4.5 yr old "sneaking" candy

[The Duchess]

Ok I need help and advice with this one. My middle child dd 4.5 has a weakness for everything sweet, way more than anyone else in our family. We don't generally have much if any junk food. No soda, no cookies, ice-cream or candy on a regular basis, just occasional. It is not banned but we don't have it lying around the house.

We do have well meaning and loving family and friends who love to bring goodies over for the family. We have just found out that our dd has a cavity so we take that as an alarm bell that too much sugar and not enough brushing it happening.

However my dd is a candy magnet. If any comes in the house she finds it and eats the whole lot. She will take it somewhere like under the bed and eat it. Often I am not even aware that any candy entered the house. i.e. yesterday a family friend dropped by with a heaving bag of goodies to make cookies and gingerbread houses with because the girls missed a cookie party. I was not aware that candy was in the bag. DD found it and ate some.

Today she went to a neighbors house to play and found their six year olds Valentine candy - she hid and ate the lot. Then she found the 10 year old's Halloween candy and ate all that!!! When my dh went to collect the kids our neighbour took him aside and told him that she had had to talk to our dd. She told her that no sneaking around is allowed in their house and that she will not be able to come back if she behaves like this. I have not had the chance to call her and apologize yet.

We eat a healthy diet, none of us are overweight. How do you think we should handle this? I know she is young but how would you deal with this situation? I admit that dh and I have a soft spot for her as she has chemo when she was younger and she feels so precious to us. This might be where she developed a sweet tooth as her oral chemo was disguised with pink syrup. However, that's no excuse for present behavior. HELP!

[Marsupialmom]

I think you need to look at this a little differently..........not that she was sneaking candy but she was stealing. I wouldn't make this a "candy" issue but a stealing issue. Takings without asking. How it hurts people forget that it is candy.

[Mama2Bug]

I agree with Marsupialmom as to how this particular incident could be handled. I think the taking things at other people's houses is the bigger issue.

That said, if your DD really seems to gravitate toward sweets so much that she is sneaking and gorging, I wonder if she isn't having some sort of legitimate nutritional need. I have read that an intense craving for sweets actually indicates a need for more protein. (I am not a nutritionist- please don't take my word for it!) Have you followed up with her doctor about this at all?

If she doesn't seem to be deficient in any way, maybe it is the sheer novelty. Maybe you could leave a small dish of candy or a cookie jar out all of the time, so that she can help herself at will. (You would say nothing about it at all.) She might go crazy and stuff herself for the first week or so but, after that, perhaps the newness would wear off and she would be able to regulate herself.

Just be extra vigilant about tooth-brushing. She's still so young that it really shouldn't be up to her to remember to brush anyway, right?

[nathansmum]

I sympathise with a 4.5yr old who is a candy magnet! We had a box of Christmas food arrive from the IL's today and it was packed with sweet things - I was harrassed all day and it drove me nuts. I tried to ease up and let DS eat what he wanted as well as me offering healthy food alongside, but honestly, he was relentless and gorged ALL day. I'm glad it's all gone. It's not like the kids don't ever get sweet things (we buy a treat in the groceries when we do them every two weeks, but there is nothing in house on a day to day basis), although we eat a healthy diet the rest of the time.

I would love to know if it is a sign of something else.

I can't help you with eating candy at others houses - that hasn't happened to us, but I agree with the other posters, that it is a different situation, and is actually stealing. The candy might be the driver for it, so I do still believe that you somehow need to come up with a solution to that as well.

I once read a website about sugar addiction and it had a couple of quizzes on it - one for kids and one for adults. My ds was pretty much a match for the behaviour section, not so much the others. Off to see if I can google it.

[nathansmum]

Here's what I was thinking of.

[ShadowMom]

My perspective is a little different, but if it was me, and my child was sneaking food, I would be very concerned about them developing an unhealthy relationship with food due to too much controlling and emphasis on "bad" versus "good" foods.

I don't think sneaking food is a particularly good sign, perhaps because I did it when I was a child and it was a harbinger of serious food issues.

[amcal]

It seems to me there are two issues. The sneaking and stealing must be addressed as a separate issue. I would make DD go over an apologize to the family - not to shame her but to make her accountable for her actions.

Then, I would deal with the issue of her overwhelming addiction to sweets. My DD is 5.5 and loves treats. Loves them! Asks for them all the time. We limit them but don't restrict them - she gets one small treat a day but if we're at a friends and they have cookies or out and she wants a hot chocolate, I let her. After all, I enjoy a treat now and then too and I don't want to make it a forbidden, and therefore, more desirable food. That being said, despite the fact that she talks about it, thinks about it, desires it, DD has never stolen treats. The fact that your dd is stealing and hiding leads me to believe she knows it's wrong. This unhealthy relationship with treats would concern me greatly.

Personally, if it were me, I would way up her protein. Protein helps with sugar cravings. I would also make sure to have lots of healthy treats that she can have anytime she wants - vanilla yogurt, fruit leather, raisins, maybe make some whole grain granola bars with some chocolate chips etc.... Make treats healthy and available so they're not so elusive, mysterious and therefore desirable.

[mommy68]

My DD loves sweets too. If she wakes up before me on any given morning she will convince her daddy to give her a cookie (or 2) He knows I want her to have a real breakfast before eating snacks and it drives me crazy. And this sweet tooth lasts throughout the day usually.

My DD isn't overweight (but I don't want her to GET that way). Her oldest brother is and no one else in our family is overweight. My DH and I were never overweight as children either, so it's very odd that our oldest son is a bit overweight. I can only figure it's the sweets he eats. He eats very healthy meals all day but likes to snack at night, the worst time of day.

I don't think it's a good sign that she is sneaking the food either. Maybe you should find ways to give her healthier snacks and foods and hide the stuff you don't want her to have or don't buy it in the first place. That may be what it takes, not buying the stuff and bringing it in to the house. At this age it's not like they can go to the store and get it themselves so it's up to us as the parents.

[OakBerry]

Originally Posted by amcal

It seems to me there are two issues. The sneaking and stealing must be addressed as a separate issue. I would make DD go over an apologize to the family - not to shame her but to make her accountable for her actions.

Then, I would deal with the issue of her overwhelming addiction to sweets. My DD is 5.5 and loves treats. Loves them! Asks for them all the time. We limit them but don't restrict them - she gets one small treat a day but if we're at a friends and they have cookies or out and she wants a hot chocolate, I let her. After all, I enjoy a treat now and then too and I don't want to make it a forbidden, and therefore, more desirable food. That being said, despite the fact that she talks about it, thinks about it, desires it, DD has never stolen treats. The fact that your dd is stealing and hiding leads me to believe she knows it's wrong. This unhealthy relationship with treats would concern me greatly.

Personally, if it were me, I would way up her protein. Protein helps with sugar cravings. I would also make sure to have lots of healthy treats that she can have anytime she wants - vanilla yogurt, fruit leather, raisins, maybe make some whole grain granola bars with some chocolate chips etc.... Make treats healthy and available so they're not so elusive, mysterious and therefore desirable.

I agree with this post. I also would be more proactive at home. Tell dd that when people bring treats over, she must ask you before she helps herself to them. Go through the gifts and take out the candy and sweets, and put them up somewhere. Tell her that she will get some, but you are putting them away to make sure the whole family gets some as well.
I grew up in a big family, and we were not allowed free acess to stuff like this, because one child would eat it all down and the rest would not get any.
We were allowed free acess to fruits, cheese, crackers and the like though.

[Mom2Joseph]

Maybe make natural sweets readily available and not allow the real junk in teh house?

When DS gets into sweets, I make sure the junk is gone and that dates, fruits and the like are plentiful.

[The Duchess]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies. I only found out about the incident at our neighbors last night when it was too late to call her. I spoke to dd this morning. I asked her if she knew what stealing was and then explained. I told her what she did was stealing. (She knew what she did was wrong but I was covering all my bases). I explained that today I wanted her to make a Christmas card or picture of her choice for the two children whose candy she stole. I explained that we would take the pictures this evening and go over and apologize.

I then called my neighbor and apologized. I told her how glad I was that she said something to dd and she has my full permission to always discipline if necessary (we are great friends with the same values). I asked her if we could come over with the pictures plus some of the cookies that my dds are making with their Nana today. I told her we would not linger as I didn't want the apology/stealing to be associated with a playdate.

We are a healthy active family, I don't have food issues. Well, my only issue is that I am not a good cook and I have to work hard at making sure that I plan our menus well as we eat mostly vegetarian. The protein issue does concern me so I think I need to look at that. I was thinking of seeing a nutrionist to help me plan menus so this has given me a greater nudge. We do eat mostly from scratch and lots of vegetables. I have been really busy as we are building a new house and homeschooling so I think I need to focus on what we are eating and make sure dd is getting all the protein she needs. Thanks again. BTW we always help dd brush her teeth. Her cavity was between her teeth by her molar, so more flossing needed.

[neptunemama]

I think handling it as a separate stealing/sneaking issue was the way to go.

However, I don't think your dd sneaking treats is all that uncommon at her age. Both of my girls have done this, and though it took time to finally get them to stop, they have. My youngest began doing this when she was 4, and now at just 6, she doesn't anymore, hasn't for maybe 5-6 mths. And it definitely slowed way down by age 5 for her. I think the novelty of sneaking, being able to be quiet and have no one notice what they are doing is a key factor, add in getting extra treats, and you get the perfect crime.

[delphiniumpansy]

Have you also thought of this as perhaps a health issue? When one has a yeast imbalance, one craves sugar. Perhaps she needs to eliminate sweets all together for a few weeks and take some probiotics daily to get her gut flora levels healthy. If she has a lot of yeast, that can cause sugar cravings. Go to health forum and post for more ideas about that. I won't derail here. I will say that I also have a 4.5 year old so I know that that would be difficult to do. The whole family would have to go sweets free and sugar free for a few weeks in order for it to work. And, you would have to retrain the child with new snack ideas.

[clogmama]

It sounds like your dd was in a situation full of temptation. When my ds was 4.5 I'm not sure that he would have been able to stop himself from eating a whole bag of candy after trying the first piece. My ds craves sweets even though he has a healthy diet. I now have a daily appointment with him--at 3:00 every day he gets a treat and we sit down together. Kind of like a tea time, and sometimes we also drink tea with the treat. I hope this helps him understand that it is okay to eat some sugar (which he loves) in moderation. I also only buy or bake sugary items that I feel comfortable with him eating. He no longer tries to sneak candy as he knows he's allowed to have something tasty at home.

[mamaduck]

One of my children craves sweets to an extreme, and I have come to associate his sugar binges with not-enough-sleep. When he is sleeping enough and generally well-rested, he does not exhibit the same intensity when it comes to scavanging for sweets. When he is short on sleep, however, even if it is only an hour or so, he has been known to do things like guzzle pancake syrup on the sly. I have learned to carefully moniter his sleep routine.