If you don't do Santa, what do you tell your kids?

[nadia105]

I have 3 kids, ages 4.5, 3, and 6 months. We have never given gifts from Santa or really brought him up, but dd (4.5) has gotten a huge dose of it from her preschool and has questions. I would like to figure out a way to explain things so that the magical aspect of Santa is there, but not the literal 'fat guy comes into the house and leaves presents' part.

One question she asked was how he would come in. I countered with a nice 'what do you think?', but she said she didn't know b/c we don't have a chimney. Her next thought was that our dog would 'try to eat him' if he came in the front door (dog does NOT like strangers). She kind of dropped it then, but I would like to have something better to say to her the next time it comes up.

Any suggestions?

[Peony]

I've told DD1 (who is almost 5) that he is like a cartoon character, he isn't real, but people pretend he is. He is based on a real person that did nice things for people and that is what we do this time of year. This year is the first year that we've discussed him, I've read some books to her, and we watched some movies. She thinks it is fun to pretend he is real, and likes to play "Santa". She hadn't asked the questions your DD has because she knows that part of Santa (coming into the house, etc...) isn't real.

[P-chan]

From another MDC mama I filed away this tidbit (until I need it for my kiddos): in our family, when we give gifts, we tell each other who they're from. In some families, they make a kind of game out of it, and they pretend that Santa brings some of the gifts.

[SillyLilStinkweed]

Wow, Why don't you want your kids to think Santa is real? Just curious.

[mamabeca]

I told my dd when she was about 4 that santa was a spirit being, that he could visit all the homes in the world who welcomed him because he is a spirit and can therefore move faster than the speed of light. She was totally cool with that. It made it easier to transition to what would you like to make (or buy) for daddy this year? and now that she has a brother, she's completely on target with making him something special too.

I don't like telling untruths, even to kids. So I didn't say much about santa until she asked, and then I told her the truth the way I see it.

I have some issues telling lies to kids, esp. just because they are children. I feel it's better to be age appropriately honest with them. That's my .02

[veganf]

We tell them the Santa "story" like you would Snow White or any other ficticious fairy tale. They know it's pretend...but it's fun to pretend. They know it's just the grown ups surprising everyone with presents.

[nadia105]

Originally Posted by SillyLilStinkweed

Wow, Why don't you want your kids to think Santa is real? Just curious.

I don't want to pretend he's real b/c of this:

Originally Posted by mamabeca

I don't like telling untruths, even to kids. So I didn't say much about santa until she asked, and then I told her the truth the way I see it.

I have some issues telling lies to kids, esp. just because they are children. I feel it's better to be age appropriately honest with them. That's my .02

Thanks ladies! DD is just starting to get into some movies and things and we talk about how mermaids and things are magical but not real, she eems to get that, so I guess I'll extend that to Santa. I do like the magical spirit aspect of him and was really looking for a way to incorporate great stories like the Night Before Christmas and things without lying to her.

[Terrilein]

I'm kind of in the same rut. I never wanted dd to believe in Santa (or rather the German equivalent), but alas, she got it from pre-school and her grandparents. I don't promote it at home, but I don't dare disabuse her of the notion now because she's likely to run off and tell all the kids who DO believe in Santa (like her cousins) the truth. So I guess it's a little white lie in our case. I don't talk about Santa, but I don't tell her he doesn't exist either.

[aprildawn]

I didn't believe in Santa growing up, and neither did DH. It was easy for us to transfer that to our kids.

My parents always told us the true story of St Nicolas who Santa is based on. We had a great book about it, actually, called Santa: Are You For Real? It's Christian based, so if that's an issue for you it's probably not the right book for you. There are dozens of websites about the "real" Santa, though.

We always pretended Santa was real, though. We always got a gift from "Santa," but we all knew it was really my parents. Sometimes my dad would come home from work with candy canes or something for us. He'd say Santa asked him to deliver those to us because he was running behind due to traffic or something else he'd make up. We loved it and we do the same with our girls.

Last year when DD1 was 4.5 she was all about correcting people when they asked her what Santa was going to bring her. She'd tell them with confidence, "Santa isn't real." Some adults would even argue with her. But she held her ground. This year she makes up all sorts of things Santa is doing, like putting the candy in our Advent calendar each day.

I don't like lying to my kids either. They even know that Jesus wasn't really born on Dec 25, but that we just celebrate it in December. Kinda like how we don't know when our cat was born (she's a stray), but we celebrate her bday in October because that's when she sneaked into our garage and started living with us.

[SillyLilStinkweed]

Originally Posted by mamabeca

I told my dd when she was about 4 that santa was a spirit being, that he could visit all the homes in the world who welcomed him because he is a spirit and can therefore move faster than the speed of light. She was totally cool with that. It made it easier to transition to what would you like to make (or buy) for daddy this year? and now that she has a brother, she's completely on target with making him something special too.

I don't like telling untruths, even to kids. So I didn't say much about santa until she asked, and then I told her the truth the way I see it.

I have some issues telling lies to kids, esp. just because they are children. I feel it's better to be age appropriately honest with them. That's my .02

I like your idea! Thanks for opening my eyes!

[mama_b4]

I say that the popular Santa is a character, just like Dora, or My Little Pony. We have also discussed how the idea of the Santa character came from a real person (St. Nicholas) and the legend behind that.

Oh, and same reasoning for us as I saw someone post above. No lying to kids. Its very important to me that my kids can know without a doubt that they can trust Mama to tell them the truth.

[CheapPearls]

I agree with the not lying part. Plus both Dh and I remember how heart broken we were when we found out and we don't want to put our kids through that.

So far it just hasn't come up. My oldest is almost 4. They have seen some Christmas movies on TV but to them it's just another cartoon, not something they believe is real. When it does come up, we plan on tell them the story of St Nick and explain that some families pretend he's real, etc.

[hubris]

My almost-5y/o hasn't asked about what other people believe but I think we've had brief discussions about some families pretending that Santa is a real person and that he brings presents to them. I'm not sure he really grasps that most of his classmates actually believe in Santa.

I believe my parents described it as a game that some families play.

Originally Posted by SillyLilStinkweed

Wow, Why don't you want your kids to think Santa is real? Just curious.

Search for "santa" in thread titles and you'll find many discussions about this. Some get heated. The Santa threads start around Sept/Oct of each year and go through December. Without getting into debate on this thread, the bottom line is that different people have different opinions regarding the nature of the Santa tradition, and that people also have different parenting philosophies that then get applied to those Santa-related opinions. Some people also just don't see a need for Santa traditions and celebrate Christmas in other ways. Some people do want to incorporate Santa but do so in a variety of ways, many of which don't require that the child be convinced that Santa is real.

[P-chan]

Originally Posted by hubris

the bottom line is that different people have different opinions regarding the nature of the Santa tradition, and that people also have different parenting philosophies that then get applied to those Santa-related opinions. Some people also just don't see a need for Santa traditions and celebrate Christmas in other ways. Some people do want to incorporate Santa but do so in a variety of ways, many of which don't require that the child be convinced that Santa is real.

All that, and, some people don't celebrate Christmas but have friends and family members who do, and want an accurate way to explain the Santa tradition.

[quest4mom]

Originally Posted by Peony

I've told DD1 (who is almost 5) that he is like a cartoon character, he isn't real, but people pretend he is. He is based on a real person that did nice things for people and that is what we do this time of year. This year is the first year that we've discussed him, I've read some books to her, and we watched some movies. She thinks it is fun to pretend he is real, and likes to play "Santa". She hadn't asked the questions your DD has because she knows that part of Santa (coming into the house, etc...) isn't real.

I like this. Thanks for posting it. The first time my dd asks about whether Santa is real I will tell her something like this. I like the idea of not lying and this way I don't feel like such a scrooge. She can still enjoy Santa without me having to keep making up excuses for all the Santa inconsistencies that all children eventually start to put together.

[EyesOfTheWorld]

We've been struggling with this as well - we've told dd1 that some people like to pretend that Santa gives them Christmas presents. My mom begged to take them for pictures with Santa at the mall, and she did well (the baby, not so much - it turned into a one kid show). She told us Santa was a nice man and he offered to show her picture to Rudolph ("Like in the song mama!").

To the PP asking why some people don't do Santa - for us it just seems like an unnecessary lie. It's certainly not the most harmful thing anyone can do and I totally respect anyone who does it, but it just feels strange to me. My dd1 is super sensitive too, and she would be beyond heartbroken when she found out.

I love the idea of explaining St. Nick to her though. I'll have to see if I can't find any good info!

[tinuviel_k]

We don't pretend Santa is real at our house: never have and never will. I know too many friends who as kids felt a real sense of betrayal and stupidity when they found out that they'd been lied to all along by their parents, even if it was just in fun and meant lovingly.

Since Santa is pretty much everywhere (commercials, stories, at the store, in parades, ect) we tell Denali the Santa story and tell her that he is pretend, like a cartoon or movie. We still have fun with stockings, and the other day she made reindeer food in preschool, but I am not leading her to believe that a fictional character is alive and well in the North Pole and that he squeezes down the chimney

Some folks have accused us of "ruining the magic" of Christmas for our daughter. I think that is silly: there is plenty about Christmas that is wonderful, magical, warm, and good without resorting to celebrating a character that doesn't even exist. Denali loves Christmas, Santa or no.

[aprildawn]

Originally Posted by tinuviel_k

Some folks have accused us of "ruining the magic" of Christmas for our daughter. I think that is silly: there is plenty about Christmas that is wonderful, magical, warm, and good without resorting to celebrating a character that doesn't even exist. Denali loves Christmas, Santa or no.

Yeah. It bugs me when people accuse us of that, too. Cuz, you know, lying is soooo magical.

Speaking as a child who grew up not believing in Santa, I think Christmas is plenty magical.