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need help with my ds

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Let me start this off by telling you I need you to be gentle with me......

Ds is 3.9, will be 4 in June. Having problems recently, last few weeks. He has a new sister, 5 mo. Here are his 3 stages during a day:

1) acting out, temper tantrums, including hitting and kicking, refusal to do anything I want him to without a screaming fit. Arguing with everything I say, except sometimes when he says "FINE!" To which I reply, that's the first time you agreed with me all day Try to make a funny.

2) Me deciding he needs more attention, so saying, come on honey, lets do I spy books, lets read, lets go get the mail, help me make your pbj, etc. So I am actively making sure he is getting good attention. (As much as I can)

And please don't thump me on the head......

3) At night, when it's time for him to go to sleep, dragging everything out into slow motion, so it takes 2 hours from start to finish, with him screaming, yelling, crying, "CUDDLE WITH ME!!!!!" The baby is screaming downstairs to be nursed, dh can't take care of her (no boobs) by this time, I am completely out of patience, need a break, lose my temper, listening to the baby cry downstairs while ds is attaching himself to me. I want this time with him to be nice and cuddly, but its just frustrating for all of us.

So, I was thinking that he needs more attention during the day, and won't have nighttime problems, but then I realized he is getting all of my attention, and poor dd is spending a lot of time in her crib laying flat on her back listening to him scream, because I need to calm him down and am afraid she will get hurt. Some days, when he is finally asleep, I go to nurse her, and don't even have enough energy to talk to her or play with her. Dh usually seems to be able to get ds to sleep better than me, he seems to act out more for me.

And also, these temper tantrums are really bad, and a lot of times in front of other people, and I don't like for him to act like this in public, because I like to speak with him in private, he is getting to the age where I want to treat him fairly, meaning, not scolding, speaking to, etc in front of others.

And poor dd is just not getting enough of me. A friend today said he is purposely monopolizing my time. I'm beginning to think she's right.

Any ideas?

post #2 of 7
(((((jtsmom)))) Poor thing! Its so hard when they act out like that. I have 2 children, ages 4 and 1. Ds would do things like that too. When she was born he refused to eat anything i put infront of him...demanding instead to have something else. He would cry and throw himself on the floor over nothing at all. When she started crawling he really got upset over he touching his things....I don't even want to talk about her walking!~ Our soultion was to have Dh put him to bed and for me to spend the baby's nap with him. It took a while, and we still have the normal sibling interaction going on that drives me crazy somethimes, but it is much better now. I think it got better when 1) I (well, ok, dh) put my foot down and 2) the baby got old enough to play with. It gets better when the older one sees he can make the baby laugh ! The best thing was to take them both outside no matter what the weather (or let him take a warm bath on rainy days) and run them ragged!!! Good luck and hang in there! It gets better!
post #3 of 7
It sounds like you are having a really rough time. It's hard when a new baby comes into the family. You have to remember that your son was an only child for 3 whole years and it's a big adjustment for him to suddenly have to share his Mama's love. He may act out for a while. All I can tell you is to keep trying to set aside special time for the two of you and keep reassuring him that you love him.
Also, you may want to let your husband take over the bedtime routine for a little while. Two hours is a long time and it sounds like it's very stressful for you. If your husband is able to do it and have an easier time of it then by all means, let him. Don't feel guilty, it could be a special Daddy and son time. While you take a special Mommy and baby time.
The longer she's around, the easier it will get. Just give him a little time to adjust. And give yourself a break, don't be so hard on yourself.
post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 
Thanks for being so nice and helpful. I guess I needed a shoulder to cry on and you have made me feel so much better. Thanks for the good suggestions. tears of gratitude.

post #5 of 7
I pm'd you but also thought of something to add. My dd is 3.7 and has some behavior issues. I read in one of the Indigo books about using Super Blue Green Algae. We have to mix it with applesauce as she can't swallow capsules yet. So far she has been good about taking it and I do notice an improvement in behavior. Just a thought! I do not have any children younger than dd so I can't totally relate but I can relate to behavior that makes life hard for the child and family. (((((((())))))))
post #6 of 7
When my ds was that age (last fall) he went through many of the same behaviors you mentioned...we also havea new baby.....I really think it is the age, that time from about 3.5 to 4...i don't know why but it seems everyone I know with kids agrees....in fact last semester in one of my classes a woman asked me how old my kids were...when I said my ds was 3.5 she could see the look in my eyes and right away she said it gets better,hold on until 4....anyway he was 4 in december and I do notice a considerable change...also as the baby gets older she is not as demanding of my time so I have more playtime with him.......I think everything you are doing is great...just give him a little time to grow...I always try to incorporate ds into the housework or cooking so he feels needed....good luck to you.......stephanie
post #7 of 7
We've got two boys, one turning 4 in May and one 9 weeks old. The other night we had the most peaceful bedtime ever. We had dinner early for a change, then all four us us (me, dh, 2 boys) lay down in older son's bed (queen size luckily). While dh read the stories I nursed the baby. Then we both sang him some goodnight songs and the baby stopped feeding to listen as well. I sing all the time to baby, but it's somehow different with Mum and Dad together.
Although I should admit that older ds is extemely good with the baby and I'm somewhat dreading his fourth birthday because three has been just heavenly.
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