Reading books that scare children

[dharmamama]

I was wondering how others would handle this situation:

Yesterday I read book one of The Spiderwick Chronicles to Efram (almost 5) and Ramona (almost 6). I had already read it and thought that Ramona, in particular, would really like it, as she is very interested in the fairy world.

I read the entire book in one sitting because the kids were so captivated ... until the book was over, at which time the kids announced that the book was scary and that they were afraid of boggarts in the house. They "had to" go to sleep in our bed last night because they were so scared (which kinda baffles me ... they already sleep together in their own room, so I am not sure how sleeping together in our room was any better ... dh and I certainly didn't go to bed with them at 8:30!).

But, they also insisted that we put out a bowl of milk and some flour to see whether we could find evidence of having a brownie in the house, and this morning they asked me to read book two ... while still insisting that they were very scared from book one.

I'm trying to figure out whether this is a case of being scared but liking it (like riding a roller coaster or watching a horror movie) or whether it's just not appropriate for them at this time.

What would y'all do?

dm

[jillc512]

Is it affecting them negatively (other than wanting to sleep in your bed, if that's a negative)? Are they afraid to, say, play in a different part of the house without you? Did it disturb their sleep?

I don't know, if they're asking to read the next book, I'd say it wasn't too scary for them.

[TEAK's Mom]

Could they be playing with the idea of being scared? My 5.5 year old was doing that recently: a lot of build up and talk about fear without any real "symptoms." She even seemed sort of excited about being afraid.

I'd second that, if they want the next book and and are eating and sleeping, etc, normally, I'd read it.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by jillc512

Is it affecting them negatively (other than wanting to sleep in your bed, if that's a negative)? Are they afraid to, say, play in a different part of the house without you? Did it disturb their sleep?

For a few hours after we read the book yesterday, Ramona was glued to me and said she was too afraid to go anywhere in the house without me. And they did wake up at 3 this morning and call me, saying they were scared (we had moved them into their room before we went to bed, because our bed is not big enough for four people).

But today they seem to be fine. Ramona is upstairs in the bedroom alone right now.

dm

[Ruthla]

If you do read the next book in the series, maybe do it earlier in the day?

I'd also have a big talk with them about how this is all make-believe and NOT real.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

If you do read the next book in the series, maybe do it earlier in the day?

I read it from 9-10:30 yesterday morning ...

dm

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

I read it from 9-10:30 yesterday morning ...

dm

Um, then read it later in the day?

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I'd also have a big talk with them about how this is all make-believe and NOT real.

Hmmm. Yeah, I thought about that. However, Ramona believes 110% that fairies are real. She recently had a week-long correspondence with the tooth fairy, writing letters back and forth. And, while she was afraid of a boggart in our house (which is a brownie gone bad), she was really hopeful that we had a house brownie, and she made me leave out a bowl of milk and some sprinkled flour to see whether the brownie drank the milk and left tracks in the flour. Ramona was thrilled that it did.

I was always an anti-Santa kinda gal, and I used to feel very strongly about my kids not believing in things like fairies and the Easter Bunny because I did not want to "lie" to them. But Ramona chose to believe in these things (minus Santa, which she thinks is a silly idea because "everybody knows that reindeer can't fly") in spite of my not encouraging them. I'm not sure that she wants to lose her fairy world simply because parts of it scare her.

I told her that the people in the book aren't real, but to her, that's not the point. The point is that the fairy/fey world IS real. So far, her ventures into the fey world have been sweet and cuddly. This was her first experience with "the dark side" of the fairy world.

Gosh, who'da thunk this would be so complicated?

dm

[AuntLavender]

Not books but TV

My parents let me watch "The Day After" and I had nighmares for years about an atomic bomb attack. I was 9.

They also let me watch "Poltergeist" and I had nightmares about ghosts. I had trouble falling asleep for years.

If it affects their sleep then they are scared!

So far the scariest thing my 11yo has watched was "Jaws" and I almost think it was too intense for him. I haven't let him watch "Jurassic Park" because I know it will be too intense (I felt it was intense and I'm 35).

On the other hand I'm impressed that you read a book in 90 minutes! I'm not familiar with those books; how long is it? Was your voice hoarse at the end? LOL!

Sincerely,
Debra, homeschooling mom of 4 ages 11(AS), 10, 8, and 4 1/2 (PDD, Apraxia, Dysarthria, OCD)

[MyLittleWonders]

I agree with others in that if their sleep (overall, I can understand being scared about waking in a different location than where you fell asleep) is being negatively affected, or if their day-to-day behavior is changing (much more clingy through-out the day), then it's probably too scary. Otherwise, I think kids like to "stretch" their comfort level a bit at a time; from the Enki point of view (it's been a year since I read the guides but it kind of stuck), they need to go through the "scared-ness" of a story like that and then come back to the safety of home. (I hope I'm remembering that correctly.)

I notice my ds#1 doing this ... he is very sensitive to scary-ness in stories. He'll often stand on his head (on the couch), with his face in pillows during the scenes he considers "scary". But, then he pops back out and asks me to continue to read. I think being able to "conquer" the scary parts and fit them in the bigger picture of his psyche is helping him grow, albeit in subtle ways at this time.

That said, we definitely censor scary visual images. For him, at least, those are much harder to separate in his mind and they stick with him much longer. But the mental images he makes from a scary part of a story (and I'm talking fairy tales here or the "suspenseful" part of Magic Treehouse type books) are both thrilling and scary, and are just enough to let him flex his "brave-muscles".

Just my thoughts on it ...

[dharmamama]

I think we found a solution in that we also have Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide to the Fantastical World Around You, which is the book that the main characters find that explains the fairy world. It's like an encyclopedia, with awesome pictures, and Ramona is really enjoying that and I don't have to go on to the second book int he series.

dm

[maplesugar]

I love the Fantastical Guide, for sure. My dc have spent hours looking at that.
Ds got really scared after I read him a book about trolls when he was five. Same thing, not wanting to sleep alone.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

I think we found a solution in that we also have Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide to the Fantastical World Around You, which is the book that the main characters find that explains the fairy world. It's like an encyclopedia, with awesome pictures, and Ramona is really enjoying that and I don't have to go on to the second book int he series.

dm

I'm glad you found a good solution!