I think it is important to see the siblings as equals in most cases. My mom did a great job of avoiding the labels like "oldest" and "baby" even though we are 4 years apart. And when we did fight we were both equally responsible for the argument. She never took "he started it" for anything. Instead she pointed out it took 2 people to argue. In fact if she saw something budding, I think she probably ran. :LOL And certainly, if the argument or fight was especially unfair or viscious, she intervened.
We did fight. A lot. But we both learned to hold our own. We are both a bit fiesty and learned to argue well with words since hitting was a big no at home.
Now my wonderful brother and I are great friends. When we used to live close we saw each other nearly every day.
Thanks Celestial and jbcjmom. I was wondering about that book, but now that I know 2 such awesome mamas recommend it I will have to read it.