WWYD: MIL just wants a salad...again... - Page 2

[mamalisa]

I agree with whoever said bring the best salad you can. They will probably turn their nose up at it because it's not iceberg and sliced tomatoes, but that's ok too.

I make a kick butt spinach salad with roasted red peppers, goat cheese and pine nuts. It's awesome!

[onlyzombiecat]

I understand how you feel. Dh's family was like that for years. They would say to bring nothing or bring pie. It really made me feel like they thought I was a bad cook or an outsider instead of family.
I think bringing salad and another dish you enjoy would be fine.

[LionTigerBear]

Originally Posted by cycle

Usually people who eat mainly things from a can or box do not like "real" food. KWIM? My brother and SIL only eat things that come from boxes or cans - they turn their noses up at anything I make and constantly make fun of my eating and cooking habits. Whatevah!

I would make the salad and bring another dish, at least you'll have something you can eat - and don't be bothered by it at all.

This is what I was thinking. I'll bet she thinks she won't like the "weird" food you make. Some of my in-laws can be like that. They prefer the processed . . . stuff.

I'd be all passive-aggressive and smile and bring some of my wholesome "weird" food, anyway.

[jeca]

I'd bring the salad and also whatever dish I felt was my best just to see her face.

[MissLotus]

As long as you bring the salad she suggested, it would not be impolite to ALSO bring whatever you choose. Like if I'm invited to a friend's and they said, "Just bring some bread,"...I'm not going to bring only bread, so I bring something else too. How would anyone mind extra food?

[chaoticzenmom]

I think I'd just make a dish that I love and bring it anyway, without notice. Just say that you had the inspiration and ingredients, so you made it. Make sure it's something that will be requested year after year

[karina5]

I'd bring the salad bag and something else.

[Hera]

Originally Posted by beka1977

Maybe she feels fine imposing on her daughters but not on her guests (you)!

I like this explanation much better than passive aggressive, in this case. Every year I ask my mom for all kinds of help, because she is my mom! Dp's mom asks what she can bring, I always say something exactly like that. We have it covered, don't worry, if you want you can bring the relish tray. It isn't that I don't think she can cook, it's just that I don't want to sign her up for heavy duty.

If it offends her, she has yet to say anything to me about it. Hint, hint...if I were you, I'd either bring a fabulous salad and something else that you know won't be redundant (by this time you know what they serve, right?) and if you want to cook more, bring an extra dessert too. Cook your heiny off anyway, and see what happens...OR, I would be direct. "Hey, I'm missing out on the fun holiday cooking. I love to do this stuff, and it's bumming me out! Let me bring more food, please!"

[Smokering]

Salad plus something else... that's a good idea.

I kinda wish my MIL had asked me to bring a salad this year! I do love cooking, and people love coming over to my house for dinner... but we're moving house on Christmas Eve, which involves defrosting the freezer and fridge, and going to the inlaws' house for dinner on Christmas Day. MIL asked me to make two desserts I've never heard of, never made before, both of which require freezing/refrigeration. I have no idea when I'm going to have the time or the equipment to do this! I did, admittedly, ask DH to ask her what kind of dessert she'd like me to bring (she's fussy, doesn't like cheesecake (my specialty!) or a whole host of other desserts)... but I expected her to name something I'd actually made before! Like my famous chocolate mousse! Or my even-more-famous pumpkin pie! Or... something I'd heard of!

So a packet salad sounds like a pretty darn good deal right now.

[Blooming]

I didn't read everyones's replys but I would vote to bring the salad and a dish of your choice.

I have to admit that a friend and I once did this to our friend L. Whenever we got together for a pot luck we ask her to just bring bread or a salad. One day when I said it she just kind-of exploded. She had been feeling pretty offended for a while. I had NO idea. We were saying this to her because she was working a full time job and getting her masters so we never wanted to put more on her plate. She thought we hated her food (which is not true she is a great cook). Now when she asks me what she should bring I say whatever you want.

I think you should be free to contribute whatever you want. It is your holiday to.

[Kidzaplenty]

Yep. I agree. A wonderful salad plus something great. If nothing else, you can eat what you bring and enjoy it.

I also agree that it is just one day a year, out of 365 days. I always say, pick your battles. If bringing a salad one day a year is what she wants, I don't see no harm. You can cook your own great meal for you and your family to enjoy.

[stellimamo]

My MIL does something similiar... but she tells me not to bring anything. She cannot cook to save her life (EVERYTHING is from a box). I just started bringing something usually a side and a dessert. I was not going to be the only one that came to a family pitchin and didn't bring a dish.

I'd bring the requested salad and another dish or two you know you and your family would enjoy. I wouldn't even make a big deal about it. Justs how up w/ the extras. To much food is never a problem!

[Jennisee]

Originally Posted by MommyHawk

I think I had a discussion with her last year about how the 'salad' makes me feel and, well, she just called to tell me she wants a salad...

Ouch.

My MIL can be very passive-aggressive and puts up weird power struggles. When her own family started requesting certain dishes of mine, she went out of her way to not let me know a gathering was a potluck or to make the requested dish herself before I had a chance.

From what I've been told by other family members, she feels that my "spicy, exotic" taste in food is a snub to the way she cooks (bland, colorless, no seasoning except salt) and that she got upset when family members "sided with me" by requesting my dishes. I had no idea she was even upset or thought it was a competition until she kept inviting us to gatherings and not telling us they were potlucks.

[HelloKitty]

I think she just doesn't want to impose on you and it has nothing to do with your cooking. I would bring a salad plus something else that I wanted to share.

[HelloKitty]

Originally Posted by stellimamo

My MIL does something similiar... but she tells me not to bring anything.

I usally ask everyone not to bring anything. It actually bothers me a great deal when I have a meal all planned out and people show up with dishes when I asked them not to bring anything. I'm not a pot luck person. It used to drive me insane and my MIL would always show up with her crappy food, finally I just gave up on doing a really nice spread for everyone and I let them bring stuff.

[bobica]

i'd bring a salad and something else too!

[LisainCalifornia]

Originally Posted by anitaj71

Let it go? It's once a year. If you must, do what moondiapers says. Bring a salad and another dish. You never know, ( unless you've asked) she could be doing this to be kind to you. Maybe she is trying to make your life easier. I could make up all sorts of reasons good and bad for the 'why' she does it. Who knows? You could have a kind conversation with her about it. Unless she's a crazy person this could probably be resolved with a simple conversation. Please don't take that the wrong way . . . I don't know your MIL and I know how it is when something is the status quo it's hard to make a change.

I completely agree.

[LisainCalifornia]

Originally Posted by HelloKitty

I think she just doesn't want to impose on you and it has nothing to do with your cooking. I would bring a salad plus something else that I wanted to share.

I agree, she doesn't want to impose and the last thing you should be is offended. If you honestly feel "hurt" I would call her up and have a heart to heart talk with her. She probably feels like she is helping you by not giving you one more thing to take care of for the holidays. That is the "rational" answer.

I cook the whole Thanksgiving and Xmas dinner for my parents and the only thing I ask from them is a "salad" (if even that) because I want to make their lives easier. I work very hard behind the scenes to do this for them, and it is done out of love, not spite.

[Smokering]

Wanted to add: I don't usually 'let' guests bring food if I invite them for dinner, although if they offer I ask them to bring juice or some kind of drink. It doesn't mean I think they're bad cooks--it's usually a combination of not wanting to put them out (the point of having guests being hospitality), and wanting the food to 'match'. Plus, some of them are students/not cooks/very busy.

I wonder if I'm offending people! O.o

[prairiemommy]

I'd do as the others are suggesting - bring a salad and something else.

Perhaps she has a master list of who brings what in her head and it just doesn't change year-to-year. I find that my grandma gets stuck more and more in certain rituals as she ages.