Why? Why? Why? Why?!?!?!

[leewd]

Okay. So, my 3yo (3.67yo to be more specific) has discovered the question "Why?" and she is absolutely driving me NUTS!!! *pulling my hair out*

I tried to answer for a while. I've tried just ignoring her (this works in the car when I'm not looking at her), and I have recently resorted to: "Because I said so!"

How do I stop this before my 2yo starts doing it?!?!?!

[fek&fuzz]

You could say "why do you think?"

[Katwoman]

Perhaps someone knows something I don't because my answer to your question is - you don't. My 3 yo has been at it for over a year and my 18 mo old does it too. Sigh ..... and my 3 yo doesn't even really listen to the answer, just likes to say why......

[ruhbehka]

You could try...

"Oh, because." (with a smile)
"Because you're so cute."
"Because I love you so much."
"Because you're three."
"Because you're wearing pink."
"Because the sky is blue."

Or start singing the Beatles song, "Because..."

[DevaMajka]

I understand the feeling! I mean, on one hand, I know that it's developmentally appropriate, and it's a GREAT learning tool for a 3yo to ask "why" about everything.
But on the other hand, it drives me CRAZY to hear the word "why" in response to just about everything I say! lol.

I try to answer most of them, even if they are 'repeats' or I think that ds should know. I've noticed that he likes to hear things explained a few times, in different ways- I'm sure that helps him actually learn the answers.
But I think sometimes he says why just to hear himself talk. hehehe. In those cases, sometimes I'll do the "what do you think" or I'll just give him a blank stare, like "are you seriously asking me that?"
I'll say something like "Be careful with your juice. It could spill and make a big mess" and he'll say "why." Um...why what? lol.

Sometimes I ask him if it's something he really wants to know the answer to, and if he says yes I do my best to answer it. That actually has given me a lot of insight- there have been a few things that I've thought were just saying why to say why, but he's honestly had a question about the situation.

Sometimes I answer "it just is the way it is" for something that I really don't have an answer as to 'why" I just know that it IS.

Oh yeah, the pp reminded me that sometimes I sing the Wizard of Oz song: Because because because because because, because of the wonderful things he does. We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz. etc etc.

[DevaMajka]

oops. didn't mean to do that.

[leewd]

I've tried "why do you think" It sometimes works, but often doesn't.

I think she usually listens to the answers. It's not JUST about hearing herself talk although when she can sense she's pushing our buttons, I can tell she starts doing it just for the reaction.

I've also told her many times that "I don't know why. It just is." She hates this because she geniunely wants to know why the truck in front of us is white (not the best example . . . )

[mamabear&babybear]

I get this quite a bit too. Sometimes I'll try to engage her in a conversation. For lack of a better example I'll use your white car. I'd say something like, " I don't know why the car is white; wouldn't it be fun to magically change it to purple since purple is my favorite color. What is your favorite color?" Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I love Deva33mommy's idea of asking if they really want to know too.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by leewd

I think she usually listens to the answers. It's not JUST about hearing herself talk although when she can sense she's pushing our buttons, I can tell she starts doing it just for the reaction.

I've been known to say "I'm not answering any more why's right now." :
But I try to engage him in some other conversation, if my nerves can handle it. lol.

Oh, and some of the why's! "Mom, why am I not a kangaroo?" "Why do they live on the left side of the road?" "Why are we going down a hill?"
"Why is this road named Kingsway?" Because someone decided that was a good name for a road, honey. lol.

[MtBikeLover]

The president of a company I once worked for took a class on "The 5 Why's". Basically it said that it takes 5 times of asking the question "WHY" before you will get to the answer to any question. My son was in the why stage during this time and I tested it and it was dead on. He would not stop asking why until the 5th question and I realized that by that time, I was finally giving him a great answer to the original question. So I learned how to better answer his questions, which really seemed to lessen the number of whys.

Here is a real life example:

DS: Why are we stopped?
Me: Because the light is red
DS: Why is the light red?
Me: Because the other side is green
DS: Why is the other side green?
Me: Because we have to take turns going through the light.
DS: Why do we have to take turns going through the light?
Me: Because it is the law.
DS: Why is it the law?
Me: Because if we all go through the light at the same time, we will get in an accident........

The answer that I finally gave after the 5th question was the answer he was looking for and really answered the question about why we were stopped.

[leewd]

I've been known to say "I'm not answering any more why's right now."

I tried this last night.

She said "why?"

After that she genuinely tried not to ask for a while (2 minutes?), but she couldn't do it!

I was in such a rush to get them out the door that I finally just yelled at her to stop. Then she called me on it: "Mommy, you yelled at me . . ." AAAHHHHH!!!!!

[Breeder]

I use the same thing my DS's teacher says, (if it's not a legitimate question)

"I wonder."

DS: Why are we going to the store?
Me: To buy some bananas and milk.
DS: Why?
Me: Because we ran out.
DS: Why?
Me: I wonder.

Then I start talking about something else.

Me: Did you see that big truck?

[ShaggyDaddy]

Personally I would answer the "whys" untill I was too hoarse to talk. I tend to really enjoy digging deep into explanations, meanings, and mysteries. In the past when we have jumpped on the "why train" it has ended up with looking something up and learning something new. It's a great exercise for everyone involved.

I think it is awesome to foster genuine curiosity even at the cost of sometimes suffering from "stall tactic abuse" :P

[proudmamanow]

DD age 2.5 has been at this with a vengeance for about 3 months now. It's mostly pretty funny, and I really do enjoy being given the opportunity to reflect on some of the deeper questions (like why do we go to Quaker meeting etc.). But it can be quite wearing as well, no doubt about it. I have noticed with dd that it goes up exponentially when she is tired or trying to get my attention (like I'm reading the paper or a magazine when she is around) or when she is bored in the car. We try to have fun with it, and the varying explanations can be hilarious. That's the moon in the sky. "Why is the moon there?" Me: launch into lengthy explanation of planets. To which dd asks again "why?" Dp: because its magic. That usually stops the questions
Also I find that how much I enjoy it or not has a lot to do with how rested, centred, well fed etc. I am....

[wondermama]

I use a technique I learned from a Waldorf kindergarten teacher -- she would answer the inevitable whys with "Hmmm....I wonder...." and said often the children would supply their own answers -- this has actually worked with my little ones -- also I've learned to answer questions a bit more poetically than factually (for the under seven set, anyway) -- this is also a Waldorf technique and the reasoning behind it is that small children are still very much in "picture consciousness" if we answer in too wordy or "adult" a fashion they won't be satisfied, but answering with a little story or an image seems to do the trick.

Example: Why is the sky blue? Because the angels (or fairies, or sky king, or whatever) decided that was the prettiest color of all and stretched it over for the whole world to see! Why do trees grow so tall? Because they're reaching up to feel the breeze. Why do I have to wear a coat? So your tummy doesn't freeze and the birds can't use it for a skating rink...etc.

This sounds really simple (or even silly if you're not used to it) but it really works. As the kids get older, I start to answer more factually, but I'm comfortable with supporting them in their "picture consciousness" stage and letting the more factual, adult explanations come in when they're more ready to hear them.

[LaLaLaLa]

My dh is a MASTER at stopping the whys--I can't quite put a finger on how he does it! I think he gives a convoluted enough explanation of something that my dd gives up trying to find a way to question what he's said.

A typical conversation between me and 3-year-old dd:
Me: "Let's go upstairs!"
Dd: "Why?"
Me: "Because you need to get dressed."
Dd: "Why?"
Me: "Because we're going out and it will be cold."
Dd: "Why?
Me: "Because we live in New England and it's wintertime."
Dd: "Why?"

Etc. The same conversation between dh and dd:

Dh: "Let's go upstairs!"
Dd: "Why?"
Dh: "To get dressed!"
Dd: "Why?"
Dh: "Well, because we're going to the store. And there are signs on the door that say you have to be dressed in order to get in. And are you dressed yet? No! So we'd better hurry because there are important things that we need to get at the store and if we don't get there before it gets dark and the store closes, we might not have the ingredients to make special hot chocolate for after dinner tonight. Ready? Let's go!"

End of conversation as dd races upstairs to get dressed, having been distracted from her question by the excitement of going to the store and having hot chocolate or whatever. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to think in this way, although I'm trying and it really does help!

Oh, and if it's a situation where she really does want to know something, we always try to answer her. But often she gets into the "why" game just because she's bored or doesn't feel like doing whatever we are asking her to do, and I think she senses that it drives us wild. So that's when we do the distraction thing.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Mine is 3.5. I've said "Because I said so!" a few times in the past week or so...

[violet]

I love the responses - great ideas mamas. I've tried combinations of most of the above. I try to answer honestly and informatively as much as possible, but I have found my DD is sometimes digging for an answer she expects, or has heard before and enjoys the repetition. And sometimes she leads us on a trail of questions that I know will go nowhere, so I try to interrupt to flow with a funny story. ie
DD: why is that fence like that?
me: like what
dd: why does it have holes?
me: you mean the broken parts?
dd: yah, why?
me: because it is old
dd: but why
Now where do I go from here? discuss the nature of wood and how it decays and some people don't repair things?
instead I made up a silly story about how the cows in the pasture were playing ring around the rosie and got dizzy and fell into the fence and broke it. She loved it. I then had to repeat the story every time we drove past that fence for the next 3 weeks. We later moved and didn't drive that way anymore, but recently did, and you know what - she remembered the story. It's been at least a year or more since I told her that story. And it reminded me of that time when every other word was why -- and you know what, she doesn't do it nearly as much now. I do like the turning it back on their own logic and imagination - let them come up with answers they like sometimes, but they need to learn how to do that first. Now she's answering her little brother's why's with her own imaginative answers. So have hope. YOu are teaching her so much now.

[JulieK]

DS does this constantly. I usually answer him a few times and if he persists i just change the subject. Oh, and his big thing now is, "what are you talking about?"

[hempmama]

We are right there with you. All of our previous wonderfully poetic techniques completely fail now- why do you think, or I wonder, any of that, "I don't know. I want YOU to tell me." I still love the traffic light sorts, but so many of them these days are really just sort of tricky whines. I'm hoping this means it's coming to an end; generally when everything stops working, and I get really annoyed with a phase, it's on its way out.