DD asked me to quit talking about it

[treemom2]

Today DD and I were talking about Naiya. She then started getting really upset and told me she doesn't want me to talk about her anymore. DD said she wants to hold Naiya, was really looking forward to it and now it just makes her too sad whenever anyone talks about her. I don't know what to do? Should I stop talking about Naiya? It seems no one wants me to talk about her. DH has said he doesn't really like talking to me about her, none of my friends want me to talk about her; I guess maybe I should just. . .I don't know

[bellabear]

Oh mama, I'm so sorry. I have no advice but just wanted to send love your way. I looked at her pictured and cried, she was so beautiful.

Michelle

[RedOakMomma]

If you need to talk about her, then I think you need people to talk about her with. I'm sorry your husband and friends aren't being more open to listening. I'm sure your husband is dealing with his own grief.

A grief counselor explained losing a child to dh and me in this way: it's like you're skiing down a mountain, each with a broken leg. You can see each other, be near each other, see the discomfort of the other person...but you can't stop going down the mountain, and you can't help the other person because you're hurting, too. Grief injurs you and sweeps you up, and until it's done, there's not much you can do about it.

Still, you absolutely need to talk about her, and it's okay to talk about her. Have you tried telling a friend or your dh that you *need* to talk about her, and that you're feeling pressure from everyone not to talk about her? That may inspire some sympathy and understanding.

And of course, always, you can talk about her here. We'll listen.

[yarngoddess]

I'm so sad for you!! What a horrible thing to happen. I wish I could be there IRL to give you a great big


I have never lost a baby, or child for that matter. I did loose my dad when I was 9 yrs old. I still to this day wonder why people stopped talking about him, it was almost like he never existed. After the funeral they didn't even tell me stories about him anymore. While I'm sad that DD wants you to stop talking, I'm also upset by it. Denial and Anger are hard to deal with in an adult, however in a child they have far reaching tendrils. I wouldn't STOP talking about Naiya, but maybe you could only talk about her in certain situations. I reallly don't know what to advise you to do, however I don't think that ignoring it will help. ::

I hope this sore in your heart heals a little with time, as I know that it will never go away. But if you don't talk about it it will consume you. I know that from my own reality. If you can't talk at home, get a counselor, get a support group, a pastor, a stranger down the street- just don't suck it up.

For Naiya... a beauty and a blessing that was sent to change our hearts...

[Ruthla]

If your DD can't process talking about her anymore, then try not to talk about your lost baby with your DD.

But you do need somebody to talk to. You can always "talk" about her on here, as much as you need to. If you also need somebody to talk to IRL, and nobody in your family is able to listen, then a grief counselor would be an excellent option.

[ksjhwkr]

I do understand a lot of where you are coming from. Everyone handles their grief differently. I am a talker. When my dd died, I needed to talk about her also. It has been so short of time since your dd died, you do need to talk about her.
It is understandable that your dd doesn't want to talk about her. I can also understand your dh, but you need to tell him that you need to talk about her, you need to talk about it. Maybe that will help him.
Also, there are groups for parents who have lost their children. Compassionate Friends is the one we went to after Emma died. It is for parents who have had their children die. Also, there is Share, it is a group for parents who have lost a child to miscarraige, still birth or early infant death.

I am so sorry about your sweet daughter. That pain is just so unbearable, I remember it all too well. It's been a little over 4 years and I still miss her like crazy.

Lots of love and : to you Mama.

[Blu Razzberri]

I'm sorry for the loss of your baby girl. All three of your children are beautiful.

I think you should respect your DD in not talking about it unless she brings it up. She too has her own grief and has expressed that she's not ready to share it. I'd sit down and tell her you understand that she doesn't want to talk about Naiya right now, but if she changes her mind in the future, that you're here to listen and share.

I think you need to tell your husband how you feel a bit abandonned; but he's also dealing with his grief and may need his space to do so also. I think you should heavily rely on your friends. I bet they are uncomfortable talking about it because they don't know what to say to "fix" you. Perhaps explaining that you just need to talk about her sometimes, and cry on someone's shoulder sometimes; and that you don't expect any magical answers from them. I think a reminder that you just need them to be there for you will help them deal with it too.

And, as the PP said, of course you can talk about her here....I'd love to hear about her; and I'd be honored to help you grieve. Much love to you, mama, as you heal your heart however you need to.

[rachelle-a-tron]

Love to you Mama...
I went through a similar time of feeling alone when my Son died. I am here to listen. Im very sorry.

[HarperRose]

I find myself and my own dd in reversed roles. I lost a baby at 12 wks along. My dd was home with me and wouldn't leave my side even when it came time for the baby to come out. She was there when that happened. We buried the baby as a family and named her Adia.

DD needs to talk about her often. "When Adia's alive we can..." I prefer not to discuss it so much. I don't want to shut dd out and not let her talk about her dead sister, but it hurts me to have the constant reminder that there's a child missing in my life.

[mountainmummy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter after 13 hours of life, from a suspected cord accident, and we are devastated. I know the need to talk about it, and it seems like no one would ever talk about it if you didn't bring it up. I'm sorry you don't seem to have more support at home. It's so very hard to go through, huge hugs to you.

[Mearaina]

I'm so sorry you feel you can't talk about your daughter. You can talk about her here anytime. You don't know this, but you and your daughter's life (and passing) made a huge impact on me during a rough time in my life. Your daughter has blessed many people.

[ediesmom]

please talk about her. I would love to hear her story.

i remember after my dd Zoe was born still. It was so sad that people really didn't want to talk about her. To me she had a whole life for me to talk about. To other people it was different.

She was beautiful, mama.

[GooeyRN]

Talk about her here. She was beautiful. He face looks so perfect.

[Five of Us]

When my son died, I went to a support group called Compassionate Friends - http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

If there is a meeting near you, it's a good support group to attend where we feel free to talk about our child knowing that everyone there understands. It's a safe place.

A big hug to you.