co-mothering

[mrsb422]

Hi, this is my first post so I apologize if I'm a little bit awkward. I am a first-time mommy and have a 5 1/2 month old son who is exclusively breastfed. I am also pumping and donating to my friend's baby who is 2 months younger. She is terminally ill with breast cancer and can no longer breastfeed him. I am not sure of her user name, but I know she loved these boards so I decided to venture in.

Anyway, I was looking to find anyone else who had co-mothered? I have never physically nursed her son, but have given gallons of milk to them. She is dying, most likely won't survive the weekend, and I feel such a huge emotional attachment to her baby. Her sickness has been such a huge weight on my heart and sometimes I feel like my emotions are inappropriately extreme. Do you think this has to do with the hormonal changes with lactation? I am so sad, confused, and just overwhelmed. Looking for some friends who won't judge me.

Thanks and nice to meet you...Jessica

[frog]

I don't post much in this forum but I read here and just wanted to greet and welcome you, and to thank you for what you're doing.

[PatioGardener]

[fek&fuzz]

She is your friend and she's dying, of course you will feel a huge emotional weight. You are doing a wonderful thing for her baby. Welcome to MDC.

[Turkish Kate]

[momtoS]

Welcome, and HUGS to you....this is a very difficult time and you are an awesome friend for helping your friend and her LO.
Of course you have every right to be emotional....
I think I know of the mama you are refering to and it is so sad. HUGS again to you. Wishing you peace. Take care of yourself.

[Flower of Bliss]

to you. You are doing a wonderful thing for her little boy.

We are all so sad about her situation. It is just heartbreaking.

[Tine]

I'm so sorry for what you and your friend -- and her baby and family -- are going through.

As others have said: You're doing an awesome thing. Thank you...on so many levels. And of course you can come here for support!

[Mom2J]

[Marylizah]

I just want to say that that little boy is so, so lucky to have you in his life.

Thank you for doing what you're doing.

Love and light to you and your friend and both of your families.

[ErinsJuneBug]

I would openly talk to her about her wishes - and i think that there would be no greater love for her than to help her husband raise their son. I have breastfed one of my friends babies, but nothing like you are doing. How are YOU feeling? I think that if it is in you, and you arent compromising yourself or your own child...then breastfeeding both would be an benificial thing for all involved.

I'm so sorry about your friend

[turtlewomyn]

Thank you for what you are doing, that is truly wonderful.

I don't think your emotions are abnormal at all. Your friend is dying, she is having to leave behind her children. It is so heartbreaking, and I think as a mother as well it hits you more closely because you can imagine what it might be like to have to do the same thing (I don't know, does that make sense?).

If I can be upset about someone going through this who I have never met (and I am upset about it), then it would be only natural for you to be so emotional about it.

Welcome.

[Meiri]

How could you not have an emotional burden? This is your friend you're losing, as well as being aware that her family is losing her.

What a gift you are to their family though!!!

[mrsb422]

Thanks to everyone for all you said. I know what I'm dong is a good thing and means a lot to my friend. It is a difficult thing to do period just because of the demand on my body, but I would do anything for her and I think she knew that when she originally just asked if I had a few ounces frozen in case her baby got sick. I told her "of course" without hesitation and on my drive home from the hospital that day I thought seriously about the situation and that's when I offered to donate more than just a few ounces. Gavin is about half and half with formula and breastmilk and it is one of the things in my life I have been this proud about. I am sorry I can't give him more, but I just run out. My little tug boat eats like crazy so there is a very high demand.

It is so hard though to suffer such loss - my friend, my truest friend and to know how alone her children will be. Thankfully their father is a really wonderful guy who is as passionate about natural parenting as my friend is. She should have no worries about them being cared for the way that she would want them to be because he will definitely carry out their wishes as a real parenting team. I already miss my friend - she really has been "gone" for over a month due to pain medication and a barrier of care givers - it is very hard to get even a minute with her. She is so tired and in excruciating pain all the time, so she rests a lot - understandably.

I thank you so much for your support. I feel such a loss and no one understands. I feel like I need to scoop up her little guy and just love him all over, but I've only actually met him once since he was born. It is so weird - I feel like I want to explode and like I said, no one understands. Thank you all for your kindness to a perfect stranger. I am really looking forward to getting to make some new friends here :-)

[Caittune]

Oh you are an amazing woman for doing this. I couldn't read and not respond.

[delphiniumpansy]

wow


what a wonderful gift you are giving

[rmzbm]

You're one terrific person!

Welcome to MDC, BTW.

[bullfrog]

Like everyone else has said - thank you for doing what you are doing for your friend. It would be my greatest hope that my friends would work hard to stay in my kids lives if I were to pass. I have thought about that before and it does occur to me that no one knows me the way my friends know me -and I would want my kids to have an opportunity to see me through their eyes.

If you are wondering weather or not it's appropriate to offer breastfeeding her baby - I think there is no harm in that. Maybe a note to the father, letting him know that you are open to the idea if it were something he was interested in.

What a difficult thing for you, it's such a sad situation and it makes me sad too. But take care of yourself, perhaps even speak with a grief counselor. Giving her baby breastmilk connects you and this is a huge loss. peace and .

[Ammaarah]

I think you're fantastic and not abnormal at all to feel so strongly. You're grieving for her, for her baby, and the hormones do make it stronger.

[MamaJenese]

I could not read this and not respond. You are doing such an amazing and beautiful thing for that baby and his Mama. All of you are in my prayers.