Originally Posted by momsadvice
Honestly I think too much time has passed and she has come to terms with the relationship you already have. Some do not like change and if it is working for her then she may not even consider change. I would keep trying but get dh involved more. What have the custody split visitation been like for all these years as well. That could have a huge part to do with stuff as well. I will say I wish you were my step children's birth mother and would pick you to deal with if all is true any day over the one I am stuck with.
I have had my moments of my head popping off and spinning around (like the day I found out that they had been involved when she was his HS student--she was 18 at the time so it was all legal, but still...come on folks! That was the same time that he told me her maiden name for the first time. We are/were from a small town and he knew I would know immediately who she was, especially since her dad was my freakin' therapist at the time!!!! Trust me, I truly have had my moments, but fortunately I have never had them in front of DS or her.
I have had primary physical custody for the entire time we have been divorced, but he does spend he majority of his summers at their home. I have talked with DS dad in the past about this, but he is adamant that he can't control his wife (which is true) and therefore won't talk to her about the issue. When I try to talk to him, it just causes more grief than not so I pretty much have just let the issue be--"accept the things I cannot change." It's just sometimes, the lack of what ever it is that is needed to have a truly functional relationship is more apparent than others. This was one of those times and it brought the questions of what I could do to help foster things along. Perhaps the best solution right now is to just express my gratitude that she stopped by and invite her to do it again when she is in the area.
Certainly, this has been a learning experience and a good chance to reexamine my motives and reasoning.
Thanks again for all of the thought provoking comments and advice! (And that does include you, nikag!