Can child lead weaning happen at 12 months? - Page 3

[Renai]

Originally Posted by nyxx

no. there's a difference between subjective guilt and objective reasons.
maybe i don't find the right words to express it, because i'm no english native speaker.




yes, of course, because there is no child-led choice. if you make a decision you have to see different opportunities. do you think a 12 month old baby can compare alternatives in such a way?




no, it's only offering explanations.

I don't know how to multi quote, and I did not know this was going to turn into an argument.

One: Please re-read people's posts. The objective reason is the child completely refused the breast.

Two: When opportunities are presented to the child, and the baby chooses one thing or another (breast or not), I can only assume there is some rudimentary beginnings of comparisons. I haven't yet seen a 12 month old child that was not able to tell you in some form or another that they like or dislike something.

Three: You must be confusing me with someone else. There are moms that do choose to wean they're children (gently or no), but I was not one of them. It was a loss for the both of us. My dd was conceived by rape, and breastfeeding was one of the decisions I purposely made from the beginning of pregnancy to help with bonding with her. I did not want the way she was conceived to interfere with our relationship. It was very hard to be rejected in that way. I always wondered if she innately knew the violence in which she was conceived. You may interpret that as subjective guilt if you wish.

Renai

[Renai]

Originally Posted by Kessed

I think that once kids can move on their own and start to explore their world - they will start to eat more and more solid food. My DD started walking at 9 months. So it makes sense to me that she would want to find some of her own food.

I still beleive that it would be normal for her to keep nursing for another year or two. And maybe she will. But she's not a baby who likes to cuddle. She has never nursed for comfort (I had too much milk at the beginning). So she doesn't get alot out of it anymore. She's rather have a nice power cuddle and go back to playing.

I was coming back on to ask you how mobile she was! My dd was also an early walker (8 months), but I have no idea if that was a factor. She was extremely active! I don't understand how it would be a factor, knowing that extended nursers children are obviously walking, too. She also was not a cuddler, would often push me away when she was done. She enjoyed being carried in the sling though. I don't remember how she comforted herself (she's 8yo now). She didn't have a pacifier, and she didn't suck her thumb until she was older.

Renai

[nyxx]

Originally Posted by Renai

The objective reason is the child completely refused the breast.

no, that's not a reason, that's an effect. i was talking about the reasons why the child refuses the breast.

When opportunities are presented to the child, and the baby chooses one thing or another (breast or not), I can only assume there is some rudimentary beginnings of comparisons. I haven't yet seen a 12 month old child that was not able to tell you in some form or another that they like or dislike something.

sure. but is the decision if the child likes to eat an apple or a grape the same type as the decision to wean or to continue nursing?

My dd was conceived by rape, and breastfeeding was one of the decisions I purposely made from the beginning of pregnancy to help with bonding with her. I did not want the way she was conceived to interfere with our relationship. It was very hard to be rejected in that way. I always wondered if she innately knew the violence in which she was conceived.

maybe i understand now why you feel offended by what i wrote.

You may interpret that as subjective guilt if you wish.

no. i'm not talking about guilt. there is no guilt. why should i (or anyone else) blame a mother?
i don't know why people always think there should be someone responsible for the things that happen.

[daniedb]

Originally Posted by Attached Mama

I think the key in "indignantgirl"s nephew's situation was "He was an excellent eater". Weaning is by definition giving solid foods or anything instead of breast milk. So sometimes giving solids will cause a child to wean.

If you really want to EBF then don't give a lot of solids prior to a year old. Our dd never had 3 meals a day until after a year old, and even then they were small. She didn't start eating other protein/fat foods very much at all until after 18 months old. I figured that was more natural than babyfood that had been cooked to death.

I think in our society, it's easy to forget how unnatural most baby food is. It's cooked so long that it contains very little vitamins/minerals. It's really empty calories in comparison to breast milk. IMHO if you can't feed it to a baby without some fancy contraption (overcooking, blending, grinding) then the baby isn't ready for it yet. Peggy O'Mara says in Natural Family Living to let food be like condiments for the first year. I was happy to read this because we were just following our instincts and what seemed natural in not giving many solids prior to 1 year -and we were getting a lot of criticism for it.

Now our dd showed signs of being ready for solids at 4 months old. We held off til 6 months. And then we started slowly. We'd always just give her little bits of fruit or whatever off of our plates. But only a bite or two. We always nursed before meals and she was used to that being her primary nourishment and the food just something extra and fun.

Also, in "the olden days" babies generally didn't get many solids at all til after a year old.

So I don't think babies self-wean prior to 1 year. I think it's more that they are given a lot of solids, which is a weaning technique, tho most people don't realize it.

That is definitely a contributor to many babies' early weaning, but again, my first is the exception to this. He didn't start any solids at all until he was 8 months old, and then it was simply prepared whole foods (avocado, baked squash, lightly baked apples) and he was never into eating much. He didn't begin eating 3 times per day until after he was about 16 months. For 5 months after we began solids, he still nursed every 3 hours during the day, and after every solid food intake. So, for us, it really didn't have any correlation with solids.

Little man, OTOH, could grub food all day long...he is the biggest eater I've ever seen. I wanted to wait until he was a year old to introduce solids, but he was starving, and at 9 months, I finally started feeding him solid foods. He eats enormous amounts, and still wants his nursies! Kids are funny.

[Renai]

Originally Posted by nyxx

no. i'm not talking about guilt. there is no guilt. why should i (or anyone else) blame a mother?
i don't know why people always think there should be someone responsible for the things that happen.

Then perhaps I misunderstood you. I interpreted your comment about there always being a reason, an influence, to effect a child's nursing as meaning someone is responsible for the weaning to happen. Going through other posts again, I see other factors mentioned: AF, milk supply, etc. I think mine had to do with milk supply decreasing.

I didn't realize how much this had effected me, 8 years later, until I started reading this thread. I'm sorry for reacting hostile.

Renai

[Kessed]

Originally Posted by Renai

I was coming back on to ask you how mobile she was! My dd was also an early walker (8 months), but I have no idea if that was a factor. She was extremely active! I don't understand how it would be a factor, knowing that extended nursers children are obviously walking, too. She also was not a cuddler, would often push me away when she was done. She enjoyed being carried in the sling though. I don't remember how she comforted herself (she's 8yo now). She didn't have a pacifier, and she didn't suck her thumb until she was older.

Renai

That sounds alot like my DD.

When she was first born I have a HUGE supply. She would want to comfort nurse - and I would put her on the emptiest breast - but she would still get lots of milk. She would unlatch - spit this out and cry and cry. I would finally offer her my little finger to suck on instead. She was very clear. When she would fuss I would offer her my little finger. If she spat it out then she wanted to nurse - and she would, without fail. If she wanted comfort - then she would happily suck. We waited until 6 weeks to offer her a soother. I spent most of those fist 6 weeks walking around with her in the sling and my little finger in her mouth. DH and I learned to sleep with 1 arm bent so that our pinkies were there for her. If she wanted comfort - she would scream when offered the breast.

A 5 second cuddle is about all I ever get. I get alot of them - but they are short. She even signs 'hug' at me. And then she signs 'up'. (She's had that 2 word phrase since 11 months) I pick her up and cuddle - she hugs back for 2 seconds and then she pushes away and wants down.

When I nurse her to sleep in bed - I can't touch her. If I put my hand on her she unlatches, grabs my hand and 'throws' it away from her. That makes me so sad.

Most of our cuddles are spent sitting face to face on the couch or on the floor and interacting. She loves that. She loves to sit next to me on the couch and read books - but not on my lap. And heaven forbid I try to put my arm around her.

I've learned that she's her own person. She's not a touchy feely person. She's very loving. She just doesn't like too much contact - she does like the sling/wrap though. I think she knows that it's not my arms which are holding her. I don't know. She's a weird kid.

[Kay11]

Originally Posted by nyxx

so do you really think it is "child led" that mom goes back to work...?

You know, this really upsets me. This issue has come up on this board before. You know, some of us HAVE NO CHOICE, quite literally none, about returning to work. I've had to with both my kids but I still firmly believe that I'm practising CLW because they had/have unlimited access to the breast when I'm home. Your statement is really hurtful to me. I spend all day wondering how to do the best by my kids and my best is to work so they can have a roof over their heads, while offering everything I have of me when I'm home, which I am as much as possible.

[Roxswood]

I see people on this thread feeling hurt by statements that seem to me to be nothing like how they are being interpreted.

Saying that going back to work is not child led, doesn't mean to me that you can't still be practising child led weaning to the best of your ability, it simply means the child had no say in whether you went back to work or not. It also doesn't ascribe blame or say that you as a mother had any real choice in the matter either, its simply a statement that the child was not in control of that part of the family life.

[Kay11]

Originally Posted by Roxswood

I see people on this thread feeling hurt by statements that seem to me to be nothing like how they are being interpreted.

Saying that going back to work is not child led, doesn't mean to me that you can't still be practising child led weaning to the best of your ability, it simply means the child had no say in whether you went back to work or not. It also doesn't ascribe blame or say that you as a mother had any real choice in the matter either, its simply a statement that the child was not in control of that part of the family life.

I can see how you've interpreted it that way, but I didn't at all given that the comment was made in the context of CLW. The context of that statement was

so do you really think it is "child led" that mom goes back to work...?

when you are at work your baby has no chance to nurse (on demand). you know this before, your baby feels it.
don't get me wrong, i'm not talking about blame and guilt. i only want to show you that babies react to outer circumstances, they are influenced by their environment. so i still wouldn't call this self weaning.

So the implication is that those of us who aren't fortunate enough to spend 24/7 with our babies cannot say that they self weaned. Well that's how I read it anyway. It all comes down, yet again, to the definition of CLW.

[nyxx]

Originally Posted by Kay11

You know, this really upsets me.

it was not my intention.

You know, some of us HAVE NO CHOICE, quite literally none, about returning to work.

sure, i know. but this was not the OP's question.

I've had to with both my kids but I still firmly believe that I'm practising CLW because they had/have unlimited access to the breast when I'm home.

this is really great. but no one said that you're not practising CLW.

Your statement is really hurtful to me.

why? because i describe something? i'm not judging, i'm only descibing.
what is wrong with my question "so do you really think it is "child led" that mom goes back to work...?" ? my answer to this question is: no, it is not child led, babies would like to stay together with their moms all day and all night, being able to nurse on demand. what is the problem with this statement? why does it hurt someone when i descibe the child's view?

i know that life isn't always like we want it to be, sometimes we don't have the choice to take the better alternative and so we have to arrange with the worse one.
but is it forbidden to talk about it? did i say "oh, you're a bad mother because you went back to work"? no, i only said that being separated from the child for some hours doesn't fulfill the child's nursing needs in an optimal way. and that's an obvious fact.

Originally Posted by Roxswood

I see people on this thread feeling hurt by statements that seem to me to be nothing like how they are being interpreted.

Saying that going back to work is not child led, doesn't mean to me that you can't still be practising child led weaning to the best of your ability, it simply means the child had no say in whether you went back to work or not. It also doesn't ascribe blame or say that you as a mother had any real choice in the matter either, its simply a statement that the child was not in control of that part of the family life.

thank you.

Originally Posted by Kay11

So the implication is that those of us who aren't fortunate enough to spend 24/7 with our babies cannot say that they self weaned. Well that's how I read it anyway. It all comes down, yet again, to the definition of CLW.

nononono, this is how you read it, but it's not what i have said. i said that if a 1 year old baby loses interest in nursing and seems to "self wean" one possible factor that influenced the baby's behaviour is the separation, and this circumstance can be caused by going to work again.
this has nothing to do with "being fortunated". from the child's view there is no difference whether you want to go to work or have to go to work again. you are not there (no matter why!), the child has to adapt to the situation, and so the child changes the nursing behaviour. no more and no less.

[Kessed]

She said:

I've had to with both my kids but I still firmly believe that I'm practising CLW because they had/have unlimited access to the breast when I'm home.

You said:

Originally Posted by nyxx

this is really great. but no one said that you're not practising CLW.

But you did say that you can't practice CLW if you do something like go back to work here:

what is wrong with my question "so do you really think it is "child led" that mom goes back to work...?" ? my answer to this question is: no, it is not child led, babies would like to stay together with their moms all day and all night, being able to nurse on demand.

Please keep your story straight...

You are saying that anyone who leaves there child at any time will be influencing their baby's nursing... So basically - you are saying that if you ever leave your baby - then they no longer have unlimited access and you cannot practice CLW. That's fine - if that's what you think. Personally I don't think that there is much room in practical life for suck an extreme view.

I went back to work. I went back to work because otherwise my child would not have a place to live. Our morgage is less than the rent in our city. So it's the cheapest solution for us.

I did go back to work during a time when my baby had nursed. But she would nurse for 2 or 3 minutes as she fell asleep for her nap. So maybe that has controbuted to her now (3 months later) being day weaned. But she was offered a bottle of EBM at the same time. And if she was interested in continuing to nurse - I feel that she would have been happy to twice a week take a bottle. But over the last month or so - she has started to refuse that bottle. DH will prepare it and she is more interested in watching the milk drip from the bottle nipple than drinking from it. She behaves the same way with it as she does with my breast.

I think that it is perfectly natural for toddlers to have to adjust to their mom's being gone for periods of 4 or 5 hours. Think of a village. At some point the mother's who no longer have newborns need to re-enter the labor pool to do things like help with the harvest or planting. Their toddlers are then left with older girls or the 'grandmothers' while the mother works. It is unrealistic to expect that a mother would do nothing but be with her child for an indefinite period of time.

So I guess I would say that as long as the child has full access while the mother is around - then it is CLW. Some babies will choose to continue nursing regardless. Other babies will decide it's not worth their time. That's still the baby's choice.

I think that when a baby is born their needs/wants need to be considered 100% in the relationship. As they grow older - it become more of split relationship between them and their parents. At some points some of the parents needs will come before the child's. Like - I will now pee before I nurse DD rather than after. When she was a newborn I would have waited.

[nyxx]

Originally Posted by Kessed

But you did say that you can't practice CLW if you do something like go back to work here

no, i didn't say that. there's a difference between child led in general and child led weaning. it is not the child's decision that the mother goes to work. this decision is not led by the child. right?

You are saying that anyone who leaves there child at any time will be influencing their baby's nursing... So basically - you are saying that if you ever leave your baby - then they no longer have unlimited access and you cannot practice CLW.

you say: "So I guess I would say that as long as the child has full access while the mother is around - then it is CLW."

where's the difference?

Personally I don't think that there is much room in practical life for suck an extreme view.

why is nursing on demand something extreme? it's natural.

I think that it is perfectly natural for toddlers to have to adjust to their mom's being gone for periods of 4 or 5 hours.

i don't think that 1 year old children are ready for separations of this lenght.

Think of a village. At some point the mother's who no longer have newborns need to re-enter the labor pool to do things like help with the harvest or planting. Their toddlers are then left with older girls or the 'grandmothers' while the mother works.

no, they take their children with them.

It is unrealistic to expect that a mother would do nothing but be with her child for an indefinite period of time.

why should she do "nothing"? she can work with the child around (yes, i know, this is not possible with all kinds of jobs).

So I guess I would say that as long as the child has full access while the mother is around - then it is CLW. Some babies will choose to continue nursing regardless. Other babies will decide it's not worth their time. That's still the baby's choice.

sorry, i don't understand this. regardless? worth time?
as i wrote in my first posting, the baby wouldn't survive at this age without breastmilk. do you think babies can decide to commit suicide?
look at the biological facts, not at cultural circumstances.

[Kessed]

Originally Posted by nyxx

no, i didn't say that. there's a difference between child led in general and child led weaning. it is not the child's decision that the mother goes to work. this decision is not led by the child. right?

YOU DID. You did say that. I'm not going to quote you again. Read your posts. You clearly say that if the mother goes back to work then it isn't CLW.

why is nursing on demand something extreme? it's natural.

Nice try on twisting my words.

Nursing on demand for 5 years is pretty extreme and it's not very natural. Maybe it's a matter of timing. But when my DD was an infant I nursed her (when at home) within seconds of her wanting to nurse. And when we were out as soon as I could find a place to sit. AS she got older she had some capacity to wait. So I don't think that it's too much to ask her now to wait for 5 minutes while I finish getting supper in the oven.

I don't think that it's very normal for the mother to NEVER leave her child until the child is 100% weaned - and that's what you are suggesting. By your logic - someone cannot claim they did CLW if the ever (even once) left their nursling.

i don't think that 1 year old children are ready for separations of this lenght.

Well - do you want to send us money to pay our mortgage then?

no, they take their children with them.

No - they don't. Have you ever visited an actual village? I have family which has spent some significant time in an African village. Once babies are very mobile (walking and stuff) they start to join the little gangs of other toddlers and are watched by people who aren't of a productive age for other labor. Now - due to being carried so much - they walk on average later than children here do. But not that much later.

sorry, i don't understand this. regardless? worth time?
as i wrote in my first posting, the baby wouldn't survive at this age without breastmilk. do you think babies can decide to commit suicide?
look at the biological facts, not at cultural circumstances.

What??? That is so ridiculous.

Babies do die from 'failure to thrive'. Some babies don't eat enough to live.

My child was eating enough to sustain life. But she wasn't eating near enough for optimal growth. She wouldn't have dies if we hadn't introduced cow milk. But she probably would have suffered from a lower IQ than otherwise, smaller stature, weaker muscles and skeleten. There are MANY effects of sub optimal nutrition which are compatible with life.

[nyxx]

Originally Posted by Kessed

YOU DID. You did say that. I'm not going to quote you again. Read your posts. You clearly say that if the mother goes back to work then it isn't CLW.

again: i talked about child led in general, not about CLW in this context. you should read my posts, too.

Nice try on twisting my words.

you started...

Nursing on demand for 5 years is pretty extreme and it's not very natural.

why 5 years? we talked about 1 year old children. remember the OP's question?

Maybe it's a matter of timing. But when my DD was an infant I nursed her (when at home) within seconds of her wanting to nurse. And when we were out as soon as I could find a place to sit. AS she got older she had some capacity to wait. So I don't think that it's too much to ask her now to wait for 5 minutes while I finish getting supper in the oven.

i agree. but you can only ask to wait for 5 minutes when the child already has a sense of time. which 12 months old baby knows what 5 minutes are?

I don't think that it's very normal for the mother to NEVER leave her child until the child is 100% weaned - and that's what you are suggesting. By your logic - someone cannot claim they did CLW if the ever (even once) left their nursling.

no, i did not suggest this. why 100 % weaned?
as you said, it's a matter of timing and age.

Well - do you want to send us money to pay our mortgage then?

why so cynical? do you think comments like this are helpful in an objective discussion?

No - they don't. Have you ever visited an actual village? I have family which has spent some significant time in an African village. Once babies are very mobile (walking and stuff) they start to join the little gangs of other toddlers and are watched by people who aren't of a productive age for other labor. Now - due to being carried so much - they walk on average later than children here do. But not that much later.

which age are we talking about now? don't compare apples and oranges. i was talking about 1 year old children. when does being "very mobile (walking and stuff)" starts? aaaah...
do you know the nursing frequency of these children at the time when they are carried around and later when they join the gangs?

What??? That is so ridiculous.

right. it is ridiculous, and that's what i wanted to show. babies at this age are not able to "decide" in an elaborate way. they don't decide "oh, today i want to wean".

Babies do die from 'failure to thrive'. Some babies don't eat enough to live.

sure. but they don't decide to do it.

There are MANY effects of sub optimal nutrition which are compatible with life.

did i say anything else?
but don't mix up effects and causes...

[Kessed]

NYXX:

OK. You seem to be missing the point.

Let me try again.

You made this claim:

so do you really think it is "child led" that mom goes back to work...?
children feel these changes, they cooperate with their mother's wishes. jesper juul describes these subconscious cooperations in: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0374527903/

when you are at work your baby has no chance to nurse (on demand). you know this before, your baby feels it.
don't get me wrong, i'm not talking about blame and guilt. i only want to show you that babies react to outer circumstances, they are influenced by their environment. so i still wouldn't call this self weaning.
there is always an outer reason why they decrease or stop nursing at that age.

Maybe you want to take back that statement. But the way it is - you are saying that if a woman goes back to work - she cannot claim that her child self weaned.

I object to that.

I respect that my child has an active part to play in her life. She's had an active role since the very beginning. She's had likes and dislikes since hour 1. She had already almost day weaned herself BEFORE I went back to work. She was also sleeping almost through the night BEFORE I went back to work - which limits how much she nurses at night.

I would put this forward. My actions (going back to work) maybe have sped up the rate at which my DD is choosing to wean at. But it is still her choice. I am home all this week for Christmas holidays. She isn't nursing any more now than she does during weeks when I go to work 2 afternoons. But still has as much access to my breasts orto EBM (if I'm not there) as she wants. We cosleep - she could nurse all night long. I don't limit her in any way at night. I'm willing (and actively offer) to nurse her to sleep for every nap I'm there for. I am home every morning - and she could nurse then, as much as she wants. We don't go out very often (we've been on a 'date' 3 times since she was born - so she's been left with someone other than DH or I a grand total of 3 times).

Despite all of that - she chooses not to nurse during the day. In fact - when left to her own devices - she almost never 'chooses' to eat anything during the day. She lost 1/2 a pound when allowed to 'choose' when and where she ate.

If you don't believe that a 13 month old would make those choices - then fine. But I will continue to figure out ways to provide my child with an appropriate levels of nutrition while still respecting her for who she is. She doesn't like to nurse. She only does it when she absolutely has to - and would rather drink from my water glass than nurse.

[nyxx]

Originally Posted by Kessed

Maybe you want to take back that statement.

no. what i wrote is correct.

But the way it is - you are saying that if a woman goes back to work - she cannot claim that her child self weaned.

she can claim whatever she wants. but when she thinks her child self weaned at this age she overlooks factors that influenced the child's behaviour. it's difficult to talk about this when you aren't familiar with this concept of subconscious cooperations explained in the book i recommended.

I object to that.

it seems to me that you have a different understanding of "having a choice" or "deciding", and we are talking at cross purposes here. i refer to scientific findings made in developmental psychology. babies don't have intentions and motivations in the same way as adults.

[indignantgirl]

Originally Posted by Attached Mama

I think the key in "indignantgirl"s nephew's situation was "He was an excellent eater". Weaning is by definition giving solid foods or anything instead of breast milk. So sometimes giving solids will cause a child to wean.

Also, in "the olden days" babies generally didn't get many solids at all til after a year old.

So I don't think babies self-wean prior to 1 year. I think it's more that they are given a lot of solids, which is a weaning technique, tho most people don't realize it.

I agree with this to some degree. SIL only gave fresh fruit and veggies, and I think some oats and rice and beans, no "heavy" foods of dubious nutritional benefit like dairy, meat, etc. The kid could eat half a cantalope for breakfast alone, so I think in addition to him getting lots of "nutritious" food he was being sufficiently hydrated by watery fruits. He still nursed a *lot* for several months after starting solids...I'm not sure what happened in the last month that made him prefer soilds over nursing.

Personally, I would have never given that much solid food of any kind to a baby under a year. My current nursling was 11.5 months old when I started giving her food (besides the odd bite of something here or there), but it was hard to get my SIL to limit solids because she was feeding him only the very healthiest whole foods, and she really felt like she was doing the right thing. I'm not convinced that it *wasn't* the right thing for them, and I'm not convinced that solid food was the ultimate problem, but it could have been.

But in that case, have *any* of us allowed our children to self-wean? Don't we all, at some point, give them solid foods and thus initiate a "weaning technique"?

[indignantgirl]

Originally Posted by Kessed

I don't think that it's very normal for the mother to NEVER leave her child until the child is 100% weaned - and that's what you are suggesting. By your logic - someone cannot claim they did CLW if the ever (even once) left their nursling.

My first child was left ONCE before completely weaned (at age 3) for a whopping 3 hours while I had root canal, and he was cared for by his father in that time. But he only weaned because I was pregnant and my milk supply went down, which cut his nursing back dramatically. Then when the baby came, he only nursed a few times before deciding that he wanted to save the milk for his new brother. So by her logic, ds1 probably wasn't self-weaned either since *he* didn't decide for me to have a new baby.

[Kessed]

Originally Posted by indignantgirl

My first child was left ONCE before completely weaned (at age 3) for a whopping 3 hours while I had root canal, and he was cared for by his father in that time. But he only weaned because I was pregnant and my milk supply went down, which cut his nursing back dramatically. Then when the baby came, he only nursed a few times before deciding that he wanted to save the milk for his new brother. So by her logic, ds1 probably wasn't self-weaned either since *he* didn't decide for me to have a new baby.

I think that her definition of CLW is very extreme...

Of course everything we do impacts the people around us.

I firmly believe that raising a child involves a relationship in which there is give and take by both parties. I will admit that on occasion I have gotten home with a hungry baby (when she was younger and still day nursing) and was faced with a choice between relieving my VERY full bladder and nursing her instantly. When she was a newborn I would have continued to hold it. As she got older - my needs started to factor in.

I commend you for managing to stay with your child for the first 3 years. We've left DD 3 times so far. But for no longer than 3 hours. Other than that she's been with her dad.

[nyxx]

Originally Posted by indignantgirl

But in that case, have *any* of us allowed our children to self-wean? Don't we all, at some point, give them solid foods and thus initiate a "weaning technique"?

nursing is more than only nutrition, and weaning is not changing one kind of food to another. what about the social, psychological, emotional aspects?

and there's a difference between replacing the breastmilk with solids and continued nursing with added solids. kwim? do i offer food because i don't want to nurse or because the baby is interested?