was specifically told no sit-in car and chose to do so otherwise. That is beyond wrong in my book.
post #23 of 97
As your children's parents you have every right to define appropriate toys for your them. All of the mommas on here attacking your choice - put yourself in her shoes. There has to be some toy you wouldn't want your child playing with (a toy gun, Bratz, dolls, something). I'm really surprised at the lack of support.

I'm really curious why your dh didn't speak up to his parents. Does he feel the gifts are okay but he didn't want to rock the boat? If he feels 100% as you do then he should learn to handle his parents instead of putting his wife on the hot seat.

Have dh call and try to smooth things over with his parents before you guys drive to see them. If you don't really want to drive, how about just emailing suggestions to them???
post #24 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by delphiniumpansy View Post
Print this out, give it to them and return the cars. They are health hazards!


http://pediatrics.aappublications.or...ract/120/1/134


That link is talking about all-terrain vehicles, scooters & go carts. The inlaws did not buy the kids an ATV they bought them a faux atv that goes approx. 3 mph and is inches from the ground. They are also extremely light weight. Nothing like an ATV.

all-terrain vehicles (44.8%), 2-wheeled off-road vehicles (21.1%), and go-carts/buggies (13.7%).
post #25 of 97
I think you are right - you're the mother, if you and your husband don't feel it's appropriate, for any reason, then it's not appropriate! can it be returned?

can they keep it at their house, assuming they have a safer place to ride it when the kids visit?

otherwise, i'd definitely return it, or tell them nicely that you appreciate the gesture but don't feel it's appropriate due to age/safety/whatever. i think it's definitely inappropriate for someone to buy a child that kind of gift without asking the parents first.
post #26 of 97
I wouldn't suggest you have them buy your girls bikes if you're worried about safety.

safe kids usa

"
Bicycles are associated with more childhood injuries than any other consumer product except the automobile. More than 70 percent of children ages 5 to 14 (27.7 million) ride bicycles. This age group rides 50 percent more than the average bicyclist and accounts for approximately 21 percent of all bicycle-related deaths and nearly half of all bicycle-related injuries. "
post #27 of 97
I have the same issue with my MIL. My DH and I have decided that if she doesn't follow the guidelines we put forth for toys at our house, then that toy lives at her house. That way she is responsible for storing it and it is just a special treat that dd gets to play with every once in a while.
( I TOTALLY get how you feel though)
post #28 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheshire View Post
I'm really curious why your dh didn't speak up to his parents. Does he feel the gifts are okay but he didn't want to rock the boat? If he feels 100% as you do then he should learn to handle his parents instead of putting his wife on the hot seat.
To me, that's the problem. But also I think it should be possible to nicely tell your ILs why it's not a good gift for where you live and ask for the receipt so you can take it back and get something more appropriate for the road you live on. In my family, the mantra was always, we want you to like your gifts, if you don't, we want you to take it back and get something you want. Ie the giver wants the receiver to be happy and won't be hurt if the gift given isn't quite right. For some inexplicable reason it's not that in my dh's family. The idea of taking something back is shocking to him. Ie the receiver needs to make the giver happy and not say things like "Oh I already have a copy of this."
post #29 of 97
I think you 100% in the right. You told your MIL your views on the battery cars she went ahead and bought one YOU are their mother and YOU ( and their dad) get FINAL say in what the kids can or can not have. I that you stood up to her. Maybe ( just maybe) next time she will get approval on a large item like that....


A FYI friends of my mom had a child who was 4 and was using his battery powered jeep in the back yard. the baby needed to go down for a nap so she took the baby in the old boy ( 5 ish ) opened the gate that was supposed to be childproffed and 4 yr old drove off. 15 min later the mom came out to check on the older 2 30minutes later after she called the police to report him missing a police officer called her back. the child was several blocks away at a 7-11 where he was spotted by another police officer. they had a BIG mess with CPS for non supervision.
post #30 of 97
My neighbors' 3-year-old got an Escalade for Christmas last year, and it still frightens me to think about it. She could drive, back up, and do 3-point turns like a pro, but she also did some scary stuff in that car. She would drive along the sidewalk and, since the car is so wide and she was, well, 3 years old, the car would sometimes tip over the edge so that 2 wheels were in the street. She would sometimes try to follow my son, who was on his little bike, and her car went far faster than his bike-- it terrified me. Another afternoon she and some other neighborhood kids were backing up, then ramming the car into the curb, over and over. Then there's the fact that the car was always in the street and zooming in and out of people's driveways, constantly putting the child in close contact with (actual) cars. How can anybody think that these play cars are safe? They're not safety tested like real cars are, yet children feel safe shutting the door, buckling up, and going into the street in them.

And why are small children getting Cadillacs and other scaled-down SUVs as presents, anyway? What does this say about our culture? What will next year's present be? If my ILs bought a surprise like this for DS without consulting me, I would be so upset.

Maybe next year you can have a Nova Natural catalog sent to your MIL's house. (That's what I did this year, and she miraculously got all of DS's presents from it!)
post #31 of 97
Wow, I am stunned at all the people yelling at the OP for what she did. As I read it. She got her son a kid powered car, so MIL went out and bought and extra fancy one to show her up. She told ILs months ago that she did not want or approve of the motorized cars for young children so they passive aggressively went out and got that very thing. She has neither the time nor desire to provide the close supervision they require and live on a street where it would be hard to find a safe place to use anyway due to the traffic. A purchase of that magnitude, cost and requirements for storage, parental supervision, etc. should always be run by the parents first. This MIL knew she was going against her DIL 's wishes and did it anyway. I think she is lucky DIL was even polite about declining it.

Next, we had a neighbor with one of these cars and they are dangerous. My kids were 7 and 8 when they would want to play with her and the car. Her parents did not properly supervise so I would end up out there. Kids got run into, little children got hurt, it was a constant problem. I HATED when that girl brought that stupid car out because then I had to be present every second and more than likely one kid would end up in tears.

Personally, I also dislike it when family members try to show up the parents by buying bigger better more flashy toys. I had to stop my twins godparents because they were giving my children more presents for Christmas than my husband and I were (like 8 gifts apiece). And we aren't poor or unable to provide them with nice things, but the poor kids were being overwhelmed to the point of not enjoying anything very much.

I just want to say to the OP, do not feel guilty for standing firm on your values about the type of toys and play you want your kids to have. It is your job as a parent to decide what is best for them. I prep my kids that all gifts received must get mommy/daddy approval before they stay in the house. Once or twice we have thanked someone for a gift and promptly returned or donated it. I think your right that something that big and expensive would have been a continuous problem for you if you had just tried to quietly get rid of it. Hard to hide a giant battery operated car being gone!
post #32 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheshire View Post
As your children's parents you have every right to define appropriate toys for your them. All of the mommas on here attacking your choice - put yourself in her shoes. There has to be some toy you wouldn't want your child playing with (a toy gun, Bratz, dolls, something). I'm really surprised at the lack of support.
It's because it's not really 100% clear that it's the toy itself that is the issue. It seems like the issue is the ILs and that the objections to the toy are a total afterthought. As I and several others said if she doesn't want them to have the car well fine then don't have them but just say that. They're not deathtraps just because she doesn't want her kid to have them. I mean I don't like Bratz. My kids don't get Bratz. I'm not claiming they're health hazards.
post #33 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by LAHP100 View Post
My neighbors' 3-year-old got an Escalade for Christmas last year, and it still frightens me to think about it. She could drive, back up, and do 3-point turns like a pro, but she also did some scary stuff in that car. She would drive along the sidewalk and, since the car is so wide and she was, well, 3 years old, the car would sometimes tip over the edge so that 2 wheels were in the street. She would sometimes try to follow my son, who was on his little bike, and her car went far faster than his bike-- it terrified me. Another afternoon she and some other neighborhood kids were backing up, then ramming the car into the curb, over and over. Then there's the fact that the car was always in the street and zooming in and out of people's driveways, constantly putting the child in close contact with (actual) cars. How can anybody think that these play cars are safe? They're not safety tested like real cars are, yet children feel safe shutting the door, buckling up, and going into the street in them.
Sounds like your friend was doing a very poor job supervising her three year old if she was letting it tip off the sidewalk and bump into your sons bike.

Also, of course they're not tested like real cars. They're nothing like a real car, they only look like one. I don't know who is letting their kids drive into the street with them. Did you read the bike link I sent? Are you anti bike too? They are extremely dangerous. A child should wear a helmet in one of these toys just as on a bike and the parent needs to be with them at all times. The battery should be out of it when it's not in use to prevent the child using it alone.
post #34 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post
Wow, I am stunned at all the people yelling at the OP for what she did. As I read it. She got her son a kid powered car, so MIL went out and bought and extra fancy one to show her up. She told ILs months ago that she did not want or approve of the motorized cars for young children so they passive aggressively went out and got that very thing. She has neither the time nor desire to provide the close supervision they require and live on a street where it would be hard to find a safe place to use anyway due to the traffic. A purchase of that magnitude, cost and requirements for storage, parental supervision, etc. should always be run by the parents first. This MIL knew she was going against her DIL 's wishes and did it anyway. I think she is lucky DIL was even polite about declining it.
The fact that she told them she didn't want her kids to have one before they bought it came out halfway through this thread. Yes, if I told my Il's I didn't want my kids to have a toy and they bought it anyway I'd be very angry.

If she doesn't have the time nor the desire to provide close supervision for one of these toys why did she say "they could've gotten them bikes" they require just as much supervision.
post #35 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post
The fact that she told them she didn't want her kids to have one before they bought it came out halfway through this thread. Yes, if I told my Il's I didn't want my kids to have a toy and they bought it anyway I'd be very angry.
It's in the first post of the thread, and quoted in the second post:

Quote:
MIL was asking dh for x-mas idea's and he told her that I was buying ds a sit-in car, so she decided that she was going to buy him one instead. I said no
post #36 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennisee View Post
It's in the first post of the thread, and quoted in the second post:

No, I was talking about the fact that it wasn't stated in her first post that she told her IL's DO NOT buy my kids a battery powered vehicle. I don't like them for this reason & that. That is the fact that came out after this had been discussed for awhile.
post #37 of 97
OP I can understand your anger and frustration. It sounds like you have many issues with your in-laws and with your dh's lack of support when it comes to dealing with them.

I am suprised that people are jumping on you for not wanting your kids to have a battery operated vehicle for any reason.

I think their are lots of issues going on here. But what it comes down to is that you and your dh are the parents. If you don't want your children to have a specific toy for any reason it is your call. You did the right thing by letting her know that you were not going to allow the kids the have it. And she is doing the right thing by returning and taking all of you to pick out an appropriate gift.

Hopefully all of the adults can keep their cool and get through the shopping trip!
post #38 of 97
WOW!! Seem most people are ready to flame on this issue. I am the mom of 4- and i have to say You Go Girl!! Even if the power wheel thingy was perfectly safe, it isn't practical when you have more than 2 kids. With 2 they can take turns, and you can be right there. With 3 or more you have one that you are always chasing or trying to find, while still watching the 2 in the power wheel.

The OP said that her DD's didn't see the gift. Had the girls seen the gift, then this would be a different kind of a thread, however she stopped the kids from seeing the gift, and put her foot down. Regardless of her problems with her MIL or her DH she stood up for what she felt was right for her DD's. The car for DS was more of territory issues (I wanted to get it not you!) and more innapropriate age wise.

Good for you for standing up to MIL, and you and DH need to talk about how this has upset you, no one should have to stand alone like that. Ask that he talk to his mom, and not make you be the bad guy. HUGS- IMHO you did what was right for your family, and I would have done the same thing.
post #39 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post

If she doesn't have the time nor the desire to provide close supervision for one of these toys why did she say "they could've gotten them bikes" they require just as much supervision.

One major difference that I see between the whole powered car/bicycle thing and having the time/desire to supervise kids on them is that with a bicycle you can throw them on a bike rack and take them some place else if you don't have an area that's appropriate for riding them around your house. I live in a condo with no yard on a very busy street, we toss ds's bike in the trunk and we go to the bike trail or the park where there is room to ride without worrying about traffic... those cars are heavy, even if I had the desire to load up a battery powered car and bring it to an area that was safe to use it, I wouldn't be able to lift it alone or fit it in my car.
post #40 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaw/two View Post
Anyway, now we are supposed to go to a town an hour away next weekend and stay in a hotel with in-law and pick out a new present for dd's. The last thing in the world I want to do is go be around them! MIL is sappy sweet to my face and does the opposite of anything I ask the second my back is turned. Sorry, I had to vent!
FWIW, there's no way I'd do the shopping trip. I'd offer to put together a list of gift suggestions/guidelines but spending the night away from home right before Christmas over this is nuts, IMO.

If you really believe your MIL bought these gifts as a passive-aggressive attack on you, you have every right to keep some distance from her, and to hold firm when she tries to use your kids to get to you.

ZM
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