Help for 'Being Different'

[Janansmom]

I raised my beautiful girl with my beliefs of co-sleeping , no vaccinations (she's adopted : from Guatemala and had a horrible reaction to a vaccine they gave here there...I'll save THAT for another post), respecting nature :, no plastics, primarily organic vegetarian (with some sustainable caught fish), etc.

Recently, she's getting very 'snarky' (the word her teacher used), creating cliques in her classroom, and maliciously excluding certain girls. This is SO not like her! A recent conversation as I was making her lunch for school gave me some insight. She told me she no longer wanted to have a seperate snack at school and wanted to take 'cookies or fruit roll ups' in her lunchbox "like everyone else."

Where we lived before I had a circle of like-minded women raising daughters in a similar fashion, so she had role models and support of others like her. Here (we recently moved to MI due to a transfer with my husband's job) - not so much. She attends a school in a high socio-economic area (though we don't fall into that category) and, in addition to the food issues, we're also dealing with wanting a cell phone and iPod!

HELP! How do I continue to support her in positive, healthy choices when they aren't supported by anyone around her and make her feel 'different' and 'weird'.

[dancingmama]

Ugh. What a nightmare. I'm curious -- where in Michigan are you? In Ann Arbor, you'd find some fabulous school options with plenty of like-minded families... any charter or magnet options where you are?

[mamabeca]

It's not clear how old your dd is, but I'm guessing 11 or 12? VERY typical behaviour in that age range. My dd is 9 and beginning to show that kind of behaviour as well.

Things you need to do:

have a heart to heart with her. tell her what you goals are for your family blueprint, how you want to eat food that is part of a whole earth cycle, and why it's important to have our own standards and NEVER let anyone determine our values or needs.

If she can do that with you, you will know that she continues to be your little girl, and even if the behaviour doesn't stop right away, it's ok - she's figuring this out for herself, and you can help her by being there for her when she needs to have boundaries set, unconditional love, etc. Don't despair mama - she's just figureing this out!

[Janansmom]

Dancingmama, I'm on the outskirts of Clarkston and have recently learned there are many likeminded folks in Ann Arbor. Unfortunately, that's quite a ways. Believe it or not, my daughter attends a private school in the area, but I am looking at other options. It's so hard to find schools that think like I do!

Mamabeca, Thank you! My daughter is just 7, but is 'gifted' so intellectually she's between 15 & 16. I know your right. Sometimes it's just hard to keep defending my beliefs without anyone supporting me. I was online until midnight last night just reading many of the threads and rejoicing in the fact that there are other moms out there who feel like I do. (That's why I've read Mothering for over 10 years, but it's hard to talk to my magazine...not that I don't, mind you?

Thanks again to both of you for giving your input!

[greeny]

About the food.... what if you took her to the grocery store or sat down with a cookbook and let her help select snacks for her lunchbox? Let her know that fruit roll ups and pudding cups (or whatever) aren't healthy and you won't buy those, but see if you can find more healthful substitutes (like fruit leather) or homemade stuff that is similar to what the other kids are bringing.

I have vivid memories of being the ONLY kid in my school with dark brown whole wheat bread. Oh how I envied their soft, fluffy Wonder bread! It's hard being young and different.

Let her participate, give her choices, and keep explaining why you're doing what you're doing.

[Bekka]

Originally Posted by greeny

About the food.... what if you took her to the grocery store or sat down with a cookbook and let her help select snacks for her lunchbox? Let her know that fruit roll ups and pudding cups (or whatever) aren't healthy and you won't buy those, but see if you can find more healthful substitutes (like fruit leather) or homemade stuff that is similar to what the other kids are bringing.

I am perfectly willing to send 100 per cent juice or water, and organic fruit leather, which are "similar" but just not neon colors. I have found very affordable fruit strips at Target--they have organic "fruit strips" in apricot, raspberry, strawberry, and multiberry, also some other flavors that aren't as popular here.

Can you/does she have a really cool thermos/stainless steel or "safer" plastic water bottle for juice, milk or water to drink out of? They have some breads that are made with "white whole wheat" which is more nutritious than white bread, also bagels, and tortillas. True it's not quite as good as dark brown bread. My girls complain about very dark tortillas. Also, "health nut" bread--it has to be plain 100 per cent whole wheat with no wheat berries or nuts or seeds in it. Also if there's a Trader Joe's where you are, there are several fun lunchbox options (also at Whole Foods and similar; I just find TJ to be less expensive.) I also get the individual applesauce cups that are "natural" and also the Mott's "Healthy Harvest" with no sugar and no artificial colors and flavors. Not organic, but an option, anyway.

[Janansmom]

Originally Posted by greeny

About the food.... what if you took her to the grocery store or sat down with a cookbook and let her help select snacks for her lunchbox? Let her know that fruit roll ups and pudding cups (or whatever) aren't healthy and you won't buy those, but see if you can find more healthful substitutes (like fruit leather) or homemade stuff that is similar to what the other kids are bringing.

I have vivid memories of being the ONLY kid in my school with dark brown whole wheat bread. Oh how I envied their soft, fluffy Wonder bread! It's hard being young and different.

Let her participate, give her choices, and keep explaining why you're doing what you're doing.

Thanks so much. I totally believe in empowering her with choices and always have. We do fruit leathers and I 'match' whatever snack is being brought with the organic/healthy version whenever possible. She's always preferred her snacks (fruit, fruit leathers, Pirate's Booty, raw broccoli, etc), but now is really "wanting" Oreos ("Not the kind WE buy mom, they aren't the same!") and Fruit Roll Ups (They have pictures on them, mom, the fruit leathers don't!")

I know much of this is just peer pressure right now. She's even shying away from her favorite lunch of black beans, cheese, and a tortilla b/c the other girls in class think it's "Gross". : I just have to 'keep up the vigil'. I've let her know that the choices I've made are for her health and b/c I love her and that when she's older, she can make her own choices. I've also been sharing more and more with her about WHY the things we opt out of (artificial colors, high fructose corn syrups, hydrogenated oils, etc) are bad and what they do to your body.

Sometimes this mom thing is just tough!

[Janansmom]

Originally Posted by Bekka

I am perfectly willing to send 100 per cent juice or water, and organic fruit leather, which are "similar" but just not neon colors. I have found very affordable fruit strips at Target--they have organic "fruit strips" in apricot, raspberry, strawberry, and multiberry, also some other flavors that aren't as popular here.

: That's the way I work, too!

Can you/does she have a really cool thermos/stainless steel or "safer" plastic water bottle for juice, milk or water to drink out of? They have some breads that are made with "white whole wheat" which is more nutritious than white bread, also bagels, and tortillas. True it's not quite as good as dark brown bread. My girls complain about very dark tortillas. Also, "health nut" bread--it has to be plain 100 per cent whole wheat with no wheat berries or nuts or seeds in it. Also if there's a Trader Joe's where you are, there are several fun lunchbox options (also at Whole Foods and similar; I just find TJ to be less expensive.) I also get the individual applesauce cups that are "natural" and also the Mott's "Healthy Harvest" with no sugar and no artificial colors and flavors. Not organic, but an option, anyway.

We only use stainless steel for her lunch items that have to be sealed or wax bags for 'snacky' items. I don't have much trouble with bread, but she doesn't eat much of it at school b/c NO nuts or seeds are allowed on the campus due to severe allergies in many of the children. I will look into the 'health nut' bread. Some of the breads I do buy she won't eat b/c of nuts or seeds in them (funny she loves nuts and seeds, but just not in her bread). We do Trader Joe's organic applesauce. She loves the different flavored ones (especially peach) and LOVES TJs Peach sauce.

Are any of you interested in moving to Michigan so my child can associate with others like her?

[dancingmama]

Originally Posted by Janansmom

Are any of you interested in moving to Michigan so my child can associate with others like her?

hey, ann arbor's only an hour away. i'm sure nobody would mind a 2-hour/day commute

another idea.... how bout having a kid or two over to your place for playdates? at some point, engaging them in helping prepare some yummy food, making it fun and interesting? and/or exposing them to a lifestyle that might seem kind of cool and different (lots of art? no tv? fun, messy, creative things to do? outdoor adventures? you get the idea...)

[Janansmom]

Dancingmama,

For time with others who believe like me, I'd drive an hour in a heartbeat!

Wow, sounds like we have much in common. I've done MANY play dates and all without TV (TV is reserved only for special family TV nights or other special events) and the kids who come over always love the arts, food, fun we have. We just have to build back the foundation we had before moving to Michigan of enough mommy's/children who share our beliefs and don't just find the differences in our lifestyle amusing.