The Last Straw

[636Jen]

Today, Dakota's public school teacher called me today and said:

Dakota won the lottery today. He gets to take home the mealworms over winter break as part of our life cycle lesson. Please bring a kitchen towel to our party tomorrow so that you can take the container home without it freezing the bugs.


So, I tell her that it's no problem, and I'll see her tomorrow for the class party. I have not told her, obviously, that we are planning to homeschool at the beginning of January.

Dakota came home very upset from the bus stop. When I asked what was wrong, he showed me a note from the teacher saying:

I'm sorry to tell you that Dakota will NOT be taking the mealworms home with him tomorrow. I told him several times NOT to talk and he did not listen. I need to know that he can be under control to take care of our living creatures. Please sign this paper and return it tomorrow.





So my first reaction is to fire off a hate e-mail to her...lol Of course, I didn't do that but I'm so irritated by this. This is exactly the reason I want him out of that school. Nothing but NEGATIVE reinforcements! Who does that to a 7 year old? It wasn't like she said, "Dakota, you got picked from the lottery. If you behave and listen all day, you will be allowed to take the mealworms home after class tomorrow. I mean HELLOOOOOOO.....psychology 101 says:

"There are four types of reinforcement: positive, negative, punishment, and extinction. Research has found positive reinforcement is the most powerful of any of these. Adding a positive to increase a response not only works better, but allows both parties to focus on the positive aspects of the situation. Punishment, when applied immediately following the negative behavior can be effective, but results in extinction when it is not applied consistently. Punishment can also invoke other negative responses such as anger and resentment."

I was going to wait until the first week of January (only so Sydney can have her 5th birthday party at school) to take the kids out of school but now it's definitely going to be Friday.

Uggh, this whole situation just breaks my heart.




Jen

[Ruthla]

Can you go to a pet store and buy some mealworms for a science project at home? I think they sell them as reptile feed.

[elizawill]

aw, big hugs to you mama.

that makes me angry for you too!

[SandyBeachBums]

What a grumpy-bumpy...

I think some meal worms or stick bugs would be a great start to the new school year!!!

[grahamsmom98]

I'm sorry to tell you that Dakota will NOT be taking the mealworms home with him tomorrow. I told him several times NOT to talk and he did not listen. I need to know that he can be under control to take care of our living creatures. Please sign this paper and return it tomorrow.

What the heck does talking in class have to do with taking care of mealworms?? I mean, they're WORMS, for gosh sakes!! Talking in class is a different issue.

Personally, I would NOT sign that paper (what is the paper for, anyway???).

I WOULD contact the teacher AND her supervisor (the principal?) and meet with them to discuss her conduct. She said that your son won the lottery and was to be allowed to take home the mealworms. THAT is a separate issue from talking in class and needs to be respected. He won this opportunity by luck of the draw, not because of behaviour. The two have no connection.

The mealworms are his to care for, by right.

At the end of the meeting, I would then explain that you are planning on pulling him from school. This incident was the final incentive that convinced you this is the right dicision. Apparently, his teacher is unable to maintain order in her classroom unless intimidation is used, with promises retracted and the inability to contact you directly with her concerns. You certainly do not wish to have your son to be exposed to such an adult role model.

[Coyote star]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98

What the heck does talking in class have to do with taking care of mealworms?? I mean, they're WORMS, for gosh sakes!! Talking in class is a different issue.

Personally, I would NOT sign that paper (what is the paper for, anyway???).

I had the same question. How, exactly is revoking the mealworms a logical consequence for talking? What? are the mealworms super sensitive to sound and they'll go insane without silence? Sheesh.

I wouldn't sign the paper either, but I would call the teacher to explain why not, otherwise nothing your child (who's already been branded some sort of horrible troublemaker ) says will make her believe that he didn't intentionally lose the paper.

Have fun homeschooling!!

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by 636Jen

I'm sorry to tell you that Dakota will NOT be taking the mealworms home with him tomorrow. I told him several times NOT to talk and he did not listen. I need to know that he can be under control to take care of our living creatures. Please sign this paper and return it tomorrow.

That is a very disturbing note. I would not sign it. But I have never been in your shoes.

I might just quietly withdraw my son without fuss.

[mattemma04]

I would just pull, and surpise your child with a trip to the pet store for some.I got a huge amount online once from GRUBCO.Got them and wax worms and maybe some maggots. We could only keep the mealworms alive long enough to cycle.It was neat to see them in each stage.Hmmm,maybe we will get some too.

After having a depressing meeting today at my ds's school I personally don't think it is worth it especially since you plan to hs.No matter what you say they will go on doing as they have.It might make YOU feel better though if you tell them how inappropriate the entire thing was.

Also, you could always pull one right away,and the other child later(after the party).I am pulling my ds from K,and my dd was stay for a while longer.

[Mongoose]

I think I wouldnt even make him finish out the week if I honestly felt he was being treated harshly. I would just pick up his stuff tomorrow, and then do like others said and have your own fun science time with your own mealworms at home. Why wait and continue the frustration? And like mattemma said leave your dd in if you want so she can have her party if that is what she wants too. It sounds like your main problem is with your DS's teacher not DD's. So I would let her stay if she wants....

[MaShroom]

I think the most depressing thing, aside of course, from what the teacher did to Dakota, which was deplorable, is that even if you called her on it, she probably wouldn't get it. I doubt she would understand what she did wrong. I'm sorry that happened, but it does reinforce the decision to hs, doesn't it? Now he can have all the wormies and bugs he wants.

[Wolfmeis]

Originally Posted by shroomama

I think the most depressing thing, aside of course, from what the teacher did to Dakota, which was deplorable, is that even if you called her on it, she probably wouldn't get it. I doubt she would understand what she did wrong. I'm sorry that happened, but it does reinforce the decision to hs, doesn't it? Now he can have all the wormies and bugs he wants.

Yes it does. And you're absolutely right; I bet I know what his first life science project will be!

[636Jen]

Pfft....maybe I'll just feed those mealworms to my Geckos....hahaha

Thank you all for the responses. I really needed to feel like someone was on my side. I just don't know how to word this letter. Her letter starts out with, "I'm sorry to tell you ....." and I thought of having my letter say, "I'm ECSTATIC to tell you that Dakota will no longer suffer from low self-esteem from being in your class." HA! I guess that's just my anger speaking. If anyone has ideas on how to start this letter, I appreciate it. If you think PMing me would be better () then that's fine too. I need to have the letter done by tomorrow at 2:00 because that's when I need to go in for their class party. Right now I'm so angry that all I can come up with is non-PC things to say.

[Coyote star]

Originally Posted by 636Jen

Pfft....maybe I'll just feed those mealworms to my Geckos....hahaha

Thank you all for the responses. I really needed to feel like someone was on my side. I just don't know how to word this letter. Her letter starts out with, "I'm sorry to tell you ....." and I thought of having my letter say, "I'm ECSTATIC to tell you that Dakota will no longer suffer from low self-esteem from being in your class." HA! I guess that's just my anger speaking. If anyone has ideas on how to start this letter, I appreciate it. If you think PMing me would be better () then that's fine too. I need to have the letter done by tomorrow at 2:00 because that's when I need to go in for their class party. Right now I'm so angry that all I can come up with is non-PC things to say.

My personal opinion and free advice on the subject (and you get what you pay for, with that) is to make it very very clear that your decision to HS is not based on her inappropriate discipline in the mealworm controversy. To do so, I fear, would trivialize your decision to HS.

You don't need to defend your choice to HS, you don't need to gain her approval. Simply state the fact that you're withdrawing your child from school (not even necessarily "her class"). Then, mention the fact that you received her letter about the mealworms, and discussed it with your son. Mention that neither you nor your son could find the link between the offense of talking with the punishment of revoking a prize won. Leave it at that. Don't link the incident to HSing, as tempting as it may be.

Anyway, that's my advice.

[rmzbm]

I'm sorry... She sounds...well...you'll enjoy HSing!

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by Coyote star

My personal opinion and free advice on the subject (and you get what you pay for, with that) is to make it very very clear that your decision to HS is not based on her inappropriate discipline in the mealworm controversy. To do so, I fear, would trivialize your decision to HS.

You don't need to defend your choice to HS, you don't need to gain her approval. Simply state the fact that you're withdrawing your child from school (not even necessarily "her class"). Then, mention the fact that you received her letter about the mealworms, and discussed it with your son. Mention that neither you nor your son could find the link between the offense of talking with the punishment of revoking a prize won. Leave it at that. Don't link the incident to HSing, as tempting as it may be.

Anyway, that's my advice.

This exactly. Also, why don't you give invitations out tomorrow for her birthday party and have it somewhere or at home. Then, she still gets her birthday party and gets to stay home.

Lisa

[636Jen]

Sigh.....I know it would probably be a bad idea to link her behavior to my reasons for homeschooling but I'm just so angry. I'm working on the letter now. I'll post it when it's "PC" enough.

If you wouldn't mind critiquing the letter, I'd really appreciate it!

[redhen]

I totally agree with what grahamsmom98 said. I'm sorry that your son was subjected to that, how awful!

For your home bug project you could also do butterflies! We just got a caterpillar to butterfly kit from naturegifts.com & it is SO fun! They'll only ship during fair weather though.

[Mel38]

Originally Posted by Coyote star

Don't link the incident to HSing, as tempting as it may be.

I would agree with that suggestion.

I might have missed this in the thread, but is there a reason why you need to write a letter? Is that part of the HS requirements for withdrawing from PS?

When I have to talk to someone involved with the school about my family's choice to HS, I try to summarize it in a way that doesn't only relate to PS. I try to give them reasons that are really personal for our family, because I don't want them to a) feel criticized or put down, or b) try to engage me in a discussion about pros and cons. I have those kinds of discussions with my friends and family, not with school acquaintances. And, for me it is important that our choice to HS was not only a reaction - it was an idea on its own, you know?

Good luck with the letter writing and have fun homeschooling!!

[636Jen]

Originally Posted by Mel38

I would agree with that suggestion.

I might have missed this in the thread, but is there a reason why you need to write a letter? Is that part of the HS requirements for withdrawing from PS?

No reason other than my anger towards the school. A little closure doesn't hurt either. It seems that people mostly regret things they haven't done... I don't want to regret NOT telling the teacher how disgusted I am with her choice.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by 636Jen

Pfft....maybe I'll just feed those mealworms to my Geckos....hahaha

Thank you all for the responses. I really needed to feel like someone was on my side. I just don't know how to word this letter. Her letter starts out with, "I'm sorry to tell you ....." and I thought of having my letter say, "I'm ECSTATIC to tell you that Dakota will no longer suffer from low self-esteem from being in your class." HA! I guess that's just my anger speaking. If anyone has ideas on how to start this letter, I appreciate it. If you think PMing me would be better () then that's fine too. I need to have the letter done by tomorrow at 2:00 because that's when I need to go in for their class party. Right now I'm so angry that all I can come up with is non-PC things to say.

"To whom it may concern (or the principal's name)

As of {this date}, {students' names} will no longer be attending {school name}. I will be educating them at home for the duration of the 2007/2008 school year.

{parent's name}"

Leave all your reasons out of it- make the letter simple, clear, and to the point.