ok ladies, I just have to rant for a few to hopefully get some of this off my chest....
I am getting so anxious about the holidays. I'm not getting along with either of my parents who both seem to think everything has to be about them at all times and can't think outside of themselves. These are things that have been building since the end of September when my DH and I had a large party to celebrate our summer marriage. Family is always a bit stressful for me, especially around the holidays, but this year it's even worse. I think that since I am now thinking so much about family and how I want mine to look like that I'm especially dissappointed with their attitudes and behavoirs. However, DH has the kind of Norman Rockwell family that everyone dreams of. They are incredible and he has a very strong sense of family and insists that we spend as much time as we can with them. I, on the other hand, am ready to divorce my family all together.
This is only compounded by the frustration that we are going to have to change the place we planned on birthing AGAIN! I was originally with my OB/GYN and once I was no longer deemed "high risk" I started the process of finding a birth center in our area. The first appointment went really well, I was excited and felt so much more relaxed about the whole process. The second appointment was cancelled in a rude manner with almost no warning (this being the GDT appointment and they cancelled one hour prior to my 8am appt). We tried to go to our next appointment and were asked what we were doing there when we got there. They said they had an appointment at 8:15 when we had one scheduled for 8:00. Once again, I had prepared for the GDT. The same midwife I dealt with last time was the one there this time and she was once again rude and cold. I looked at DH and just said, "Let's just go, I'm done with this place". I don't understand why the change in attitude. The other midwife in the practice is much more compassionate but the one I've had to deal with has been terrible. So now, I'm left with midwives I don't love who are NOT all about informed consent at my OB/GYN or finding a whole new practice at 31 weeks. I have not been to an appointment in over a month and although I've prepared for it twice, I have yet to be screened for diabetes (i'm not suspecting I have it except for my insatiable thirst that sometimes worries me).
On top of all this, we had to fly half way across the country because DH's grandfather recently passed away - this being the 3rd funeral since becoming pregnant and an almost 4th (my best friend had to have emergency experimental brain surgery for a rare type of blood clot).
DH and I have yet to decide on a firm plan on how we are going to work out finances and if I am going to return to work yet after the baby is born and I'm such a planner that now I'm getting paranoid about it. I'm worried that I won't be able to birth or raise my child the way I want to and it scares me. These are things that are SO incredibly important to me and although I don't expect to be a perfect parent, I really want to do things in the way I feel are "right".
Life circumstances have been so stressful through this pregnancy and I'm just ready for things to be smooth and easy for once in my life. It sometimes feels like the whole world is crashing down around me and refuses to stop. Of course, when you explain this to most people, I typically get, "Well, it's not going to be any better when the baby gets here, get used to it" or something similarly frustrating.
Just thought I'd vent to someone who actually understands! Feel free to send as many hugs and good thoughts as you can because I feel like I could really use it right now.
I am getting so anxious about the holidays. I'm not getting along with either of my parents who both seem to think everything has to be about them at all times and can't think outside of themselves. These are things that have been building since the end of September when my DH and I had a large party to celebrate our summer marriage. Family is always a bit stressful for me, especially around the holidays, but this year it's even worse. I think that since I am now thinking so much about family and how I want mine to look like that I'm especially dissappointed with their attitudes and behavoirs. However, DH has the kind of Norman Rockwell family that everyone dreams of. They are incredible and he has a very strong sense of family and insists that we spend as much time as we can with them. I, on the other hand, am ready to divorce my family all together.
This is only compounded by the frustration that we are going to have to change the place we planned on birthing AGAIN! I was originally with my OB/GYN and once I was no longer deemed "high risk" I started the process of finding a birth center in our area. The first appointment went really well, I was excited and felt so much more relaxed about the whole process. The second appointment was cancelled in a rude manner with almost no warning (this being the GDT appointment and they cancelled one hour prior to my 8am appt). We tried to go to our next appointment and were asked what we were doing there when we got there. They said they had an appointment at 8:15 when we had one scheduled for 8:00. Once again, I had prepared for the GDT. The same midwife I dealt with last time was the one there this time and she was once again rude and cold. I looked at DH and just said, "Let's just go, I'm done with this place". I don't understand why the change in attitude. The other midwife in the practice is much more compassionate but the one I've had to deal with has been terrible. So now, I'm left with midwives I don't love who are NOT all about informed consent at my OB/GYN or finding a whole new practice at 31 weeks. I have not been to an appointment in over a month and although I've prepared for it twice, I have yet to be screened for diabetes (i'm not suspecting I have it except for my insatiable thirst that sometimes worries me).
On top of all this, we had to fly half way across the country because DH's grandfather recently passed away - this being the 3rd funeral since becoming pregnant and an almost 4th (my best friend had to have emergency experimental brain surgery for a rare type of blood clot).
DH and I have yet to decide on a firm plan on how we are going to work out finances and if I am going to return to work yet after the baby is born and I'm such a planner that now I'm getting paranoid about it. I'm worried that I won't be able to birth or raise my child the way I want to and it scares me. These are things that are SO incredibly important to me and although I don't expect to be a perfect parent, I really want to do things in the way I feel are "right".
Life circumstances have been so stressful through this pregnancy and I'm just ready for things to be smooth and easy for once in my life. It sometimes feels like the whole world is crashing down around me and refuses to stop. Of course, when you explain this to most people, I typically get, "Well, it's not going to be any better when the baby gets here, get used to it" or something similarly frustrating.
Just thought I'd vent to someone who actually understands! Feel free to send as many hugs and good thoughts as you can because I feel like I could really use it right now.
I have to avoid taking myself too seriously sometimes.
